Creating a Holiday Spirit Yourself

If you're newly alone this year, the holidays may remind you of the joys and sorrows of past gatherings. But try to stay focused in the present. Let go of your expectations and instead create celebrations that are meaningful to you now. You'll find your experience of these special days can create new memories to savor throughout the year.

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Now that you've used Monday's tips to get started, here are some more for coping with the holidays on your own:

Consider your finances. You'll need to budget differently this year so consider what holiday expenses you can reduce. Perhaps you and your friends can agree to forgo your usual gift giving and instead exchange homemade treats or enjoy a potluck dinner together. With the continuing tough economy, it's likely they're also looking for ways to cut back on costs.

Create new rituals. Plan to do something different for the holidays this year. There's really not one perfect way to celebrate so change your usual routine and enjoy the excitement of new experiences. Perhaps arrange to get away from home - visit a friend, volunteer in your community, go for a hike, travel nearby. Next year, you can choose to continue with the ones that worked the best for you.

Include others who are alone. You're not the only one whose celebration may be bittersweet this year. Share your holiday by Inviting a single friend or relative into your home or volunteering at a community soup kitchen. When you're making your own holiday preparations, set aside some time for those outside your circle. You can donate toys and books to needy children, cookies to a homeless shelter, music to a nursing home.

As you map out your new strategy for the holidays this year, are you also thinking about other changes you want to make? If you're looking for practical tips that help you take the first steps toward a new goal - running a 5K, starting your own business, reconnecting with an old friend - download our complementary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals. You'll find role models and suggestions there to help you prepare and execute your plans.

Heroes in Your Family

With Memorial Day commemorated earlier this week, the summer season is now unofficially open - the barbeque is back in service at home and families are beginning their annual trips to the beach. Yet even with the shift to summer fun, there are still lessons we can take from the combat veterans we honored on Memorial Day. As we respect their unique bravery and reflect on the ideals of service, courage and camaraderie, we can apply these principles to those closest to us.

If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, stressed by the responsibilities of caring for aging parents and growing children, you may feel like there's no time to step back and take a deep breath. When you do, here are some things to keep in mind as you enrich your family relationships:

Recognize the importance of revealing the love you have for each other. Those who have been in harm's way know the meaning of the words, "it's too late." Don't put off sharing your love; decide to make it a priority. Each day, acknowledge those you love, and who love you, as if it were your last. The joy you create and receive in your close relationships can sustain you through hard times. You can find out more about the value of these positive connections on the Authentic Happiness website.

Express the gratitude you feel for what your family has given you - protection, opportunities, love, strength, enjoyment of life. You have doors open to you now because of them. This can begin with something as simple as a heartfelt "thank you," and develop into a more textured and thoughtful recognition of what you are grateful for. Begin by taking the steps to express your gratitude - it benefits both you and the loved ones you single out to thank.

Understand the value of friendship. Those in the Service have trusted and leaned on each other as they've shared their experiences and relied on their camaraderie. Know that we are here to take care of our friends and family - close and extended - difficult though it may be at times. Friendship is the gift we give ourselves and each other. It helps each of us achieve a longer, healthier, and more satisfying life.

Community support is there for the taking when you know how to ask for it. On Monday, we highlighted organizations providing support to Servicemen and -women. Be open to the reality that you too might need to utilize the input and generosity of others. You are not diminished when you allow another to help you.

To read stories of modern day heroes and how they coped with challenges in their lives, click on the email list box to the left. You can sign up there for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned, which showcases tips and strategies to use in your own family.

Aging vs. Growing Old: It's Complicated

When growing children are acting out, some may say, "Act your age." But it's more complicated when Sandwiched Boomers are trying to figure out exactly what that means for them.

Is age set by the calendar? By your experiences? By how you look? By how you feel physically? By how others define you? By how you think about things? By your vision for the future?

All this week, we've been talking about how to stay young as we age healthfully, but is that too simplistic? Let's look today at some of the complexities involved in setting and reaching that goal.

Don't go overboard in holding on to a past definition of yourself. The new NBC website, Life Goes Strong, focusing on boomers, has an interesting take on how other family members may react when they see you grabbing on to your past image and refusing to let go. Teenagers are especially vulnerable to feelings of embarrassment when you try too hard to look and act like them.

Seek help when you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed. We were recently interviewed by the Healthy Place website about how to deal with stress and trauma in your life. You'll find a discussion in the video there about both the symptoms of stress and some of our tips tips about coping with it. And you'll find additional suggestions in articles on our website about how to better nourish yourself.

Include others in setting goals for your future. This may mean those close to you or reaching out to a wider community. A well-know religious leader stays youthful by involving himself with family, friends and the world at large. Betty White, with her lifelong concern for animals and her work advocating for them, has continued to dedicate herself to animal welfare. Draw on your connections to stay involved as you continue your life.

For more tips for aging gracefully, visit our website Her Mentor Center and scroll through some of our articles. And don't forget the sunscreen when you are out enjoying the summer!

Anxiety and Hope for the People of Haiti Now

The weekend global telethon, Hope for Haiti Now, telecast on all major networks as well as the Internet, brought the tragedy into sharp focus. The news about the aftermath of the earthquake is heartbreaking and the vivid pictures tragic. As in grieving any loss, the people of Haiti are experiencing a wide range of emotions. Initially, many were grateful for surviving the catastrophe. But now they are faced with the realities of all they have lost – family, friends, shelter, food, clean water and a sense of security. And feelings of shock are giving way to disappointment and anger that relief efforts are so slow.

When we see the degree of devastation, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. What can we do to help? When others experience the effects of the violent forces of nature, we can bring some control to this event - and to our own feelings - by our actions and reactions. Even though we are out of harm’s way ourselves, we can understand the need for nurturing in the midst of the dramatic losses our Caribbean neighbors are facing.

Americans, and others across the world, have been offering aid at an unprecedented rate. But the recovery, both physical and emotional, will take a long time. You can contact the Red Cross or other service agencies to learn what you can do to support the Haitians. Or click on the post title above to be linked to the Hope for Haiti Now website. Any assistance is valuable to begin the process of rebuilding body and spirit. In joining together, we can be a part of bringing some help and hope to the Haitian community.

All this week we will be looking at ways to reduce the stress and anxiety we feel when we are faced with these kinds of uncontrollable situations. Tune in tomorrow for a look at some common symptoms you may be experiencing.

Summer Family Staycations

With the effects of the recession hitting government agencies as well as individual families, are you wondering where to turn for help entertaining your kids this summer? In California, the situation is especially difficult. Summer school has been cancelled throughout most of the state and various state parks are also closing. City and county governments are cutting down on the hours certain services are provided, as are municipal governments. So if you need to engage your children this summer, here are some tips for you:

Make good use of your local library. The hours may be cut somewhat but the library is still a good source for hours of fun for the kids. With a library card, you can check out not only books but also DVD's and CDs, rather than buying them. In addition, many libraries are still sponsoring programs that are both informative and interesting for the whole family.

Check out all of the museums in your area. Many of them will likely have admission-free days, particularly for local residents. Plan you schedule around these days so that you can introduce your children to art, history, nature, music and crafts. The bonus is that you will learn something too from these visits and enjoy the time you spend there.

Go outside with the kids. You can get maps of your community and hike in the hills or walk in areas you haven't explored before or bike in the flats around a lake. A trip to the community swimming pool is fun for everyone. Plan to picnic on the grass at home or have an overnight camp out in your own backyard.


Keep your eye out for free concerts in the park and community festivals. Check the local papers for notices about events near you. You and the kids can informally experience all kinds of happenings and ethnic celebrations, maybe for the first time.

Have family game nights. Charades are fun for everyone but you can also pick games based on your children's ages. Younger children will enjoy team games like Jr. Pictionary and On Stage while older ones may prefer Scrabble or Monopoly. If you prefer one-on-one games like chess, you can set up family tournaments.

Do some cooking or baking together. It's always fun to hang out in the kitchen together, even in the summer. Make some tried and true favorites like chocolate chip cookies or teach the kids some of your old family recipes. Instead you all might enjoy finding a new recipe that sounds interesting and trying it together for the first time.

You probably have your own great ideas to add to these suggestions. Let us hear from you about your staycation plans for this summer, Sandwiched Boomer or not, and we'll share them with our readers. Click on the Comment link below. And to read more about Staycations, clink on the Title above.

Creating Accountability

We all need role models to inspire us, but our culture seems to glorify the cowboy mentality of individuals acting in their own selfish interests. Celebrities' destructive behavior is condoned and mimicked. How can we get through to our children when the voices from the media are so loud? Don't throw in the towel. If you can plant the seeds, perhaps they will come to fruition when you least expect. Here are some ideas to talk about with your kids - maybe some even sound like the conversations your own parents had with you growing up:

Remember that the sun doesn't rise and set only on you. When you think solely about yourself, you deny the existence of other perspectives. Instead, consider the situation from the other person's viewpoint as well as your own. When your actions are harmful to them, weigh that effect in the balance.

Develop values that honor and respect your community. You belong to a larger network around you that is affected by what you do. Loyalty and social responsibility build connections that strengthen you as well as society. For many, spirituality and religiosity create a feeling of transcendence and purpose that helps maintain these bonds.

Click on the title above to read an article on our website about the heroes who serve our country in the armed services, How Observing Veterans Day Can Resonate for the Sandwich Generation. Tomorrow we'll look at more life lessons.

We enjoyed all the activity yesterday when Marika and Howard Stone of 2Young2Retire visited our blog for an exciting Virtual Book Tour. Their book, "Too Young to Retire: 101 Ways to Start the Rest of Your Life" has inspired many Boomer readers to do just that.

Several readers of our blog shared their experiences yesterday and Howard and Marika responded to them today. Jacqui talked about being frustrated because she didn't save enough money so that she could cut back or quit her job and explore other work she might really enjoy at this time in her life. Howard suggested she "take the long view and begin a financial plan to achieve freedom of choice over the next 6 to 36 months, with the help of a fee-based financial planner. You have more time and resouces than you think. Come from an abundance mindset and visit our website and book for more ideas.

Be grateful for what you have."

When another reader said she had been at loose ends since she retired a year ago and her golf game hasn't improved that much, she wondered how to find a group where she could explore her options. Howard responded that "golf can be fun as a side dish to your main course in life: service to others. Visit our website and get into a 2young2retire Group: www.2young2retire.com. 

Looking forward to talking further."

Sara commented about, at this stage of life, feeling free to try new things without worrying about whether or not they would succeed. Marika agreed, "Kudos to you, Sara, for letting your creativity loose. What better time? In fact, we like to think of these years as the 'what can they do to me' phase of life, and helping others to express what they hadn't dared to before is what makes our work joyful."

To another reader, Marika offered "Thanks for your 'second chance at a dream career,' comment. We're seeing many more stories like this one about the dentist every day. The Civic Ventures/MetLife research shows a large and growing group -- between 6 and 9.5 percent of those 44 to 70 years old -- doing much needed work of social significance."

How are you channeling your own passions as you move into the next stage of your life? There is still time to join in the conversation.

Marika and Howard will soon be starting a new on-line community, 2young2retire.net, where you can offer your thoughts and interact with others in the 50+ cohort about money, health, meaningful work, community service, life long learning -- all that matters in creating a fulfilling later life. Keep in touch and we will keep you informed about when they schedule the ribbon cutting.

Remember those jokes you made in your youth about the old folks at Leisure Village? Now that you don't need such a big house anymore and are beginning to plan for retirement, you may have thought about moving yourself. But where to go? Most Sandwiched Boomers choose to stay near family members but downsize in a way that fits in with their active lifestyle.

A new trend is emerging for Baby Boomers who want to rekindle some of that communal spirit of the 60's when they move. In 2007 alone, about 40% of new housing for those in midlife is in what is known as 'age-restricted communities' and it is estimated that one-third of existing single-family home sales for this age group are in developments for the 55 and older set. Many Boomers are moving to these vibrant communities while they are young enough to enjoy the many recreational activities and create new friendships. They join with other seniors in neighborhood activities, take part in sports together and participate in educational courses. This is not the passive retirement of the past but an exciting new option for the 67 million of us now over 55.

In the next 4 years, it is expected that this age group will make up 40% of all households in America. Will you be a part of it? What would be your ideal living arrangement for the next stage of your life? What do you need to have in your housing choice? What are you willing to give up? What compromises would you make with your partner? Let us hear from you about your considerations for a midlife move.

"Community" has always been a concept that women embrace for caregiving, as Shelley Taylor discusses in her book, "The Tending Instinct." Through the ages, from prehistoric times until now, communities in which women "tend and befriend" each other have allowed them to survive and even thrive.

Now the presence of community is contributing to the new movement of "aging in place," seniors remaining in their own homes rather than moving elsewhere. Studies indicate that over 90% of the elderly prefer this option and that it provides a better quality of life for them. This alternative is generally less expensive but depends on the input of a group of people to make it possible.

Pilot projects in several cities have been set up to coordinate services for groups of the aging population - labeled naturally occurring retirement communities - so that they can remain in their homes. These programs are having positive results, offering independence and safety through the connection to community. New social interactions have led to greater efficiencies as neighbor helps neighbor in need. This growing trend attests to the power of women working together to accomplish more than they could alone.

As a Sandwiched Boomer, how would you feel about your parents' participation in the "aging in place" phenomenon? Are there resources such as these in your areas? Would it reduce your stress to draw upon the community to assist with the care of your parents?