Creating a Holiday Spirit Yourself

If you're newly alone this year, the holidays may remind you of the joys and sorrows of past gatherings. But try to stay focused in the present. Let go of your expectations and instead create celebrations that are meaningful to you now. You'll find your experience of these special days can create new memories to savor throughout the year.

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Now that you've used Monday's tips to get started, here are some more for coping with the holidays on your own:

Consider your finances. You'll need to budget differently this year so consider what holiday expenses you can reduce. Perhaps you and your friends can agree to forgo your usual gift giving and instead exchange homemade treats or enjoy a potluck dinner together. With the continuing tough economy, it's likely they're also looking for ways to cut back on costs.

Create new rituals. Plan to do something different for the holidays this year. There's really not one perfect way to celebrate so change your usual routine and enjoy the excitement of new experiences. Perhaps arrange to get away from home - visit a friend, volunteer in your community, go for a hike, travel nearby. Next year, you can choose to continue with the ones that worked the best for you.

Include others who are alone. You're not the only one whose celebration may be bittersweet this year. Share your holiday by Inviting a single friend or relative into your home or volunteering at a community soup kitchen. When you're making your own holiday preparations, set aside some time for those outside your circle. You can donate toys and books to needy children, cookies to a homeless shelter, music to a nursing home.

As you map out your new strategy for the holidays this year, are you also thinking about other changes you want to make? If you're looking for practical tips that help you take the first steps toward a new goal - running a 5K, starting your own business, reconnecting with an old friend - download our complementary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals. You'll find role models and suggestions there to help you prepare and execute your plans.

Your Relationships with Mom May be Complicated this Mother's Day

Are your plans for Mother's Day affected by your complex feelings for your aging mother? Your relationship with your mom is likely to be full of twists and turns, evolving over the years as you change. One Sandwiched Boomer ruminates about how she transformed her connections with her mother:

When Carol was a teenager, she felt that her strong mother was trying to control her. She looked forward to getting out from under her thumb and moved far away when she married and raised her own family. As her children matured, so did Carol. Soon she recognized that she admired and respected many of her mother’s characteristics - her sense of responsibility, her independence, her humor, her common sense. She forgave her mother and began to reach out to her: After she had a stroke, I moved her into our home. We all became closer and I began to understand her better. I wouldn't trade that year for anything.

On Monday, we shared some tips with you for making Mother's Day especially meaningful this year. Here are 4 more to consider as you plan for this Sunday - and the rest of the years you have together:

The old fashioned art of letter writing can help you develop a closer bond. Write her a letter about how grateful you feel to have her as your mother. Sharing these feelings increases good memories about the past and leads to greater personal satisfaction for both of you.

If you have some old issues to work out with your mother, you may be able to move forward in addressing them by writing her an apology letter or a letter offering forgiveness. When you apologize, you free yourself from shame or guilt and your mother from dwelling on anger or resentment.

When you forgive your mother for some past transgression, it doesn't necessarily excuse the action, but does free you from ruminating about it. Forgiveness releases you from the past; it is a gift that you give to yourself.

On some of your visits after Mother's Day do a chore to ease her burden - go grocery shopping together, accompany her to the next doctor's appointment, cook a delicious meal with enough left over for the next day.

Enjoy your mother on Sunday and savor these moments. Reflect on the positive feelings you have from the past and cultivate rich memories now to sustain you in the future. And have a happy Mother's Day yourself.

Nurturing Your Mom on Mother's Day with More Than Chocolates

With Mother's Day less than a week from now, are you still searching for that perfect gift? Sending flowers, candy and greeting cards are de rigueur for Mom but, as members of the Baby Boomer generation, we recognize that what your aging mother really wants on her special day is to feel nurtured.

Sharon's mother, who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, no longer recognized her. Sharon felt very sad but resigned. "Mom is so sweet, even if she doesn't know who I am most of the time. It's now like I’m her mom and I feel good being able to help her when I can. I just want to get her the best care possible." Sharon’s attitude helps her understand the changes in her mother and plan what to do now.

Sandwiched Boomers recognize that aging is a natural progression and a normal part of the life cycle. But just as it is difficult to accept your own aging, when you witness your mother regressing, the facts of life provide scant comfort. Acknowledging your mother's decline in well-being, becomes the first step in your plans for realistic long-term care for her. This week, as you're planning for Mother's Day, we've got some tips to help your Mom know you care about her more than just during those 24 hours:

The gift of time is one of the most precious presents that you can give your aging mother. Spend some quality time with her talking and reminiscing. Look through old family photographs and ask her to tell you stories about when she was a young girl. The time you spend with her now will sustain you both.

Make your mom feel more valued by concentrating just on her - plan another date with her for lunch or shopping. When you pay attention to the details, you'll find you enjoy her company even more. Talk about what you are doing, appreciating and enjoying. Linger awhile in order to make it last.

Research shows that money, title, or good health has less effect on life satisfaction than strong personal relationships. So this Mother's Day, make a commitment to do what you can to improve your relationship and give your mom and yourself positive memories.

Single on Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is a special time to express romantic love. But it can also put pressure on those who, every other day of the year, are perfectly fine with their single status. You may feel lonely on this day and worried that you don't have the motivation to do what's in your best interests.

Photo by Keattikorn

When you love your life you're better able to control how you handle Valentine's Day. Follow these practical tips and put this one day a year in perspective:

Give yourself an emotional break and watch what happens. With a deep breath, release any negative thoughts you have about not being in a relationship. Actively dispute the notion that you are unworthy or unattractive. Choose an affirmation that rings true for you - I'm fine just the way I am; my life is full of those who care about me - and repeat it out loud, with conviction and often.

Take a step back and trust your instincts. Listening to your inner voice can provide comfort and reassurance about where you are right now. As you recognize your strengths, focus on why you're happy with who you are and what's important to you. Be sure that you're integrating your core values and personal ideals into how you live your life.

Pay attention to the positives in your relationships. Notice who you enjoy spending time with and what about them brings you pleasure. And remember that your personal character and qualities make them want to be your friends. Relax into your friendships as you enjoy fuller and deeper conversations.

Connect often with others. Going out with a group of colleagues can sometimes be more fun than a date. And having support is especially important when you're feeling down. You can bring more intimacy into your circle of friends. Be willing to reveal your opinion and needs so that others have access to your inner world. And encourage them to do the same with you.

Lower your expectations about today. Actually, there really is no perfect day, so relax. Be realistic and proactive. You can take the lead and make a plan - organize a potluck dinner or a hike in the hills. The wonderful memories you create will last long after the day is over.

Make the most of today. And log on again Wednesday for more tips about how to have less stress around Valentine's Day.