Women and Friendship: Emotional Support

You probably don't need proof that the emotional support you get from friends is vital, but here it is. Ten years ago a UCLA study proposed that a cascade of brain chemicals released when we're stressed causes us to seek out other women. This 'tend and befriend' notion, developed by psychologists Drs. Shelley Taylor, Laura Klein and their associates, may explain why social ties reduce our risk of disease and help us live longer. Friends also help us live better. Research about coping after the loss of a partner indicates that women who have a close confidante more often survive without permanent loss of vitality. And that's not all. Both the Harvard Nurses' Health Study and the MacArthur Foundation Study confirm that friendship is one of the keys to a long and satisfying life.

So what is about your closest friends? Some women appreciate the unflinching acceptance and fierce loyalty, even after disclosing their darkest secrets. Others feel secure knowing that, with the support of someone totally on their side, anything is possible.

Appreciate your friends. Remind them of their attributes and talents. But also accept their flaws – especially at times when they need you to empathize with their position. Listen, regardless - your friends may just let off steam and in the process arrive at their own conclusions. Only give feedback when asked, and make sure that any negatives are gently but honestly delivered.

Here's an article from Psychology Today that speaks to the differences between women and men when it comes to friendships. You can read one woman's story, with questions that may shed some light on your own friendships, from the Newsletter Library on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com.

If you want to learn new ideas about how to improve your friendships and family relationships, sign the email list to the left of this post. You'll receive our free monthly newsletter and can download a complimentary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals.

Over the next couple of days we'll be giving some tips for you Sandwiched Boomers, as you look at your friendships and begin to build on them.

Appreciate your friends and give these relationships the time and attention they need in order to blossom. Turning to other women for support can provide strength to help you cope as you face challenges with your family in flux.

Women’s friendships can be complicated. What you need from each other, and the intensity and frequency of these needs, can lead to some misunderstandings. Hang in there during the rough periods.

Friendships change throughout life. When you're young, friends help form your identity. In adolescence, with peer pressure, your sense of self depends on what you see reflected in their eyes. When you know who you are, how friends see you seems less important. But they can play an even more significant role in your life.

Studies have found that social ties reduce our risk of disease and help us live longer. Friends also help us live better. The 'tend and befriend' notion, developed by Drs. Shelley Taylor and Laura Klein, may explain why women consistently outlive men. the famed Nurses' Health Study from Harvard Medical School determined that the larger the number of friends women have, the less likely they are to develop physical impairments as they age, and the more likely they are to lead a joyful life.

And that's not all. Research about how well women function after their spouse has died indicates that, even in the face of this severest stressor, those women who have a close friend and confidante are more likely to survive the experience without any new physical impairments or permanent loss of vitality.

Learn more about this when you join us anytime this Thursday for our Virtual Book Tour. Our guest will be Elaine Williams, who wrote "A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss" after the death of her husband.

"Community" has always been a concept that women embrace for caregiving, as Shelley Taylor discusses in her book, "The Tending Instinct." Through the ages, from prehistoric times until now, communities in which women "tend and befriend" each other have allowed them to survive and even thrive.

Now the presence of community is contributing to the new movement of "aging in place," seniors remaining in their own homes rather than moving elsewhere. Studies indicate that over 90% of the elderly prefer this option and that it provides a better quality of life for them. This alternative is generally less expensive but depends on the input of a group of people to make it possible.

Pilot projects in several cities have been set up to coordinate services for groups of the aging population - labeled naturally occurring retirement communities - so that they can remain in their homes. These programs are having positive results, offering independence and safety through the connection to community. New social interactions have led to greater efficiencies as neighbor helps neighbor in need. This growing trend attests to the power of women working together to accomplish more than they could alone.

As a Sandwiched Boomer, how would you feel about your parents' participation in the "aging in place" phenomenon? Are there resources such as these in your areas? Would it reduce your stress to draw upon the community to assist with the care of your parents?