Women and Friendship: Emotional Support

You probably don't need proof that the emotional support you get from friends is vital, but here it is. Ten years ago a UCLA study proposed that a cascade of brain chemicals released when we're stressed causes us to seek out other women. This 'tend and befriend' notion, developed by psychologists Drs. Shelley Taylor, Laura Klein and their associates, may explain why social ties reduce our risk of disease and help us live longer. Friends also help us live better. Research about coping after the loss of a partner indicates that women who have a close confidante more often survive without permanent loss of vitality. And that's not all. Both the Harvard Nurses' Health Study and the MacArthur Foundation Study confirm that friendship is one of the keys to a long and satisfying life.

So what is about your closest friends? Some women appreciate the unflinching acceptance and fierce loyalty, even after disclosing their darkest secrets. Others feel secure knowing that, with the support of someone totally on their side, anything is possible.

Appreciate your friends. Remind them of their attributes and talents. But also accept their flaws – especially at times when they need you to empathize with their position. Listen, regardless - your friends may just let off steam and in the process arrive at their own conclusions. Only give feedback when asked, and make sure that any negatives are gently but honestly delivered.

Here's an article from Psychology Today that speaks to the differences between women and men when it comes to friendships. You can read one woman's story, with questions that may shed some light on your own friendships, from the Newsletter Library on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com.

If you want to learn new ideas about how to improve your friendships and family relationships, sign the email list to the left of this post. You'll receive our free monthly newsletter and can download a complimentary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals.

Happiness in the Himalayan Kingdom of Bhutan

As we mentioned earlier in the week, it was the monarch of the Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan who first defined the concept of Gross National Happiness. But what is the Bhutanese formula for happiness?

Like many psychological and social indicators, GNH is easier to describe than to define with statistical precision. However, the Bhutanese people seem to know that happiness is multi-dimensional. Learn more on Bhutan's official website. The country is Buddhist and has a matriarchal system, very few cars, no branding in the shops, a single television station and a passion for archery. Healthcare and education are free for life. Almost every citizen wears the national costume all the time and regulations on architecture preserve the craft industry of religious art. Yes, there is uniformity, consistency and they're mobilized for the preservation of their core values.

For more ideas, read this article from Psychology Today about how to make a gratitude adjustment. And there's plenty of material for you on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com, that can help grow your feelings of well-being. Learn from Trudy about her painful losses that ended in a chance to live life more fully. Here are final tips for the week about increasing happiness:

Pay attention to the practical issues. Get enough sleep, stimulate your mind, eat well, practice relaxation or meditation, find your passion, exercise regularly, don't hold a grudge and spend time with friends. Maintaining order also falls into this category - studies show that if you make your bed, that provides inner calm and helps you start the day off right.

Don't expect too much. Unrealistic expectations can often lead to disappointment. Built-in obsolescence makes you a slave to the latest style and the next upgrade. It never ends, and leaves you dissatisfied with what you have. In some situations try not to expect anything and whatever comes your way will be a blessing.

Want support for the changes you want to make? Sign our email list to the left of this post and, next Tuesday, you'll receive your first copy of our complimentary monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones."

Chelsea and Marc: First Dance Together

Apparently one friend's unique wedding gift for Chelsea and Marc was dancing lessons and they demonstrated new skills in their first dance as husband and wife. Of course, the longer they're married, the more techniques they'll add to their repertoire – dance steps and otherwise.

No matter who you marry, there are bound to be differences that challenge you – family values, cultural backgrounds, socioeconomic status, religious traditions. But if you're committed to working together, each complements and enriches the other. And when disagreements do occur, you can rely on these tips:

Choose your words. In the midst of an argument, any one of these phrases would be welcomed by a partner feeling misunderstood: I might be wrong; stay with me and don’t withdraw; I see my part in all of this; let’s find common ground; I love you and we'll work this out.

Stay engaged. A gentle touch, eye contact or a quick hug can release oxytocin, a hormone that facilitates bonding as well as reduces blood pressure and stress levels. When you're feeling tense, an affectionate moment can help you feel closer, loved and even more relaxed.

Build emotional dividends. If you characteristically turn toward rather than away from each other, the goodwill you accumulate can provide an emotional cushion. Maintain a reserve of shared positive feelings and you will be able to draw from this supply of affection in times of conflict.

Chelsea and Marc have attended family holidays together so they likely have already started a discussion that includes such topics as Christmas trees and Hanukah menorahs. It is often rituals and family relationships that give faith meaning. The Clintons have raised Chelsea well and she has stood by her parents through tough times. And Chelsea is a survivor - resilient, transcendent, private, well balanced – all qualities that can only enhance a marriage that seems off to a very good start.

Read more here about the newlyweds and making marriage work. We've enjoyed discussing ways to manage the inevitable conflicts in marriage with you this week. If you want more information about family issues, please sign our email list to the left of this post. You'll receive our free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, with lots of tips to improve your relationships. And you can download our free ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals.

Complimentary Ebook on How to Reach Your Goals

Perhaps there's a goal you've wanted to reach for a long time - start a small business, rekindle an old friendship, run a 5K?

When you think about working toward a goal and the inevitable changes that go along with that, you may wonder:

How do I access my strengths?
What can help me grow?
Who will I be then?

If you want answers to these questions, sign our email list to the left, just below this post. And accept these gifts from us - receive our free monthly email newsletter, Stepping Stones, and download our free Ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals.

In this Ebook, you'll find stories about people whose names you probably recognize - Captain Sully Sullenberger, Susan Boyle, Senator Ted Kennedy - as well as practical tips about drawing on your own strengths to create the life you want. Try them on and see how they can work for you.