How to Work Your Way toward Valentine's Day

If you’re a Sandwiched Boomer, caring for parents growing older and kids growing up, Valentine’s Day may be just one more responsibility you have to take care of. Are you trying to balance work and family with little choice but to leave your love relationship on the back burner? Busy people under pressure often hurt the one they love. Not ideal circumstances as we approach the most romantic day of the year.

Marital relationship experts seem to focus on minimizing the negatives – don’t nag, don’t be controlling, don’t overreact, don’t withhold sex.

But why not concentrate on the do’s instead of the don’ts? Positive reinforcements can help increase attraction, motivation and connection. So if you apply these practical and easy-to-implement insights, you may begin to see positive changes, just in time for Valentine’s Day:

Express gratitude. Remembering to say thank you may sound overly simplistic, but it can help bring to mind your partner’s good qualities. Compliments serve as positive reinforcements at times when you may be preoccupied with work and kids or taking each other for granted.

Try to compromise. Be direct, yet open and flexible as you make your way through disagreements. Putting yourself in your partner's shoes and truly understanding the other point of view can help resolve conflict quickly without so many lingering resentments.

Log on Wednesday for more practical tips about achieving marital success.

In the meantime, would you like to download a complimentary eBook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching Your Goals? All you have to do is sign the email list to the left of this post. You'll also receive our free monthly eZine, Stepping Stones, with lots of ideas about how to resolve your family problems.

Is Another Financial Storm Brewing?

Now that credit rating firm Standard and Poor's has downgraded the United States' government debt from AAA to AA+ for the first time in history, a sense of uncertainty has again taken over the American psyche. After another historic plummet of the stock market last week in response to Congress' clumsy negotiations over raising the debt ceiling, the market again today has opened drastically lower. How will the week play out? No one knows for sure. But families all over the country are bracing for the effect of the national - and global - financial chaos on their own personal futures.

Many are concerned that the S&P downgrade of U.S. bonds - and now their additional downgrade of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac - will raise interest rates for families, making it more difficult for them to pay off credit card debt or arrange for a loan to purchase a new car or home. And small business owners, already hampered in their abilities to function, are facing another setback in their growth from these S&P downgrades.

What can we do in these difficult days? Here at Nourishing Relationships and Her Mentor Center, we'd like to help you cope with the stresses of the economic turmoil that you may be facing. So for a limited time, we are now offering you our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success, completely free of charge. Comprised of eight white papers, our ebook can empower you and give you tools to manage the challenges and tensions you are experiencing. Simply click on the link to Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm and you can receive a complimentary download of the pdf file. Use the tips we provide to create solutions for your family distress in these tough times. And please let us know how you are doing through the "comment" button below.

What Costa Rica Can Teach Us About Family Values

I'm just back from Costa Rica, a small Central American country where peace of mind is a natural commodity. Visiting there felt like a breath of fresh air with it's slow pace of life and ecological mindfulness. The country has no need for a military presence and family life is a top priority.

World events like the turmoil in the Middle East and the devastating crisis in Japan continue to impact our gas, food and transportation costs. High unemployment, compounded by foreclosures and homelessness for families, contributes to the slow economic recovery. And multi-generational households increase as families move in together to alleviate financial concerns. For many Sandwiched Boomers, the loss of retirement funds is accompanied by feeling less secure now and less hopeful about the future.

It may be hard, but find the fortitude to face the situation squarely and see this as a teachable moment. Talking with your children about what you expect from them and the limits you need to impose at this time can be eye-opening. If you're concerned about where our society is headed, it's time to put off immediate gratification and bring family values back to the foreground:

Don't forget where you came from. Dig deep to find your roots and try to understand who you are and what you want. Figure out how you can care for your family and still nurture yourself. Set some concrete and specific long-range goals about what you need for you and what you want to accomplish for your family. Identify short-term objectives as you work toward achieving these, step by step.

Make family a priority. Love them and tell them so on a regular basis. Place great value on parenting, it's one of your most important responsibilities. As knowledge is power, appreciate the transitions your own family is going through now. And get more information about how to manage change from the Internet and self-help section of your local bookstore. Talk to friends and family whose opinions you respect and who have gone through similar experiences. It's a chance to get realistic feedback and concrete advice.

Character matters, as does your family. During these difficult times you represent hope for them. Click on "Comments" below to let us know what you're doing to make life a little easier. And log on here Wednesday for more practical tips.

You can sign our email list to the left of this post to receive a free monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones," and to download a complimentary ebook, "Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals."

Make Your Brain Sweat with Novel Challenges

Interested in narratives of remarkable people who confirm that it's never too late to blaze new trails? Journalist Bruce Frankel’s book What Should I Do with the Rest of My Life? is full of stories about those who find passion in lifelong learning, the creative arts and giving back. We asked Bruce a few questions:

Why did you write the book?
Facing unexpected challenges in my career and life in my mid-50s, I decided to write a book about ordinary people who achieved significantly in the second half of life to provide real, not faux, inspiration.

At about the same time, while helping my recently-laid off 84-year-old mother recover from heart surgery, I became fascinated by recent findings in neuroscience about the brain's plasticity into very old age. I took a leap and began researching people whose later life stories demonstrated the remarkable possibilities of reinventing ourselves and the benefits to our brains and lives.

What were the best personal results?
Writing the book and meeting the people whose stories I tell was a gift. They expanded my imagined lifeline for work and provided me with models of how to plow through adversity and find well-being in a life lived with engagement, passion, discipline, and a playful outlook.

I learned the importance of diversifying my activities, rededicating myself to exercise and making my brain sweat with novel challenges. It helped me establish a new career, including public speaking, and to take risks less fearfully, like when I recently accepted my son's request to make a music video with him. Critically, those I interviewed taught me the importance of living life in sync with my own values and dreams. Most amazingly, completing the book, in itself, made me feel successful in ways I hadn't imagined.

In his other life, Bruce worked at People magazine and USA Today. He left full-time journalism, in his 50's, to study for an MFA in poetry.

Read more about What Should I Do with the Rest of My Life? and the award Bruce just received at his website. He also writes a blog about later life achievers, the brain and aging, and, occasionally, dance and poetry.

You may want to sign our email list to the left of this post, and receive a free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones as well as download a complimentary ebook, Lessons Learned: Reaching For Your Goals.

And please visit our blog again on Wednesday, March 30, when we welcome Susan Swartz for a Virtual Book Tour. She'll be discussing her two books about women 50 and beyond, the women she calls Juicy Tomatoes.

How to Fight Inertia

As Sandwiched Boomers, chances are you're bombarded daily by challenges with aging parents and growing children. You may also be trying to balance home and work responsibilities. And that's without your commitment to stay healthy, lose weight and exercise regularly. Just thinking about your hectic lifestyle can stop you in your tracks. If this is your life and you're feeling the time crunch, follow these guidelines.

Photo by Nuttakit

Make a start, any start. Buy a journal or borrow one of the notebooks your child isn't using and do your homework. Write out some specific long term goals and break these down into smaller, more manageable short term objectives. Begin with the one that seems easiest to implement and take the first step. Don't forget to consider the character strengths and personal resources you have that will help you achieve your goals.


Create weekly or even daily to-do lists. For example, if a regular exercise program is your ultimate goal, begin by penciling in a 20 minute walk twice a week after carpool or during your lunch hour. Organization and planning may sound like dirty words. But the more you concretize what you plan to do, the greater the chances are that you'll follow through with your intentions.

Give yourself a break and see what happens. Let go of any negative thoughts about yourself in relation to getting stuff done. Actively dispute the idea that you are lazy, apathetic or can't get a handle on the process. Choose a simple mantra that rings true for you - such as 'yes I can' - and repeat it often.

Sign the email list to the left of this post to receive a free monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones" and download a complimentary ebook about how to reach your goals. And log on Wednesday for more tips about fighting inertia.

Tips for Less Stress

In our fast paced world, Valentine's Day is already a fading memory. If you're single, that may be a relief. Although you can't control whether or not you have a romantic relationship, you can control how you manage your life. When you realize that you always have lots of choices, it's easier to take your stress level down a notch:


Photos by Salvatore Vuono


Give back some love. Do you have a relative or neighbor who could use a visit or phone call? Go outside your normal routine and get in touch with someone you've been meaning to call - it could brighten the day for both of you. Studies show that when you shift attention away from yourself to others, you actually feel better.

Volunteer your time. Nothing makes the day more special than a good deed. And the payback of altruism or giving back can help you see the situation from a much better perspective. Spending the day in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter helps those in need, increases your connections and can improver your sense of self.

Let go of bad feelings and think positive. If you continue to feel frustrated, angry or disappointed, remember that a minor change in attitude can make a big difference in how you relate to others. According to Indira Gandhi, "You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist." Try to find humor in your situation and fall back on laughter.

Focus on a relationship plan. If it's what you want, you can define objectives that will move you in that direction. Tell those you trust that you would appreciate being fixed up. Make a list of what you expect in a partner and what changes you may be willing to make. Join a singles group or a dating website. Take whatever steps you think are vital to improve your chances.

Relax and rejuvenate to relieve stress. Attend to your mind and your spirit. Practice techniques of deep breathing or your own form of meditation. And set aside quiet time to do what brings you pleasure. Nurture yourself and your body through regular exercise, good nutrition and proper rest. This sort of attitude will sustain you as well as promote greater self care.

Give yourself the priceless gift of a life less stressed. Spend some time on Her Mentor Center and read articles that are full of tips just for you. Sign the email list to the left of this post to receive a free monthly newsletter - and then download a complimentary ebook about how to reach your goals.

Mark the calendar as the first day of the rest of your life. Commit to keeping your worry in check and maintaining balance in your life. As you savor your newfound power, cast a love spell in celebration of you.

How to Sustain Your 2011 Resolutions

Keeping your resolutions can sometimes feel like climbing a mountain. Like these boys, make sure your goals are accessible. And don't forget to stop from time to time and note your progress. Track your growth. Notice each small success you make toward reaching your goals. It's easier to reach short-term objectives and small accomplishments will help you stay motivated. For example, instead of being focused on competing in a marathon, begin by jogging a couple of times a week.

Reward yourself. This doesn't mean eating apple pie and ice cream if your goal is to lose weight. Celebrate your success by treating yourself to an activity that doesn't undermine your resolution. If you've been sticking to your objective of eating better, your reward can be a movie or museum date with a friend.

Stick to it. Obsessing about the occasional slip won't help you achieve your goal. Do the best you can and take one day at a time. Be patient as you let a new activity, like exercising regularly, become a habit. And before long, your new healthy routine will become second nature to you.

Keep trying. If you run out of steam by mid-February, don't despair. Start all over again - set another goal to get your body in better shape. There's no reason you can't make a new resolution any time of the year.

Joining a gym or a weight loss program is the easy part but continuing to show up is the bigger challenge. Now that you have some new strategies to implement, resolve to turn your ambitions into year-long healthy lifestyle changes.

For additional support, join the email list to the left of this post and receive a fr** monthly newsletter. And as an extra bonus, you can download our complimentary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching Your Goals.

Tips to Keep Your 2011 Resolutions Going Strong

Gift yourself in 2011 - just like this little guy, enjoy the moment and new discoveries. Try to find mystery and wonder in the simple pleasures.Keep this in mind as the new year begins. Are you setting new goals? It's common practice, and the majority fall into the categories of losing weight, smoking cessation and starting an exercise program. But even more common is the tendency to break New Year's resolutions. Research suggests that the longterm success rate is only around 20%. Chances are, at some time, you've been a part of this statistic. How can you stop the cycle of resolving to make change, but then not following through? Here are some strategies that may help:

Be realistic. Strive for a goal that is reasonable and attainable. Instead of resolving to never again eat the fattening foods you love, avoid them more often than you do now. Choose practical solutions that you will be help you succeed.

Outline your plan and have a backup. If you decide to stop smoking, how will you deal with the temptation to have one more cigarette? What about calling on a friend for support or participating in a pleasurable activity instead. Or practice positive thinking and visualize a healthier body. Know that you'll cough less, breathe easier and be able to exercise more.

Talk about it. Don't keep your new goal a secret. Find a friend who shares your resolve and continue to motivate each other. Find support through a smoking cessation program or join a weight loss group. Tell family members who can be there to talk you through the tough times.

Log on Wednesday for more ideas about how to keep your resolutions going strong. In the meantime, HerMentorCenter.com has lots of articles to read in 'Family Relationships' and the 'Newsletter Library.' Or sign our email list to the left of this post to download a complimentary ebook on how to reach your goals and for a free monthly newsletter full of practical tips.

How to Take Steps Toward a Career Change

If you're a member of the sandwich generation and thinking about changing your career, Caryn FitzGerald, our guest blogger this week, has some tips for you.

On our Monday post, Caryn asked you whether you want to break free from the corporate world and live the life of your dreams. Here's what she has to say about that. "The answer is simple, follow your heart and don't allow yourself to give up.

1. Ask yourself what is your true passion? What really makes your heart skip a beat or your energy soar? For me, it was helping others move through the challenges they faced in stepping into their own lives. As a woman who has recovered from eating disorders and broken free from abusive relationships, I knew what it was like to feel powerless and out of control. I used those experiences to help others and create the lifestyle I enjoy today. Those feelings effect all of us at one time or another and the ability to identify them and create a support system to assist us through them is crucial.

2. Find a mentor who has achieved the goals you are seeking to accomplish. There is no better mentor than someone who has been where you are and is now where you want to be.

3. Be honest with yourself. What are you willing to give up to make this dream a reality? Be specific! Are you willing to give up television? Eating out with friends? Four dollar a cup gourmet coffee adds up ($120 a month) quickly, are you willing to give up some of the luxuries you enjoy today, to invest in yourself for tomorrow? What is your ultimate goal? Again, be specific. Creating a vision board will allow you to envision the life you are truly seeking to live.

4. Create a business plan. Every successful businessperson has made a detailed plan of what steps they will take, monies they will invest in both the business and themselves and what result is desired.

Do you want to become self-employed with the freedom of working from home? Or purchase a franchise and be the owner while others work for you? Perhaps you want to become part of a team and create residual income as a network marketer. These are just three of many different avenues one can take to create independent income.

Be aware that replacing the income of a corporate job with an income as an entrepreneur can take time. One of the incredible benefits is that one can take small steps, a few spare hours each day, to build the foundation that will allow them, in time, to leave their job. This is not the lottery - it's breaking down and recreating a new way of living. Releasing the old habits and replacing them with new, healthier habits that will serve you in moving into a passionate life.

There will be failures along the way. The key is to remember that in order to succeed one must fail, get back up and continue to move forward. Ask anyone who has achieved the lifestyle they desire how long it took and how many failures they endured along the way and you will learn that success always come with a price. The price includes determination, persistence and resilience. The road to success involves hurdles and failures, yet how quickly you decide to get back up and move forward is up to you. The faster you get back onto that horse, the easier it becomes the next time and eventually you will reach the goal of living the life of your dreams!"

Caryn FitzGerald is a mother, wife, friend, writer, raw foodist, nature lover, teacher, blogger, entrepreneur, coach and overall lover of life! She is an eating disorder and domestic violence survivor. Caryn believes that a full, abundant life can be created and enjoyed regardless of one’s past. Today she assists others in creating the life of their dreams. Connect with Caryn.

If you want more information as you begin your search, these ideas and video may help. And here's material specifically for midlife career change. Sign the email list to the left of this post to receive our free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones and download our ebook about how to reach your goals.

Women in the Sandwich Generation Need to Start Taking Better Care of Themselves

In last week's election, did you notice all the references to the Pink Stampede? There were several firsts for women - Nikki Haley (South Carolina) Susana Martinez (New Mexico) and Mary Fallin (Oklahoma) were all elected in states that never had a female governor before.

Despite these historic events, women continue to lag behind in issues related to taking care of themselves. They seem to have other priorities that can't wait. According to AARP research, 44 million members of the Sandwich Generation, most of them women, are caregivers for aging family members.

If you're looking for support and resources as you try to balance your family and work life with caregiving responsibilities, click here for AARP.org/caregiving. Through the eldercare locator, there's information about particular information in your local area on such topics as housing options, financial assistance, transportation or legal help.

It seems that women are far less informed about their own longterm planning than caregiving others, and this includes what it will take for them to live in retirement. This week on the blog we want to get you thinking about you, for a change! Learn more about your medical history to reduce risks in the future. If you eat well, exercise, get a good night's sleep, have a positive attitude and a good support system, you'll be on the road to better self care.

However, there's more to it. Want access to information and tools? AARP has developed a program to help you stay engaged and connected called 'Decide, Create, Share.' Its purpose is to empower women to be in control and live the best life possible. And if you're interested in taking a quiz that will increase your awareness about health, finances, legal issues or home and community, click here.

Log on to our website, HerMentorCenter.com, for articles about how to care for your family in flux without starving yourself. Please sign the email list to the left of this post to receive our free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, and download a complimentary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals. And click here to watch Patricia's video clip about how she is setting personal goals for her future.

More Photos of Croatia

Here are more photos of the magic of Croatia. And then it's your turn.

It's an easy drive down the coast, from Zagreb to Dubrovnic, stopping in seaside villages along the way. Cobblestone streets and bougainvilleas enhance the charm while colorful markets and street performers add to the enchantment.

Then there's the majesty of the Adriatic Sea, dotted with inlets and islands. Read here about the natural beauty of Hvar, often called the queen of the Dalmatian islands.

Although inland, but not to be missed, is Plitvice National Park, a UNESCO world heritage site, with 16 lakes and breathtaking waterfalls.

You may be wondering, what does this have to do with me? Even when times are tough, it's important to hold on to your dreams. If you're at a crossroads, ready for a change or a break from your routine, here are some websites to get you thinking:

Poshnosh.com has ideas and descriptions of trips for women with a passion for travel. You'll find lots of specialty tours, including those with grandchildren. Whereas hermail.net is an international directory of women travelers. It provides a free e-mail based service that allows women anywhere in the world to connect with others who love to travel. And fodors.com has information when you're ready to take steps toward actually planning a trip.

Enjoy exploring the travel websites. If you want help getting started, sign the email list to the left of this post and download our complimentary ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals."

Parents Refusing to Leave Campus

When you dropped your kids off at college, were you the one dragging your heels? This generation of parents has been described as clinging, especially when they refuse to leave the campus. In fact, a number of college administrators have introduced blunt language into orientation schedules, including a specific time to say goodbye. The message is clear: release your anxieties and your adult children to this adventure, and enjoy the ride yourself. The lesson, not taught in the traditional curriculum, is about letting go. Parenting expert, Michelle Borba, gives practical advice for parents of college bound kids.

Some colleges have developed parents-only workshops for those who are intensely involved in their child's academic career. Liaisons give explicit advice on how to minimize the pain of separation and hovering behaviors. 'Velcro' parents may be invited to a reception while the students meet their roommates and begin to settle in. Read more about this in the New York Times.

Does all this feel like a conspiracy to exclude you? After all, it's almost as big a transition for you as for your kids. But as you say goodbye to your adult kids, learn to say hello to yourself.

Recognize that you may feel ambivalent about this new chapter. Bond with friends as you discuss your situation with those who care about what you're going through. You'll discover that you have a lot in common and that they feel the same about their own experiences - this can be validating and comforting.

Log on Wednesday for practical ideas about how to put yourself front and center. Click here right now to get started today. On HerMentorCenter.com, you can read lots of articles about family relationships, sign up for our complimentary newsletter and download a free ebook about how to reach your goals.

Women and Friendship: Emotional Support

You probably don't need proof that the emotional support you get from friends is vital, but here it is. Ten years ago a UCLA study proposed that a cascade of brain chemicals released when we're stressed causes us to seek out other women. This 'tend and befriend' notion, developed by psychologists Drs. Shelley Taylor, Laura Klein and their associates, may explain why social ties reduce our risk of disease and help us live longer. Friends also help us live better. Research about coping after the loss of a partner indicates that women who have a close confidante more often survive without permanent loss of vitality. And that's not all. Both the Harvard Nurses' Health Study and the MacArthur Foundation Study confirm that friendship is one of the keys to a long and satisfying life.

So what is about your closest friends? Some women appreciate the unflinching acceptance and fierce loyalty, even after disclosing their darkest secrets. Others feel secure knowing that, with the support of someone totally on their side, anything is possible.

Appreciate your friends. Remind them of their attributes and talents. But also accept their flaws – especially at times when they need you to empathize with their position. Listen, regardless - your friends may just let off steam and in the process arrive at their own conclusions. Only give feedback when asked, and make sure that any negatives are gently but honestly delivered.

Here's an article from Psychology Today that speaks to the differences between women and men when it comes to friendships. You can read one woman's story, with questions that may shed some light on your own friendships, from the Newsletter Library on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com.

If you want to learn new ideas about how to improve your friendships and family relationships, sign the email list to the left of this post. You'll receive our free monthly newsletter and can download a complimentary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals.

Sandwiched Boomers Can be Happier

Are you a Sandwiched Boomer managing the challenges of parents growing older and kids growing up? If so - especially in these difficult economic times - you may be more focused on reducing stress than increasing happiness. But it doesn't have to be that way. The tips that follow are mainly about tweaking your attitude. Try them on, as they don't take much time and are easy to implement:

Become aware of what brings you joy. Set aside time to experience and acknowledge your gratitude. Research participants were asked to write gratitude letters to those who had helped them. They reported that, after implementing the habit, they had a lasting increase in happiness over weeks and even months. What's even more surprising is that sending the letter was not necessary. Even those who wrote letters, but never delivered them, still reported feeling better afterwards.

Embrace simplicity and appreciate what you have. Step outside and enjoy a moonlit night or take you family camping and roast marshmallows over the fire. Those who practice writing down three good things that happen to them every week show a significant increase in happiness. When life isan't going so well, think optimistically and try to find the silver lining in any situation. Being more hopeful about the circumstances, a process called reframing, can lead to increased feelings of well-being.

Practice random acts of kindness. Focusing on the positive can help you remember reasons to be glad. When we perform good deeds and assist others it also benefits us. A recent study found that the more people participated in meaningful activities, the happier they were and the more they felt their lives had purpose. Pleasure-seeking behaviors, on the other hand, did not make them happier.

Read this article from PsychCentral for insight into what you can do to increase your sense of well-being. And click here to learn more about Dr. Martin Seligman and his work on Authentic Happiness at the University of Pennsylvania. If you want, you can even participate in a research study.

Log on to our website, HerMentorCenter and spend some time browsing. Start at the menu on the upper lefthand corner of the Home Page. There's lots of information under 'Newsletter Library' and the articles in 'Nourishing Relationships' are full of practical tips. By signing up for the 'Free Newsletter', you can download a complimentary ebook about reaching your goals. And there's no better time than now to order our new ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success." Our thanks to Marilee Karlsen for the terrific photos from Bhutan!

Chelsea and Marc: First Dance Together

Apparently one friend's unique wedding gift for Chelsea and Marc was dancing lessons and they demonstrated new skills in their first dance as husband and wife. Of course, the longer they're married, the more techniques they'll add to their repertoire – dance steps and otherwise.

No matter who you marry, there are bound to be differences that challenge you – family values, cultural backgrounds, socioeconomic status, religious traditions. But if you're committed to working together, each complements and enriches the other. And when disagreements do occur, you can rely on these tips:

Choose your words. In the midst of an argument, any one of these phrases would be welcomed by a partner feeling misunderstood: I might be wrong; stay with me and don’t withdraw; I see my part in all of this; let’s find common ground; I love you and we'll work this out.

Stay engaged. A gentle touch, eye contact or a quick hug can release oxytocin, a hormone that facilitates bonding as well as reduces blood pressure and stress levels. When you're feeling tense, an affectionate moment can help you feel closer, loved and even more relaxed.

Build emotional dividends. If you characteristically turn toward rather than away from each other, the goodwill you accumulate can provide an emotional cushion. Maintain a reserve of shared positive feelings and you will be able to draw from this supply of affection in times of conflict.

Chelsea and Marc have attended family holidays together so they likely have already started a discussion that includes such topics as Christmas trees and Hanukah menorahs. It is often rituals and family relationships that give faith meaning. The Clintons have raised Chelsea well and she has stood by her parents through tough times. And Chelsea is a survivor - resilient, transcendent, private, well balanced – all qualities that can only enhance a marriage that seems off to a very good start.

Read more here about the newlyweds and making marriage work. We've enjoyed discussing ways to manage the inevitable conflicts in marriage with you this week. If you want more information about family issues, please sign our email list to the left of this post. You'll receive our free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, with lots of tips to improve your relationships. And you can download our free ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals.

Complimentary Ebook on How to Reach Your Goals

Perhaps there's a goal you've wanted to reach for a long time - start a small business, rekindle an old friendship, run a 5K?

When you think about working toward a goal and the inevitable changes that go along with that, you may wonder:

How do I access my strengths?
What can help me grow?
Who will I be then?

If you want answers to these questions, sign our email list to the left, just below this post. And accept these gifts from us - receive our free monthly email newsletter, Stepping Stones, and download our free Ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals.

In this Ebook, you'll find stories about people whose names you probably recognize - Captain Sully Sullenberger, Susan Boyle, Senator Ted Kennedy - as well as practical tips about drawing on your own strengths to create the life you want. Try them on and see how they can work for you.

Senator Ted Kennedy and Reaching Your Goals

To finish up our week about having the courage to create the life you want, we use Senator Ted Kennedy as an example. No matter what challenges he faced, he never took his eye off the goal.

Kennedy's life was marred by tragedy and scandal - from the assassination of brothers John and Robert and the earlier death of his brother Joseph in World War II, to the deadly Chappaquiddick crash. Despite his personal losses and failings, Kennedy persevered. He served alongside 10 United States presidents and was well known for his political insight. Another significant role he played was as patriarch to his brothers' children and grandchildren.

You, too, can gain perspective, whether you're hit in the face with a crisis or making a slow transition into the next chapter of your life. Expect a cascade of feelings - anxiety, the desire to hold on, resentment, sadness, fear, even a sense of freedom. The emotional roller coaster ride is normal. If you have the fortitude to step back, take a deep breath and face the situation squarely, you can't help but grow from the challenges.

An article in Time called Senator Kennedy one of the greatest legislators in American history. You may not want to run for political office, but are you ready to take the first step toward a new goal? Sign our email list to the left of this post and download a complimentart ebook with practical strategies that can help you do it. Here's to the courage to begin re-writing your own story.

Helicopter Parents: Give Your Kids the Gift of Independence

Do you recognize yourself – hovering over your kids' lives, kind of on the fringe and not really letting them figure it out on their own? The best thing you can do is give them more responsibility and have them handle their own issues without stepping in. Try to let go a little at a time.

Minimize financial assistance. Sure, you need to be responsible for the basic necessities. But give your children a weekly allowance and, beginning in high school, encourage them to get part-time jobs. They need to know how to budget their money. Your ultimate goal is to prepare them to live on their own. If they can't manage, boomeranging back may become the only option and everyone pays a price.

Empathize without actually solving their problems. Ask what they think they should do about any situation. Brainstorm about the possible solutions. And, in the end, encourage them to decide what's right for them.

Don’t enable their dependency. Technology makes it too easy to stay connected. Tell your kids you'll be there when they need you, if being in touch regularly is satisfying to both of you. But establish a middle ground and put some limits on the contact.

We know that watching them grow up brings mixed emotions. As you face the challenges that come with letting go, you may find that it's harder than you imagined. But do mark that fine line between support and intrusion. Because, as your children go off on their own, don't you want them to be independent, ready to form healthy relationships and get the dream job? The same as your parents wanted for you.

Want a comprehensive report on Helicopter Parents? Read a feature article on Time.com about The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting. Then sign our email list to the left of this post and download a complimentary ebook with practical tips to help you let go.

Mother's Day: A Difficult Mom and Forgiveness

With Mother's Day right around the corner, make sure you get some of what you need. And that could include the gift of forgiveness. But first:

Be clear about what you're willing to do. Perhaps your mother is older and still has unreasonable expectations of you but doesn't value what you do for her. What you get in return may be criticism, arguments or tantrums. Try your best to stick to your rules by writing a list of what you will tolerate. And don’t assume that you have to do it all alone. Talk openly and honestly about how you feel and encourage other family members to pitch in and do their share. Maintain firm boundaries as you handle these challenges.

Refuse to respond to unrealistic demands - or even realistic ones that you can't meet because of how you feel or other commitments. You can create a more balanced sense of wellbeing by setting limits, especially if your mother is verbally abusive. You don't have to continue to identify with the role of the victim. Although you may not be able to change what happens to you, you can change how you handle it. Consider the possibility of seeing a therapist or coach. Learning how to self soothe and manage your moods will help you feel more in control of your life.

As you continue to work on getting what you need and want, think about the possibility of offering forgiveness. Granted, your mom may have been incredibly damaging, making it difficult to accept yourself or trust others. But know that forgiving your mother for who she is and what she did to you doesn't necessarily excuse her actions. And starting to extinguish the feelings of rejection and resentment can mark a new beginning for you – a Mother's day gift that you give yourself, freeing you from the past.

For more support in starting this process, look to the left of this post and join the email list - you can download our complimentary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned and free newsletter, Stepping Stones.

And don't forget to log on here tomorrow for our monthly Virtual Book Tour with Gary Zukav, author of the #1 New York Times best seller, The Seat of the Soul. Gary will be doing a Q&A about Spiritual Partnership: The Journey to Authentic Power. You'll be able to ask Gary questions by clicking on "Comments" at the bottom of the post.

Mother's Day: A Difficult Mom and How to Care for You

This Mother's Day, why not take care of you? And instead of trying to please a mom for whom it's never enough, pull yourself up to where you belong. Get some help by signing the email list to the left of this post - then download our complimentary ebook and get started!
Feel empowered as you practice greater self love. Make a list of all that you have achieved without the support of parental encouragement and assistance. Realize that these assets belong to you alone. If you've spent a lifetime trying to make your mom show love or consumed with rage about not getting it, perhaps it's hard to see yourself as the valuable person you really are. In time you will come to know that you are not defined by your mom, but by what you envision yourself to be.

Focus on the positives of the life you've created. When you were young, your mom's actions or attitude may have made you feel worthless or invisible. Did you fantasize about getting out from under her control and moving far away? Now that you are married with a family of your own and a successful life, you're no longer that helpless little girl. Admire and respect your grown up qualities, like a sense of responsibility, the ability to laugh at yourself, feelings of independence, common sense and good judgment.

Want more support? Log on here Thursday and Friday for our monthly Virtual Book Tour. We'll be featuring Gary Zukav, author of the #1 New York Times best seller, The Seat of the Soul. Gary will be doing a Q&A about his recently published book, Spiritual Partnership: The Journey to Authentic Power. And you'll be able to ask Gary questions by clicking on "Comments" at the bottom of the post.