Q&A with Gary Zukav about his new Book, Spiritual Partnership

Today we are delighted to welcome New York Times best selling author, Gary Zukav, to our blog. Gary is the author of Spiritual Partnership: The Journey to Authentic Power. His book, filled with poignant examples and practical guidance, empowers us to explore our emotions, intentions, choices and intuition, and to use them to create profound spiritual growth. Now see for yourself:
Nourishing Relationships:Please tell us about spiritual partnerships.

Gary Zukav: I am very happy to be a part of your blog and your extended family, and I am very happy to share all that I know about spiritual partnerships and creating authentic power.

Spiritual partnerships are the most fulfilling, substantive, and deep relationships possible. They are relationships between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth. Growing spiritually means creating a life of more joy and less pain, more meaning and less emptiness, and more love and less fear. As we become aware of ourselves as more than we once thought that we were – and this is happening to millions of people – we long for relationships that are the most meaningful and rewarding possible, that support us in becoming healthy, vibrant, creative, and loving. These are spiritual partnerships.

N R: I understand your book is about not just couples being in spiritual partnership but that all our relationships can become spiritual partnerships. Will you talk about this more?

G Z: You can create spiritual partnerships within your family, with your friends, your coworkers, your neighbors, and with another individual as a couple. No matter who the spiritual partner or spiritual partners are, the spiritual partnership operates the same way. It is a vehicle that supports the partners in it to become more aware of their emotions, to become more aware of their intentions, and in making the most healthy choices that they can, choices that will create consequences for which they are willing to assume responsibility. My spiritual partner Linda Francis and I have been together for seventeen years. We are married, yet we see our relationship as a spiritual partnership, and we see ourselves as spiritual partners. I am committed to my spiritual growth, and Linda is committed to hers. I am responsible for my spiritual growth, and Linda is responsible for hers. Yet I support her in growing spiritually and she supports me. We began creating spiritual partnerships with our granddaughters when they were 6 and 8.

N R: I have good friendships and I feel that they are spiritual partnerships. How can I tell?

G Z: Friends want to make you feel better when you feel bad. Spiritual partners help you look inside when you feel bad and find the internal source of your pain, such as grief, guilt, depression, etc; and then experience it as fully as you can so that you can challenge and heal it. Friends think that the causes of their pain and happiness are outside of themselves, for example, that they are overwhelmed because they have to much too do, or that they are devastated because a partner left or a child is sick. Your work load, the departed partner, the sick child are triggers of your painful experiences, but they are not the causes of them. The causes of them existed before you had too much to do, your partner left, or your child became ill. The pain is real, but it’s cause is not outside of you. It is inside of you. Friends will try to help you ease your pain or distract you from it, but your spiritual partners will help you find and heal the source of it forever, if you are willing to do that.

N R: What is the relationship between my concerns about getting older and changing my relationships into spiritual partnerships?

G Z: It is natural to become more interested in deep and substantive relationships as you begin to appreciate the complexity and richness of Life, and sense the beauty, compassion, and wisdom in it, even in circumstances that sometimes appear to be tragic. However, the thirst for spiritual growth is everywhere, in every age group, in every culture, and in both sexes. A new consciousness is emerging throughout the human family that will not make any of us more kind or wise, but will eventually make all of us more aware – aware of experiences and dynamics, and compassion and wisdom that the five senses cannot detect – and aware of new potentials. Those are the potentials of authentic power and spiritual partnership.

N R: I love the idea of spiritual partnership, but it is a frightening concept that spiritual partners only stay together as long as they are growing together. Can you explain this further?

G Z: One of the dynamics of spiritual partnership is that spiritual partners remain together as long as they grow spiritually together. Since spiritual partnership is a partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth, if one or more of the partners stops growing spiritually – for example, stops challenging his anger, or her need to please, and refuses to begin again – the reason for the partnership no longer exists, and the partnership will fall apart. Other partners will continue in it, but not that person because his commitment no longer supports theirs (spiritual growth). Is this dynamic of spiritual partnership really frightening to you, or is it frightening to a part of your personality that needs the world to be the way that it wants, and becomes frightened when that does not happen? Creating authentic power is the process of becoming the authority in your own life, more aware and more responsible than you were in the past, and able to challenge the frightened parts of your personality (such as those that are angry, jealous, vengeful, feel entitled, need to please, etc.) and to cultivate the loving parts of your personality (such as those that are grateful, patient, content, appreciative, etc.)

NR: Thanks so much for joining us today, Gary – and for your wisdom and honesty. Your tribute to our most important relationships is like a breath of fresh air.

We’re also grateful to all the readers who have dropped by. Click on the title at the top of this post - that will take you to Gary's website where you can learn more about him and Spiritual Partnership.

If you have questions for Gary concerning his stimulating new ideas about our relationships, please click on "Comments" and let us hear from you. Log on again tomorrow - we’ll be summarizing your questions and Gary’s feedback.

Mother's Day: A Difficult Mom and Forgiveness

With Mother's Day right around the corner, make sure you get some of what you need. And that could include the gift of forgiveness. But first:

Be clear about what you're willing to do. Perhaps your mother is older and still has unreasonable expectations of you but doesn't value what you do for her. What you get in return may be criticism, arguments or tantrums. Try your best to stick to your rules by writing a list of what you will tolerate. And don’t assume that you have to do it all alone. Talk openly and honestly about how you feel and encourage other family members to pitch in and do their share. Maintain firm boundaries as you handle these challenges.

Refuse to respond to unrealistic demands - or even realistic ones that you can't meet because of how you feel or other commitments. You can create a more balanced sense of wellbeing by setting limits, especially if your mother is verbally abusive. You don't have to continue to identify with the role of the victim. Although you may not be able to change what happens to you, you can change how you handle it. Consider the possibility of seeing a therapist or coach. Learning how to self soothe and manage your moods will help you feel more in control of your life.

As you continue to work on getting what you need and want, think about the possibility of offering forgiveness. Granted, your mom may have been incredibly damaging, making it difficult to accept yourself or trust others. But know that forgiving your mother for who she is and what she did to you doesn't necessarily excuse her actions. And starting to extinguish the feelings of rejection and resentment can mark a new beginning for you – a Mother's day gift that you give yourself, freeing you from the past.

For more support in starting this process, look to the left of this post and join the email list - you can download our complimentary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned and free newsletter, Stepping Stones.

And don't forget to log on here tomorrow for our monthly Virtual Book Tour with Gary Zukav, author of the #1 New York Times best seller, The Seat of the Soul. Gary will be doing a Q&A about Spiritual Partnership: The Journey to Authentic Power. You'll be able to ask Gary questions by clicking on "Comments" at the bottom of the post.

Mother's Day: A Difficult Mom and How to Care for You

This Mother's Day, why not take care of you? And instead of trying to please a mom for whom it's never enough, pull yourself up to where you belong. Get some help by signing the email list to the left of this post - then download our complimentary ebook and get started!
Feel empowered as you practice greater self love. Make a list of all that you have achieved without the support of parental encouragement and assistance. Realize that these assets belong to you alone. If you've spent a lifetime trying to make your mom show love or consumed with rage about not getting it, perhaps it's hard to see yourself as the valuable person you really are. In time you will come to know that you are not defined by your mom, but by what you envision yourself to be.

Focus on the positives of the life you've created. When you were young, your mom's actions or attitude may have made you feel worthless or invisible. Did you fantasize about getting out from under her control and moving far away? Now that you are married with a family of your own and a successful life, you're no longer that helpless little girl. Admire and respect your grown up qualities, like a sense of responsibility, the ability to laugh at yourself, feelings of independence, common sense and good judgment.

Want more support? Log on here Thursday and Friday for our monthly Virtual Book Tour. We'll be featuring Gary Zukav, author of the #1 New York Times best seller, The Seat of the Soul. Gary will be doing a Q&A about his recently published book, Spiritual Partnership: The Journey to Authentic Power. And you'll be able to ask Gary questions by clicking on "Comments" at the bottom of the post.