You, Your Difficult Mother and Mother’s Day

Perhaps you're fed up with trying to win your mom’s approval and be accepted for who you are. Or you’re tired of feeling guilty and blaming yourself for the problems. Although we all want an emotionally healthy relationship with our mother, sometimes it’s not possible. Instead of trying to placate mom, understand that the anger is her problem and it’s not your responsibility to manage her emotions.

Silence your self doubt. It’s not uncommon for insecurity to be the legacy of a difficult mother. Challenge your negative internal scripts and put them to rest. Value those who listen as you share your opinions and desires. This will remind you that close relationships can be different from your relationship with your mother.

Begin to practice self love. You’ll feel more empowered as you list all that you have achieved without your mom’s encouragement or support. Realize that these assets belong to you alone. If you've spent a lifetime trying to be taken care of or consumed with rage about not having that kind of love, it may be hard to see yourself as the valuable person you really are. You’ll come to know that you are not defined by your mom but by what you envision yourself to be.

Notice the positives of the life you've created. When you were young, your mom's attitude or actions may have made you feel worthless or invisible. Did you fantasize about getting out from under her control and moving far away? Now that you are perhaps married, with a family and a successful life, you're no longer that helpless little girl. Admire and respect your grown up qualities - how responsible you are, being able to laugh at yourself, your fierce independence, common sense and good judgment.

As you continue working to get what you need, consider the possibility of offering forgiveness. Granted, your mom may have made it difficult to accept yourself or trust others. But know that forgiving your mother for who she is doesn't necessarily excuse her actions. And starting to extinguish the feelings of rejection and resentment can mark a new beginning for you - a Mother's Day gift that you give yourself, freeing you from the past.

Mother's Day: A Difficult Mom and How to Care for You

This Mother's Day, why not take care of you? And instead of trying to please a mom for whom it's never enough, pull yourself up to where you belong. Get some help by signing the email list to the left of this post - then download our complimentary ebook and get started!
Feel empowered as you practice greater self love. Make a list of all that you have achieved without the support of parental encouragement and assistance. Realize that these assets belong to you alone. If you've spent a lifetime trying to make your mom show love or consumed with rage about not getting it, perhaps it's hard to see yourself as the valuable person you really are. In time you will come to know that you are not defined by your mom, but by what you envision yourself to be.

Focus on the positives of the life you've created. When you were young, your mom's actions or attitude may have made you feel worthless or invisible. Did you fantasize about getting out from under her control and moving far away? Now that you are married with a family of your own and a successful life, you're no longer that helpless little girl. Admire and respect your grown up qualities, like a sense of responsibility, the ability to laugh at yourself, feelings of independence, common sense and good judgment.

Want more support? Log on here Thursday and Friday for our monthly Virtual Book Tour. We'll be featuring Gary Zukav, author of the #1 New York Times best seller, The Seat of the Soul. Gary will be doing a Q&A about his recently published book, Spiritual Partnership: The Journey to Authentic Power. And you'll be able to ask Gary questions by clicking on "Comments" at the bottom of the post.