Celebrating the Holidays Without a Partner

Now that Thanksgiving is over, many have 'officially' moved into the holiday season. Are you alone and wondering how you'll be celebrating this year? Whether you're divorced or widowed, a single parent or the spouse of a deployed serviceperson, it may have seemed easier when you had a partner to share in the planning. Now that you'll be the one creating the holiday mood, you're likely to feel extra pressures, especially if you have children who are depending on you.

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You can take advantage of the freedom you have to develop customs that are just right for you and your family. Here are some tips to give you a head start, even before December begins:

Recognize that it won't be easy. You may be feeling vulnerable and out of sorts after everything that has happened. Accept your complex emotions and acknowledge that it may difficult for you to enjoy the holidays as much as before. You can relieve some of your inner stress when you don't expect too much of yourself.

Take the process one step at a time. Holidays are stressful and this year won't be any different so try not to get overwhelmed. Do what you can without putting extra pressure on yourself. Set aside some time to relax and enjoy what the season means to you.

Look for support. Friends can throw you a lifeline as you adjust to your new status. And your extended family will help fill in the gaps created by your missing partner. If you have children, the more adults providing loving support, the easier it will be for them.

Check back on Wednesday for more tips to help you manage on your own. And in the meantime, take advantage of our holiday gift to you - download our ebook, free of charge, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success. You'll find more tips for negotiating the tough economic climate, today and throughout the holiday season.

Dog Days of Summer

If you're reading this post today, there's a good chance you've decided not to travel this Labor Day weekend. Was it the desire to nest close to home with your family and enjoy the final dog days of summer or the extra expenses involved in a trip? This year, with the sluggish economy continuing, most families are especially attuned to the rise in prices. According to the AAA, gasoline is more expensive this year - as are plane fares and hotel rooms. And the poor jobs figures that came out on Friday indicate unemployment is still above 9%. So if you're having a tough time, our free ebook - Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success - is still available to you.

To receive a complimentary copy, click on the link and download our gift of Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success. You'll find practical tips for reducing stress, getting some control over your expenses, understanding the role financial instability plays in your marriage, creating new ways of flexible family living within this turbulent economy and investing in your own physical and emotional well-being. Use the tips we provide to create solutions for your family distress in these tough times. You can let us know about the changes you're making through the "comment" button below.

Tools for Coping with Roller Coaster Market

Are you unnerved by the current stock market's dramatic volatility, with its wild swings down and up? If you're feeling anxious about how the national and global economic unrest will affect your personal and family finances, you're not alone. You may be rethinking how you will handle your planned retirement, your kids' college educations, supporting your needy parents, even your day-to-day expenses. While we here at Nourishing Relationships and Her Mentor Center are not financial experts, we do have some coping tips that can help you deal with the emotional overload you may be experiencing. In support of our readers - baby boomers, gen X'ers or others - we are now giving you a gift of our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success free of charge for a limited time.

When you download our free ebook, you'll find practical tips for reducing stress, getting some control over your expenses, understanding the role financial instability plays in your marriage, creating new ways of flexible family living within this turbulent economy and investing in your own physical and emotional well-being.

And if you're a part of the Sandwich Generation - caring for growing children and aging parents - we've found a website that sells some helpful tools. It's called asaneapproach.com and we'd like to share it with you.

You've often heard us talk here at Nourishing Relationships about the importance of creating a written contract when your family is dealing with difficult issues - a teenager's rights and responsibilities, a boomerang kid's privileges and duties, your sibling's roles vis-à-vis aging parents. It's important to clarify expectations on both sides and deal with boundary complexities so they don't sabotage your family relationships.

A Sane Approach offers agreements you can modify to fit the specifics of your family; there are two that may be particularly useful to you in the coming months. In response to the economic downturn, if you're expecting a boomerang kid, their downloadable contract for an adult child moving home can be used to organize the policies you've agreed to implement. Or if you're caring for an elderly parent, their document can help you and your siblings determine exactly how you will share obligations and decision-making.

We hope you'll get some help in keeping your balance in the midst of this financial turmoil and download our free ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success. Let us know how these tips work for you.

Is Another Financial Storm Brewing?

Now that credit rating firm Standard and Poor's has downgraded the United States' government debt from AAA to AA+ for the first time in history, a sense of uncertainty has again taken over the American psyche. After another historic plummet of the stock market last week in response to Congress' clumsy negotiations over raising the debt ceiling, the market again today has opened drastically lower. How will the week play out? No one knows for sure. But families all over the country are bracing for the effect of the national - and global - financial chaos on their own personal futures.

Many are concerned that the S&P downgrade of U.S. bonds - and now their additional downgrade of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac - will raise interest rates for families, making it more difficult for them to pay off credit card debt or arrange for a loan to purchase a new car or home. And small business owners, already hampered in their abilities to function, are facing another setback in their growth from these S&P downgrades.

What can we do in these difficult days? Here at Nourishing Relationships and Her Mentor Center, we'd like to help you cope with the stresses of the economic turmoil that you may be facing. So for a limited time, we are now offering you our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success, completely free of charge. Comprised of eight white papers, our ebook can empower you and give you tools to manage the challenges and tensions you are experiencing. Simply click on the link to Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm and you can receive a complimentary download of the pdf file. Use the tips we provide to create solutions for your family distress in these tough times. And please let us know how you are doing through the "comment" button below.

Tax Day and Sandwiched Boomers

Are you rushing to finish up your income tax returns? This year, due to the celebration of Emancipation Day last Friday in the District of Columbia, citizens have until midnight tonight to get their tax returns postmarked and in the mail. If you're a Sandwiched Boomer you may be asking yourself, "have I taken all of the deductions I'm legally allowed?" When you're supporting both your growing children and your aging parents, you may want to consult with your tax advisor to see if you are eligible for claiming both sets as dependents. After all, you want to conserve as much of your nest egg as you can. With your reduced funds being stretched even thinner by the generations surrounding you, Tax Day brings your finances front and center.

Image: Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

But what about also considering the non-monetary contributions you make to your family in flux? The time, energy, thoughts, emotions you devote to your children and elderly parents can exhaust your core just as your expenses deplete your cash reserves. How is all this affecting you? Are you becoming anxious and angry - on the verge of taking out your frustrations on those around you? Instead, use your Tax Day perspective to look for ways to cope with your stress and preserve more of your health and well-being. Taking better care of yourself can lead to a win-win outcome for everyone in your extended family. When you avoid the burnout that often comes from chronic stress, you're better able to take care of your loved ones as well as yourself.

Here on our blog and on our website, HerMentorCenter.com, we've highlighted the importance of self-care for Sandwiched Boomers. Now you can review the Top 10 Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women and find suggestions about How to Nourish the Sandwich That is You. As guests of Dr. Sandra Haymon, we provided tips for caregivers on blogtalk radio, where you can listen to our complete interview free of charge.

And here are more tips to keep in mind, on Tax Day and everyday:

Maintain balance as you invest your energies in family, career and yourself. You may not be able to attain the perfect level of achievement in any of these three, but you can enjoy a sense of accomplishment in your growing strength. To avoid burnout as you run between caring for your kids and your parents, Psychology Today encourages you to set aside time for yourself to refuel. As you strive to limit your responsibilities to others, you'll find you have more time for fun and fulfillment in your own life.

Practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis to help manage the tensions you are feeling. Make time to go for a walk, exercise at the gym, listen to soothing music or just put your feet up. Learn deep breathing or guided imagery to help you unwind and settle down. Contact your local psychological association to find out what other resources are available in your community. Gather information from Internet sites such as webMD, seminars or self help books about how to minimize the impact of the pressures you are now experiencing.

Ask for help and get support from those around you in order to reduce the stress in your life. Make a concrete plan about what you need and how your can achieve your goals. Consult the Department of Health and Human Services' Eldercare Locator for the names of local resources. When you are not feeling so overwhelmed by your responsibilities and commitments, your negative feelings are not as likely to boil over. Particularly if one of your parents has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, you can use all the help you can get - from the Alzheimer's Association website as well as assistance from other caregivers.

Keep communication open with your spouse, children and aging parents. Talk out disagreements before they become heated arguments that get out of control. Don't put a lid on your emotions, just on expressing them in an aggressive manner. Instead, learn what the Mayo Clinic recommends about developing a direct, assertive style to express your needs. When conflicts arise, agree to be flexible and cooperative - and work toward reaching a compromise.

Your life as a Sandwiched Boomer can be full of stress and anxiety. But when you use these tips and resources, it can help you develop a safety net to fall back on when you need it. For more suggestions about coping with stress in these difficult economic times, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and Stress in America

The weekend shooting of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords - and the attendant murders of six bystanders - has again pushed the American psyche into overload. Though out of harm’s way themselves, many people experience stress and anxiety when faced with these kinds of uncontrollable situations. While it appears the gunman's serious mental illness motivated the shooting spree, the horrendous act itself has raised stress levels all across the United States, already high due to the poor economic climate. In fact, a recent national health survey found that 75% of the general population experiences at least some stress every two weeks, with half of these rated at moderate or high levels.

According to the American Psychological Association, key findings from their recent survey indicate that stress levels have increased over the past five years, impacting both physical and emotional health. Most Americans are feeling moderate to high stress levels, with many feeling overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. The most frequently cited sources of stress are concerns about money, work and the economy. Nearly one-half of those who participated in the survey were fearful about their job stability. Over one-half also noted that family responsibilities and relationships were significant causes of stress.

What can you do to reduce your stress levels and take better care of yourself now and during the rest of 2011? The American Psychological Association has some suggestions to manage your distress in the aftermath of the shooting. And here are some of our tips to get you started:

Maintain balance in your life between personal needs, work and your family obligations. Don't over commit yourself even as you retain a normal routine. Carve out some special time for yourself even in the midst of caring for your growing children and aging parents.

Exercise moderately several times a week. Only one-quarter of those surveyed were satisfied with their level of physical activity. To increase yours, find an activity that you enjoy and will stick with - walking with friends, water aerobics, dance or yoga classes, training at the gym.

Eat sensibly, following a balanced diet of healthy foods rich in nutrition that serve as a natural defense against stress. Avoid the use of drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and limit your use of sugar, caffeine and cigarettes as they can contribute to your anxiety. Get enough rest and sleep to allow your body to recover from the stresses of the day. Over 40% of the survey respondents reported feeling fatigued on a regular basis and lacking in energy.

Use relaxation techniques. Set aside time for a regular routine of deep breathing, guided imagery, meditation, or other stress reduction methods. Decide to put off worrying - much of what you may fear never actually happens anyway. Remember to be open to the healing effects of laughter.

Using these tips can help you become more resilient as you cope with the stresses around you on a daily basis. And to learn more about how you can manage the pressures you face in our economic downturn, check out our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Focus on Your Assets

With the New Year approaching, do you think it's too late to start making lists and outlining dramatic changes for yourself? Novelist Mary Anne Evans (AKA George Eliot) wisely advised, It is never too late to be what you might have been. So decide what you want to be and then begin the process to make it happen in 2011.

And just in case you've had trouble in the past taking the first step toward change, our article Sandwiched Boomers: 7 Tips on Fighting Inertia, available on our website, Her Mentor Center, gives you suggestions for overcoming these hurdles.

Here are some more practical tips to help you focus on the positive qualities you possess and how you can apply them:

Engage in an active process of getting to know your true self and what you want to do. Think about what you would see if you held up a mirror to your inner self. What nurtures your creative thinking? What stimulates your curiosity? What do you really value and care about? What are your dreams and passions? When you can honestly answer these questions for yourself, you can begin to identify what is your life purpose. Only then can you go about achieving it.

How would you like to share your "assets" with others? Your expertise can be directed to giving back to those in need, to the next generation, to the community, country, world. Begin to practice small acts of kindness – let a harried mother go ahead of you in the grocery line, give up the parking space to an elderly gentleman, smile at the sales clerk who looks like she’s having a bad day. At this stressful holiday time, your thoughtfulness and consideration can mean even more to those around you.

Just as you would calculate liabilities as well as assets when determining your financial net worth, you can look at the areas that you would like to enhance in your personal life. This provides a focus for your actions toward self-improvement. Let 2011 become the beginning of changes that you have been planning to make but never quite began before.

After you identify your strengths and the direction you want to take, start to develop a concrete plan of action you can follow. Establish short-term objectives that will move you, step by step, toward the long-term goals you have set for yourself. Whether you're dealing with growing children, aging parents or your own self-discovery, create your personal vision for 2011 using your newly completed asset inventory.

For more insight and tips about achieving the goals you set for yourself in 2011 check out our article, 8 Strategies to Turn Your New Year's Resolutions into Reality.

And if you want to get a running start on dealing with the pressures of the weak economy in 2011, you can purchase our ebook, TAKING CONTROL OF STRESS IN A FINANCIAL STORM: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Voices Raised and Budgets Honored

Tired this morning from watching late night news about the elections across the United States? Although not all results are in yet, it's clear that the American people have used the polls to give voice to their concerns about the economy. The challenge to the administration is to work with the new Congress to cut spending, balance the budget and reduce the deficit while creating new jobs and reviving the economy.

To help your own personal family budget, Nourishing Relationships is pleased to be a part of this week's Mom Audience Giveaway Explosion. We've enjoyed learning about Mom Audience, which gives mothers the opportunity to connect with business, employment and service opportunities as well as find out about discounts, deals, giveaways, products and other events. Now they have compiled a group of blogs and websites that are providing products and services free of charge to Mom Audience members this week.

To take advantage of the Mom Audience Giveaway Explosion, subscribe to Mom Audience. When you do, you'll receive an email with a list of giveaways available to you this week.

Our Nourishing Relationships giveaway is a copy of our ebook Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals and a chance to also receive a copy of our newest ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

To receive Courage and Lessons Learned, simply sign up to receive our monthly ezine, Stepping Stones, which is offered to the left of this blog post. Stepping Stones gives you insider information about our monthly Virtual Book Tours as well as informative white papers with practical tips about how to nourish your family relationships without starving yourself.

As always, you are welcome to follow us on twitter and "like" us on our facebook fan page. You'll discover practical tips and strategies for the Sandwich Generation, whether you're coping with stress, acting out teens, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law.

If you want to become eligible to also receive a complimentary copy of Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm, leave a comment to this blog post, answering the question: "How would you react if you had a adult child who wanted to move back home?" We'll be giving away copies of our ebook - full of white papers about coping in this economy - to 3 lucky winners, chosen at random. Be sure to leave a contact email so we can let you know if you win. You can learn more about Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm on our website, Her Mentor Center. You'll find information, support and direction there to help you manage your family in flux.

Economic Challenges and Resiliency

Redefining a crisis as a challenge gives you the power to begin, step by step, coping with the situation. See the changes you need to make in this economy as the opportunity to create a more fulfilling life for yourself and your family.

Recognizing your strengths and resources keeps you optimistic and resilient. Click on the NourishRelationships YouTube video for 10-second tips about keeping your perspective in this recession.

When you are able to remain upbeat about your future, you can take advantage of opportunities that may open up to you. Although jobs are scarce, there are some that may become available.

For more tips about how to stay positive during this economic recession, check out our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm, available on our Her Mentor Center website.

And visit our website's Family Relationships archive library for other articles to help you learn to nurture yourself.

Taking Care of Yourself in this Economy

You've probably noticed that the economic downward spiral has affected more than your pocket book. For most of us, it has also taken a toll on our feelings of well-being and security. Reports indicate that mental health calls due to financial pressure have increased more than 100% since the crisis began. If you are feeling signs of distress, check out these NourishRelationships YouTube video tips about how to nurture yourself. You'll learn how to take better care of yourself and create a healthier lifestyle for you and your family - even during this financial downturn.

In these times of economic instability, when you may be feeling insecure and powerless, you'll find your friends and family can buffer these negative emotions. Reach out to those who care about you and let them know how much their nurturing sustains you. Expressing your gratitude for their support is good for both you and them - each of you will grow stronger and more powerful. Watch a NourishRelationships YouTube video today for 10-second tips about asking for and receiving support. Even Sandwiched Boomers, caring for growing children and aging parents, can learn to request and gain help in managing their family in flux.

If your stress levels increase as your financial stability decreases, our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm, available on our Her Mentor Center website. And visit our website's Family Relationships archive library for other articles to help you learn to nurture yourself.

The Election, the Economy and You

News about the economy continues to be gloomy. Unemployment figures still languish near 10 percent, home foreclosures persist unabated and bankruptcy is the only feasible alternative for many Americans. As the election season moves into high gear, it reflects the mantra of 1992, "it's the economy, stupid." Funds are hard to come by and even battered ones are appreciated.

Actually thriving during an economic crisis may be impossible to achieve, but you can learn techniques to help you deal with these difficult times. All this week, you'll find video tips here to help you cope with the current economy. You can get started with this NourishRelationships YouTube video.

Even with the weak recovery we are experiencing, you and other Sandwiched Boomers can regain some control over your situation by educating yourself, evaluating your finances and making the hard decisions that lead to changes in your lifestyle. For more coping tips about how to put yourself back in charge, watch another NourishRelationships YouTube video.

And if you want to learn how to maintain and even strengthen your family relationships during this time of financial belt-tightening, you can purchase our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm, available on our Her Mentor Center website.

Strategies for Success at Work

Now the summer is over and the kids have gone back to school, are you thinking about re-charging your career? That might mean a renewed dedication to your current position, consideration of a job change, or starting your own business. If you're re-entering the workforce after a layoff, the issues can be even more complex.

But how do you find the time and energy to revive your career when you are also caring for growing children and aging parents - especially if you are a sandwiched boomer? Here are some practical strategies for success when negotiating the demands of work and motherhood:

Find your unique passion and cultivate it. What brings you joy and the ability to be fully engaged in your job? Recognize the creativity and excitement that emerge as you follow your dreams. When you are in flow, you won't notice the day flying by as you immerse yourself in your projects.

Set carer goals that you can accomplish. Work hard at your job and treat it with the significance it deserves. However, if you are a parent, remember that your work at home is just as important as your career. Pay attention to what is going on in your family and have contingency plans for how to keep members feeling secure.

Put in effort and practice hard to excel. When you strive for your personal best, repetition becomes you partner in success. Set long-term goals as well as realistic and incremental steps to reach them. Give yourself credit when you achieve an objective and, as you set the next one, aim to move ever closer toward your ultimate goal.

Brainstorm and think outside the box. Be creative when you are faced with a complex situation. Often you can improvise when a solution doesn't readily appear. Use your skills to develop resiliency. Your first plan may not work but keep revising until you have plans that you can implement.

Bring all your resources into play. Draw upon you friends, extended family and available community services to help you through the challenges you are facing. Learn to cooperate with others and use teamwork as you strategize and move toward accomplishing your objectives and goals. Relish the support that comes from those who care about you.

Another resource for you is our website, Her Mentor Center. Visit often for support, information and direction as you manage your career and cope with the demands of your family-in-flux. In this tough economy, you'll find our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm, provides you with practical strategies for success.

We Are Queens Not Princesses

We were pleased to host Donna Henes here at Nourishing Relationships for a Virtual Book Tour on Wednesday. She answered questions about her stimulating book, The Queen of My Self: Stepping Into Sovereignty in Midlife.

Several readers wanted to clear up their understanding of some of the words Donna used when she was chatting with us.

One reader asked:
Excuse my ignorance, but what is an urban shaman?

And Donna responded:

"To answer your question as to what an urban shaman is:

As shamans in every culture always have, I create contemporary rituals for my community, which I consider to be all of humanity. My role is that of catalyst: organizing and instigating innovative, de-mystified systems for creative public interaction, celebration, and communion.

I am an Urban Shaman, a modern urban woman, living in the city that is the capital of the world. My specialty is multicultural ritual and ceremony. I learn from all of the members of my community and blend together rituals that speak to all people from all backgrounds. My circles reflect that diversity and I am proud to be the ceremonial connector of people of all faiths and ethnicities."

Remembering the negative label of 'Princess', another reader inquired:
Just wondering how a Queen is different from a "Princess." I never wanted to be thought of as a "Princess" when I was younger, so why do I want to be a Queen now?"

Queen Mama Donna replied:

"A Queen is not a grown up princess. A princess is pampered, cosseted in a cushion of entitlement. A Queen is a mature ruler of her own destiny. She rolls up her sleeves and does whatever needs to be done, because she sees the need and has the ability to respond. A Queen owns and embraces her own power and uses it to empower others."

Sharon commented:
I like that just because we're focusing on being the best we can each be, it doesn't mean that we ignore the rest of the world. As you say, we can use our maturity to respond to the needs of others and give back.

And Donna's response was:

"Yes, respond is the key word. I like to spell responsibility with s hyphen: response-ability. Our responsibility to ourselves, our inner circles, our community and our world is defined by our ability to respond."


Finally, two readers asked Donna for some advice about how to think of themselves as Queens.

Gloria said:
Thanks for your encouragement. I'd like to think of myself as a Queen but to my kids either I'm invisible or, if they do acknowledge me, I'm an intrusive, royal pain in the butt.

Queen Mama Donna answered her:

"Hi Gloria, So your kids don't see you as a Queen... What do they know?! You are the Queen of your own life. We all are. IF we can allow ourselves to own our own power. Only you can validate your own sovereignty. Issue an official Royal Decree "I hereby declare that I am forthwith Queen of My Self." All hail!"

Another reader put it this way:
Mama Donna, You make so much sense - but it's hard to keep thinking of myself as a Queen when I keep getting shot down. What can I do to keep myself on track?

Here's how Donna weighed in:

"Keeping your own center in the midst of opposition is not easy. But it is incredibly important. It is all about Self-esteem.

In The Queen of My Self there is an entire chapter of exercises and practices to help develop a healthy sense of internal sovereignty. Also, I write a daily bog on Beliefnet.com with information, advice, inspiration and encouragement for obtaining Meaning, Moxie and Majesty in Midlife.

You can also subscribe to The Queen's Chronicles for a monthly Ezine full of ideas to keep empowered. Just go to thequeenofmyself.com and sign up.

These tools are helpful as reminders of and as connectors to your own power.

In the end, it is your opinion of you that counts. Eleanor Roosevelt said, No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

Again, our thanks to Donna for joining us here at Nourishing Relationships. For news about other Virtual Book Tours we have hosted, visit our website, HerMentorCenter.com and watch some videos about past guests we have welcomed. You'll also find information on our website about how to order our new ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.