Reaching Out

In America, we've received another blow to the gut as we are reminded of how lives can change in an instant. The horrific shootings in Aurora, Colorado cast a pale over what was meant to be an entertaining evening respite. Over the weekend, information flowed in from the media, putting individual faces on the victims and outlining many heroic actions of people attempting to shield others from harm and helping those who were already injured.

Ironically, one young woman who was killed, Jessica Ghawi, had earlier survived another shooting at a mall in Canada and had blogged about her experience at that time, I was shown how fragile life was on Saturday. I saw the terror on bystanders' faces. I saw the victims of a senseless crime. I saw lives change. I was reminded that we don't know when or where our time on Earth will end. When or where we will breathe our last breath. Her words are even more haunting now that she is dead.

 

As we face acts of senseless violence like these, we instinctively join together as a community to support one another. When it feels like our safety and security is threatened by an event like this, we seek a solid footing to ground us. We feel less overwhelmed and vulnerable when we experience the touch of another. 

You already know that, in caring for your own family, a hug and kiss can help reduce the pain – emotional and physical. And talking to those in your support system relieves some of your stress, anxiety and fear. So open up to your friends and family about your feelings and thoughts - they can validate your emotions and begin the healing process. And giving a helping hand to others does wonders - it provides aide to those in need and makes you feel useful too.

We may try to understand the reasons behind the attack in an attempt to gain more control over any future chaos. But while so-called pundits will offer explanations about the perpetrator, we really don't yet know what motivated him to conceive of and execute such a terrible plan. What we do know is that reaching out to comfort others in pain and to ask friends and family for support ourselves when we need it creates a resilient, caring community for all of us.

When those under stress join together to sustain each other, we all benefit. Through sharing our common concerns and life experiences we gain a sense of camaraderie, understanding and acceptance. Our mutual support helps diminish the feelings of isolation, anxiety and helplessness and brings a sense of control back into our lives.

In the future we can reflect on what this most recent terrible shooting means to our society but in the meantime, let's join hands with others, empowering us all, and declare our humanity and solidarity with the good in our world.

Gabby Giffords as an Inspirational Role Model

The courage and dignity shown by Gabrielle Giffords over the past year as she struggled to cope with the results of her horrific shooting were repeated this week as she made the announcement that she will step down today from her position as the United States Representative from her district in Arizona. It was inspiring to watch her smiling face and listen to her halting but strong voice declare her thanks for the support of her constituents and her pledge to return to the people of Arizona.

Photo courtesy of Gabrielle Giffords Congressional Office/Handout/Reuters

When Gabby Giffords was first shot, we blogged here about how the country would react to this crime by a mentally ill gunman. We had some suggestions for getting support in such times of crisis and for managing the stress that comes from an uncontrollable event like her shooting. You can look back over those posts and try on some of the tips we outlined there.

In addition to killing six citizens at the town hall, wounding another 12, and forever changing Gabby's life, the shooting also generated partisan finger pointing, ironic since Giffords had been rated as one of the most bipartisan, centrist members of Congress.

Gabby has been an exemplar of self-respect in her determination to progress in her healing. It is humbling to see her commitment and perseverance as she continues on her road to recovery and rehabilitation.

As you talk with you family about the role model she embodies, you can focus on some of her beliefs, attitudes and actions. Gabby has been:

Determined to move forward
Hard working in her rehabilitation
Optimistic in her outlook
Realistic in her goal setting
Steadfast in her beliefs about reconciliation
Appreciative of the support she's received
Grateful for her friends and family
Loving to her husband
Loyal to her constituents
True to herself
Committed to living a full life

These are all qualities we hope to emulate ourselves and instill in our children. We wish Gabby the very best of luck on her difficult but inspiring journey and support her words today, I will return, and we will work together for Arizona and this great country.

Optimism about Gabrielle Giffords' and America's Recovery

The recent news has been good concerning the ongoing recovery of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords after she was shot point blank in the head on Saturday. Reports are that she is breathing on her own as her husband holds her hand. The outpouring of prayers and good thoughts coming from Americans around the country will help to sustain her and her family through the long and arduous recovery that she faces. Support also goes out to the families of the six murder victims, whose funerals begin tomorrow as 9 year old Christina Taylor Green is laid to rest.

How will the country recover from this tragedy? Will Americans come together to face this heartbreak as one nation or will we be driven apart by finger-pointing and fractious debate? The palpable distress created by the horrific shootings have added to the already high levels of stress identified by the recent national survey conducted by the American Psychological Association.

We hope that such unfathomable horror will never personally touch you or your loved ones, but here are some techniques to use when you are coping with other stresses in your life:

Focus on what you can control and what you can accomplish, not what you can't. Close to one-half of those surveyed by APA said they experienced irritability and anger as a symptom of stress. While you often can't influence circumstances, you can recognize your emotions and control how you handle them. To move away from frustration, let go of negative thoughts and unrealistic expectations. Clearly define your goals or aspirations and keep focused on them. Make something positive come out of a negative situation.

Draw on your strengths. Survey respondents readily admitted their lack of willpower in creating a healthier lifestyle but 70% believe they can improve and institute the changes they have identified. Use the personal strengths you have relied on in the past as well as those you have developed more recently. Brainstorm new ways to apply the abilities you have in a novel way as you generate new opportunities for yourself.

Be patient with yourself. Know that you will recover balance and serenity at your own pace. As long as you keep moving forward, you will eventually reach your destination. Like one-half of survey respondents, you may find that listening to music, exercising, spending time with family or friends and reading are comforting ways to manage your stress.

Talk about your thoughts and feelings with family and friends and reach out to others in your support system. Be open to asking for help and validation of your emotions. You may want to consult a professional counselor for a non-judgmental ear and help in sorting out your concerns. Start a journal to aid in the process of coping with your anxiety.

You'll likely find that your personal recovery, both physical and emotional, will take time. Support is valuable as you begin the process of rebuilding body and spirit and restoring hope as you cope with your own feelings of stress and anxiety. And the American Psychological Association has more tips for coping with stress in the aftermath of traumas such as these horrific shootings.

Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and Stress in America

The weekend shooting of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords - and the attendant murders of six bystanders - has again pushed the American psyche into overload. Though out of harm’s way themselves, many people experience stress and anxiety when faced with these kinds of uncontrollable situations. While it appears the gunman's serious mental illness motivated the shooting spree, the horrendous act itself has raised stress levels all across the United States, already high due to the poor economic climate. In fact, a recent national health survey found that 75% of the general population experiences at least some stress every two weeks, with half of these rated at moderate or high levels.

According to the American Psychological Association, key findings from their recent survey indicate that stress levels have increased over the past five years, impacting both physical and emotional health. Most Americans are feeling moderate to high stress levels, with many feeling overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. The most frequently cited sources of stress are concerns about money, work and the economy. Nearly one-half of those who participated in the survey were fearful about their job stability. Over one-half also noted that family responsibilities and relationships were significant causes of stress.

What can you do to reduce your stress levels and take better care of yourself now and during the rest of 2011? The American Psychological Association has some suggestions to manage your distress in the aftermath of the shooting. And here are some of our tips to get you started:

Maintain balance in your life between personal needs, work and your family obligations. Don't over commit yourself even as you retain a normal routine. Carve out some special time for yourself even in the midst of caring for your growing children and aging parents.

Exercise moderately several times a week. Only one-quarter of those surveyed were satisfied with their level of physical activity. To increase yours, find an activity that you enjoy and will stick with - walking with friends, water aerobics, dance or yoga classes, training at the gym.

Eat sensibly, following a balanced diet of healthy foods rich in nutrition that serve as a natural defense against stress. Avoid the use of drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and limit your use of sugar, caffeine and cigarettes as they can contribute to your anxiety. Get enough rest and sleep to allow your body to recover from the stresses of the day. Over 40% of the survey respondents reported feeling fatigued on a regular basis and lacking in energy.

Use relaxation techniques. Set aside time for a regular routine of deep breathing, guided imagery, meditation, or other stress reduction methods. Decide to put off worrying - much of what you may fear never actually happens anyway. Remember to be open to the healing effects of laughter.

Using these tips can help you become more resilient as you cope with the stresses around you on a daily basis. And to learn more about how you can manage the pressures you face in our economic downturn, check out our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Familes Come Together

In times of turmoil and pain, families instinctively draw together. As investigators are trying to learn more about the shooter at Fort Hood, friends and family of the victims are turning their attention to one another for support and comfort. Grieving as one with the country, members of the Armed Forces sustain each another as family.

With Veterans Day coming tomorrow, we are again reminded of the Service men and women who leave their families to protect ours. As you reflect on the events of the past several days, you may find yourselves thinking about what you can learn from veterans about the importance of family. Here are some suggestions to consider.

Express the gratitude you feel for what they have given you – protection, opportunities, love, strength, enjoyment of life. You have doors open to you now because of them. This can begin with something as simple as a heartfelt "thank you," and develop into a more textured and thoughtful recognition of what you are thankful for.

Recognize the importance of revealing the love you have for each other. Those who have been in harm's way know the meaning of the words, "it's too late." Don't put off sharing your love; decide to make it a priority. Each day, acknowledge those you love, and who love you, as if it were your last.

Understand the value of friendship. Those in the service have trusted and leaned on each other as they've shared their experiences and relied on their camaraderie. Know that we are here to take care of our friends and family – close and extended – difficult though it may be at times.

Community support is there for the taking when you know where to look and how to ask for it. Be open to the reality that you might need to utilize the input and generosity of others. You are not diminished when you allow another to help you.

Are you a Sandwiched Boomer finding it hard to get started focusing on the strengths of your family in these trying times? Click on the post title above to take you to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com. You can read our article, 5 Steps to Gratitude Despite a Tough Economy for tips about how to focus on acknowledging and expressing what you are grateful for.