Mommy Wars Post Tax Day

Moms continue to reflect and speak out about the economy – the nation’s and their own family’s. Women recognize that life can be full of stress and anxiety, especially when extra financial worries erupt at tax time. Whether you’re a work-at-home mom or pursue a career outside the house, we can all choose to attack the problems, not each other. These tips can help you become part of the solution as you develop a personal safety net to fall back on now and in other difficult times:

Reconsider your assumptions, refocus and reframe your thoughts. When you look at things from a different perspective, you’ll be able to come up with fresh ways to deal with the stresses you face. Expressing your gratitude for the gifts you have will create a better mood for you and those around you.

Gather information from counselors, Internet sites, seminars or self help books about how to minimize the impact of pressures you are now experiencing. Find out what resources are available in the community to help manage your tensions.

Practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis. Learn deep breathing or guided imagery to help you unwind and settle down. Go for a walk early in the morning and enjoy the sights, sounds, and aroma of the world just getting up. If you have a few minutes in the house, refresh and relax by putting your feet up and listening to some soothing music.

Ask for help and turn to those around you for support. When you let your friends and family know what you need from them, they are more likely to come to your aid. Clarify what’s necessary to achieve your goals. When you’re not feeling so overwhelmed by your responsibilities and commitments, your outlook will be more positive and optimistic.

Communicate honestly with your spouse, growing children and aging parents. Talk out disagreements before they become heated, out of control arguments. Don't put a lid on your emotions, just on expressing them in an aggressive manner. Instead, develop a direct, assertive style to express your needs. When conflicts arise, agree to be flexible and cooperative as you work toward reaching a compromise.

And lets use this same conversational etiquette when we talk with each other – about taxes, moms, women’s roles or politics. November is still six months away and we can help set a civil tone for the dialogue.

Tax Day and Sandwiched Boomers

Are you rushing to finish up your income tax returns? This year, due to the celebration of Emancipation Day last Friday in the District of Columbia, citizens have until midnight tonight to get their tax returns postmarked and in the mail. If you're a Sandwiched Boomer you may be asking yourself, "have I taken all of the deductions I'm legally allowed?" When you're supporting both your growing children and your aging parents, you may want to consult with your tax advisor to see if you are eligible for claiming both sets as dependents. After all, you want to conserve as much of your nest egg as you can. With your reduced funds being stretched even thinner by the generations surrounding you, Tax Day brings your finances front and center.

Image: Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

But what about also considering the non-monetary contributions you make to your family in flux? The time, energy, thoughts, emotions you devote to your children and elderly parents can exhaust your core just as your expenses deplete your cash reserves. How is all this affecting you? Are you becoming anxious and angry - on the verge of taking out your frustrations on those around you? Instead, use your Tax Day perspective to look for ways to cope with your stress and preserve more of your health and well-being. Taking better care of yourself can lead to a win-win outcome for everyone in your extended family. When you avoid the burnout that often comes from chronic stress, you're better able to take care of your loved ones as well as yourself.

Here on our blog and on our website, HerMentorCenter.com, we've highlighted the importance of self-care for Sandwiched Boomers. Now you can review the Top 10 Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women and find suggestions about How to Nourish the Sandwich That is You. As guests of Dr. Sandra Haymon, we provided tips for caregivers on blogtalk radio, where you can listen to our complete interview free of charge.

And here are more tips to keep in mind, on Tax Day and everyday:

Maintain balance as you invest your energies in family, career and yourself. You may not be able to attain the perfect level of achievement in any of these three, but you can enjoy a sense of accomplishment in your growing strength. To avoid burnout as you run between caring for your kids and your parents, Psychology Today encourages you to set aside time for yourself to refuel. As you strive to limit your responsibilities to others, you'll find you have more time for fun and fulfillment in your own life.

Practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis to help manage the tensions you are feeling. Make time to go for a walk, exercise at the gym, listen to soothing music or just put your feet up. Learn deep breathing or guided imagery to help you unwind and settle down. Contact your local psychological association to find out what other resources are available in your community. Gather information from Internet sites such as webMD, seminars or self help books about how to minimize the impact of the pressures you are now experiencing.

Ask for help and get support from those around you in order to reduce the stress in your life. Make a concrete plan about what you need and how your can achieve your goals. Consult the Department of Health and Human Services' Eldercare Locator for the names of local resources. When you are not feeling so overwhelmed by your responsibilities and commitments, your negative feelings are not as likely to boil over. Particularly if one of your parents has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, you can use all the help you can get - from the Alzheimer's Association website as well as assistance from other caregivers.

Keep communication open with your spouse, children and aging parents. Talk out disagreements before they become heated arguments that get out of control. Don't put a lid on your emotions, just on expressing them in an aggressive manner. Instead, learn what the Mayo Clinic recommends about developing a direct, assertive style to express your needs. When conflicts arise, agree to be flexible and cooperative - and work toward reaching a compromise.

Your life as a Sandwiched Boomer can be full of stress and anxiety. But when you use these tips and resources, it can help you develop a safety net to fall back on when you need it. For more suggestions about coping with stress in these difficult economic times, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Building Resiliency After the Disasters in Japan

The Japanese concept of gaman - strength, patience, discipline - is evident in the reactions of the people there to the cascade of disasters that have hit them: earthquake, tsunami, nuclear contamination. In the midst of widespread damage, they are grieving their tremendous loss of lives and property but are also determined to endure and already beginning to rebuild. With the tradition of working together and an attitude that "everything will be all right," the Japanese people are hoping to move forward.

What can we learn from the people of Japan about resiliency in the face of tragedy? World events - and the 24/7 news about them - contribute to the anxiety and tension we feel on a daily basis. Without the effect of these outside events, the most frequently cited sources of stress in the recent American Psychological Association survey were money, work and the economy. Over one-half of the respondents also noted that family responsibilities and relationships were significant causes of chronic stress. Today, added to that, people are experiencing additional anxiety, though out of harm’s way themselves, because of the uncontrollable events that have hit Japan.

Coping with stress is important for building resiliency and maintaining our physical as well as mental health. Earlier this week on the blog we talked about four strategies to use when you are feeling overwhelmed. Here are five more suggestions for you to use now and on a regular basis:

Practice relaxation techniques. Set aside time for a regular routine of deep breathing, guided imagery, meditation or other stress reduction methods. Decide to put off worrying - much of what you may fear never actually happens anyway. Remember to be open to the healing effects of laughter.

Exercise several times a week. Only one-quarter of Americans surveyed by APA were satisfied with their level of physical activity. To increase yours, find an activity that you enjoy and stick with it - walking with friends, water aerobics, pilates or yoga classes, training at the gym.

Eat sensibly. Resolve to maintain a balanced diet of healthy foods rich in nutrition that serve as a natural defense against stress. Avoid the use of drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and limit your use of sugar, caffeine and cigarettes as they can contribute to anxiety.

Reach out to your support system. Ask for help. Talk about your thoughts and feelings with family and friends - they can validate your emotions. You may want to consult a professional counselor for a non-judgmental ear and guidance in sorting out your concerns.

Be patient. Know that you will recover balance and serenity at your own pace. As long as you keep taking steps to move forward, you will eventually reach your destination. Like one-half of survey respondents, you may find that listening to music, exercising, spending time with family or friends and reading are comforting ways to manage stress.

Close to one-half of those surveyed by the American Psychological Association said they experienced irritability and anger as a symptom of stress. The APA has compiled a stress tip sheet to help reduce these kinds of negative emotions. You can learn to manage stress and become more resilient when you practice the strategies we've focused on this week. Nevertheless your emotional recovery, like the Japanese, will take time. Support - both for yourself and what you provide to others - is valuable as you begin the process of rebuilding and restoring hope in these difficult days.