Are You Feeling Down? Is Your Guy?

In today's society, it seems like there's a lot going on to get us depressed - the economy is still stalled, radioactive water is seeping into the Pacific Ocean around Japan, civil wars are breaking out in Africa and the Middle East, just for starters. Has absorbing all of this thrown you into a tailspin? We've talked before here on the blog about how to cope with your own stress and blues, how to rebuild a sense of resiliency to buffer you from anxiety and worry, and how to help your children when they are feeling pressured by the events around them.

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Now we've heard from Jed Diamond, Ph.D., that we need to pay attention to the men in our lives too - according to Jed, they are beginning to catch up to women in their rates of depression. With cases of male depression traditionally being underreported, the concern, among Jed and others researching the issue, is that with the current economic stagnation, the rates of male depression and even suicide will rise even higher. Since men have been laid off in greater numbers and percentages during this economic downturn, it has been labeled a "mancession" by some.

When Jed joined us here for a virtual book tour, he discussed how male depression often manifests in irritable, mean behavior rather than in the symptoms we typically expect. His book, Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome, highlights signs to notice that could be an indication of these deeper emotional concerns in your guy. You can find out more about this new epidemic on Jed's website.

And to learn about some of our Nourishing Relationships practical tips for managing the pressures you and your family face in these tough economic times, look for our empowering ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success. It's available through our website, Her Mentor Center.

Building Resiliency After the Disasters in Japan

The Japanese concept of gaman - strength, patience, discipline - is evident in the reactions of the people there to the cascade of disasters that have hit them: earthquake, tsunami, nuclear contamination. In the midst of widespread damage, they are grieving their tremendous loss of lives and property but are also determined to endure and already beginning to rebuild. With the tradition of working together and an attitude that "everything will be all right," the Japanese people are hoping to move forward.

What can we learn from the people of Japan about resiliency in the face of tragedy? World events - and the 24/7 news about them - contribute to the anxiety and tension we feel on a daily basis. Without the effect of these outside events, the most frequently cited sources of stress in the recent American Psychological Association survey were money, work and the economy. Over one-half of the respondents also noted that family responsibilities and relationships were significant causes of chronic stress. Today, added to that, people are experiencing additional anxiety, though out of harm’s way themselves, because of the uncontrollable events that have hit Japan.

Coping with stress is important for building resiliency and maintaining our physical as well as mental health. Earlier this week on the blog we talked about four strategies to use when you are feeling overwhelmed. Here are five more suggestions for you to use now and on a regular basis:

Practice relaxation techniques. Set aside time for a regular routine of deep breathing, guided imagery, meditation or other stress reduction methods. Decide to put off worrying - much of what you may fear never actually happens anyway. Remember to be open to the healing effects of laughter.

Exercise several times a week. Only one-quarter of Americans surveyed by APA were satisfied with their level of physical activity. To increase yours, find an activity that you enjoy and stick with it - walking with friends, water aerobics, pilates or yoga classes, training at the gym.

Eat sensibly. Resolve to maintain a balanced diet of healthy foods rich in nutrition that serve as a natural defense against stress. Avoid the use of drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and limit your use of sugar, caffeine and cigarettes as they can contribute to anxiety.

Reach out to your support system. Ask for help. Talk about your thoughts and feelings with family and friends - they can validate your emotions. You may want to consult a professional counselor for a non-judgmental ear and guidance in sorting out your concerns.

Be patient. Know that you will recover balance and serenity at your own pace. As long as you keep taking steps to move forward, you will eventually reach your destination. Like one-half of survey respondents, you may find that listening to music, exercising, spending time with family or friends and reading are comforting ways to manage stress.

Close to one-half of those surveyed by the American Psychological Association said they experienced irritability and anger as a symptom of stress. The APA has compiled a stress tip sheet to help reduce these kinds of negative emotions. You can learn to manage stress and become more resilient when you practice the strategies we've focused on this week. Nevertheless your emotional recovery, like the Japanese, will take time. Support - both for yourself and what you provide to others - is valuable as you begin the process of rebuilding and restoring hope in these difficult days.

Learning How to Cope from the Japanese

For the past 10 days, we've seen heartbreaking pictures of epic devastation in Japan, resulting from the massive earthquake and ravaging tsunami there. And read frightening reports of damaged nuclear reactors with newly elevated levels of radiation in the food and water supply. But what we've also seen are people reacting with composure and a cooperative spirit. And we've read about people demonstrating resilience and unity in the face of tremendous horror. Even with the shock of one-half million homeless and estimates of 10,000 dead, the culture of the Japanese remains one of harmony with a focus on what is best for the group. There is certainly grief and mourning the loss of loved ones, but the reaction to the tragedies has not led to a further deterioration of community cohesion.

From your distance, how do you respond? Are you overwhelmed by the 24-hour news coverage? Has your level of anxiety increased? If you're feeling vulnerable, you're not alone. The emotional reactions to disasters such as these may be even worse for baby boomers, who reveal higher levels of depression than other age groups, according to the website ThirdAge.com.

The palpable distress created by shocking news reports has added to the already high levels of stress identified by the American Psychological Association in their national survey. The study found 75% of the U.S. population experiences at least some stress every two weeks, with half of these rated at moderate or high levels, leaving people emotionally exhausted. And stress levels have increased over the past five years - even before the catastrophes in Japan - impacting both physical and psychological health.

APA has compiled some strategies to help those recovering from disasters. And to reduce your stress levels and take better care of yourself, here are some of our tips to help manage the pressures you face:

Focus on what you can control, not what you can't. The people of Japan could not stop the earthquake or tsunami but they did choose to react to the disasters with teamwork and a sense of purpose. When can't influence negative circumstances of your own, you can still decide how to handle them. Let go of painful thoughts and unrealistic expectations. Keep a journal to aid in the process of releasing frustration and coping with anxiety. Clearly define your goals and aspirations. As you keep your focus on what you can do, a positive accomplishment may emerge from the negative situation. Giving a helping hand does wonders - it provides aide to those in need and makes you feel useful too.

Maintain balance in life between family, job and your own needs. Don't over commit yourself - rather, attempt to retain a normal routine. Set aside some special time for yourself to recover your equilibrium - even if you are a sandwiched boomer with a family in flux. Get enough rest and sleep to allow your body to recover from the stresses of the day. Over 40% of the APA respondents reported lacking energy and feeling fatigued on a regular basis.

Shift your attention to what is truly important. Although hundreds of thousands in Japan lost their homes and possessions, they drew together as families and friends. As you revise your priorities, recognize the value of the underpinnings of your own strength - family, friends, spiritual connection. Express gratitude for your many gifts and change the focus from yourself to those around you. Offer help to those who require it, in Japan or in your own community. You'll feel better when you do and provide essential material support to the needy.

Draw on your strengths. APA survey respondents admitted their lack of willpower to create a healthier lifestyle, but 70% still thought they could improve and make the changes they had identified. What personal strengths have you used in the past to kick-start your progress? Rely on those now as well as ones you've developed more recently. Brainstorm ways to apply these abilities in a novel way.

The recovery in Japan will not be easy or quick. As Confucius said, A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. Our hearts are with the people of Japan as they continue to take small steps forward toward personal and national healing. We can all learn from their determined attitude and courageous behavior in reaction to the tremendous crises they face.

For more tips about how you can cope with your own challenges, check back here on Wednesday. And you can receive a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching For Your Goals when you sign up for our free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones.