Tips for College Grads Boomeranging Back Home

Are your college grads getting ready to move back home?

In Monday's post, we started a list of tips for parents busy cleaning up their college seniors' rooms before heading off to graduation. If boomerang kids are about to become your new housemates, here's some practical insight you can share as they begin to look for work in this tough economy:

Rely on your instincts. Listen to the advice of those you trust. But look inside for answers and find your own voice. Don’t jump at money or do what others think you should - define success on your own terms. If you feel you’re moving in the direction of where you belong, believe in what you’re doing. Emotional discomfort can be an opportunity to grow.

Discover your passion. With our society and the job market in flux, you may have to reorder your priorities for now. Keep busy and try to make a contribution as a volunteer or mentor where you can use you talents and energy to be of service to others. You can tap into your compassion and courage to find a larger purpose.

Increase your resiliency. At times it may be difficult to maintain composure under trying circumstances. Take one day at a time. Develop strategies to manage stress and build your confidence. Call on your faith or spirituality. Step by step, you'll turn your hopes and dreams into reality.

Your recent grads may not be sure of what road they’re on or whether they should have taken it. Perhaps they’re having doubts or second thoughts: if only I had applied to law school, what if I had majored in engineering? It’s common and normal to have ambivalent emotions - the desire to hold on and to let go, excitement as well as fear about the future.

The 20s are still the defining decade of adult life and your emerging adult kids are living with an unprecedented amount of uncertainty. Let them know you have their back. Encourage them to reach deep for the resolve to face their situation squarely - in time, they can’t help but grow from their challenges and experiences.

Honoring Veterans Every Day

Just in time for Veterans Day, in an overwhelming display of bipartisanship, the U.S. Senate passed a bill providing tax credits to employers who hire unemployed veterans. In addition, Congress will be shepherding through the legislative process a "VOW to Hire Heroes Act" in expectation of early passage. President Obama also announced several administrative programs to help veterans find work and train for new careers. These jobs initiatives are particularly important since, according to data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, veterans have an overall unemployment rate of 12.1 %, several points higher than for non-veterans.

On Friday, we honored the brave men and women who have served our country in the Armed Forces, leaving their families to protect ours. But don't veterans deserve our respect every day of the year, not just on November 11th? If you want to express your gratitude, but don't have the ability to hire a veteran, there are numerous organizations providing important services to veterans as well as comfort and assistance to their families.

A government website can help you search for volunteer opportunities to help military families in your community.

Joining Forces is a national initiative that provides members of the Armed Services and their families opportunities and support.

The Semper Fi Fund provides immediate financial support for injured and critically ill members of the U.S. Armed Forces and their families.

The mission of The Wounded Warrior Project is to honor and empower wounded soldiers with a variety of programs to strengthen Mind, Body, Economic Empowerment and Engagement, including PTSD evaluation.

Fisher House gives families the chance to be close to their military loved ones who are hospitalized and provides scholarships to support programs improving the quality of life for military families.

The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) provides comfort to those who have lost a loved one in service to America.

Let's work to help these programs and services make it easier for our brave veterans to transition to civilian jobs and life at home with dignity. They deserve our appreciation and recognition every day.

Visit our blog again on Wednesday for a Virtual Book Tour with Dr. Jeffrey Rubin. He'll be answering questions about his new book, The Art of Flourishing.

Providing Respect and Comfort on Memorial Day

This Memorial Day we respectfully remember those who have fallen in service to our country, those who have served and returned, and those who are currently in harm's way in our defense. Please join as we express our gratitude to these brave young men and women who have given their lives to protect our freedoms over the years.

Many Americans will visit a veteran's cemetery this Memorial Day, including the Los Angeles National Cemetery. With thousands of identical tombstones stretching, row by row, as far as the eye can see, only Arlington is a larger veterans' burial site in America. Every year Boy Scouts place a flag by each grave, acknowledging the individual importance of each person who served the country. As I found when I visited last year, it is a place of meaning and reflection, whether you visit on Memorial Day or any other day of the year.

If you wish to honor the men and women who assume duty, there are several organizations that provide important services for our military personnel and their families. Perhaps you would like to support some of them in their important work:

Joining Forces is a national initiative that provides members of the Armed Services and their families opportunities and support. A government website can help you search for volunteer opportunities to help military families in your community.

Fisher House gives families the chance to be close to their military loved ones who are hospitalized and provides scholarships to support programs improving the quality of life for military families.

The mission of The Wounded Warrior Project is to honor and empower wounded soldiers with a variety of programs to strengthen Mind, Body, Economic Empowerment and Engagement, including PTSD evaluation.

The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors provides comfort to those who have lost a loved one in service to America.

Aimed specifically toward family members, Our Military Kids sponsors sports, arts and tutoring programs for kids of National Guard and Reserve members and Operation Showergives baby showers for military family moms-to-be.

Tips for Less Stress

In our fast paced world, Valentine's Day is already a fading memory. If you're single, that may be a relief. Although you can't control whether or not you have a romantic relationship, you can control how you manage your life. When you realize that you always have lots of choices, it's easier to take your stress level down a notch:


Photos by Salvatore Vuono


Give back some love. Do you have a relative or neighbor who could use a visit or phone call? Go outside your normal routine and get in touch with someone you've been meaning to call - it could brighten the day for both of you. Studies show that when you shift attention away from yourself to others, you actually feel better.

Volunteer your time. Nothing makes the day more special than a good deed. And the payback of altruism or giving back can help you see the situation from a much better perspective. Spending the day in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter helps those in need, increases your connections and can improver your sense of self.

Let go of bad feelings and think positive. If you continue to feel frustrated, angry or disappointed, remember that a minor change in attitude can make a big difference in how you relate to others. According to Indira Gandhi, "You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist." Try to find humor in your situation and fall back on laughter.

Focus on a relationship plan. If it's what you want, you can define objectives that will move you in that direction. Tell those you trust that you would appreciate being fixed up. Make a list of what you expect in a partner and what changes you may be willing to make. Join a singles group or a dating website. Take whatever steps you think are vital to improve your chances.

Relax and rejuvenate to relieve stress. Attend to your mind and your spirit. Practice techniques of deep breathing or your own form of meditation. And set aside quiet time to do what brings you pleasure. Nurture yourself and your body through regular exercise, good nutrition and proper rest. This sort of attitude will sustain you as well as promote greater self care.

Give yourself the priceless gift of a life less stressed. Spend some time on Her Mentor Center and read articles that are full of tips just for you. Sign the email list to the left of this post to receive a free monthly newsletter - and then download a complimentary ebook about how to reach your goals.

Mark the calendar as the first day of the rest of your life. Commit to keeping your worry in check and maintaining balance in your life. As you savor your newfound power, cast a love spell in celebration of you.

Aging vs. Growing Old: It Doesn't Depend on the Calendar

Lifetime Achievement Award winner Betty White is in the news again.

It seems she is following the advice for staying young we gave you earlier this week: cultivate humor in your daily life; hang out with your peers; find the time to interact with younger friends too.

This time, she has jumped into the fray of those making predictions about the future of NBA basketball star LeBron James.

White has joined with her adopted city of Cleveland, hoping to entice LeBron to stay with the Cavaliers for another season. As she teases him in this clip with her Hot in Cleveland costars, she can make it worth his while to stay! At 88 (and ½ as Betty proudly declares), White is the poster child for reminding us to throw away the calendar when we are talking about age.

So here are some more tips for today about aging without growing old:

Work with what you've got to stay in shape. Start slowly, perhaps walking with a friend or exercising on your own. When you're ready, look for a fitness center that has classes for all levels of physical ability - ranging from salsa hi-impact aerobics through belly dancing, stretch classes, and water aerobics to chair classes and tai chi for balance. That way you'll be able to challenge you body no matter where you're starting - and have fun in the process. And incorporating healthy habits into your daily routine will help you feel younger.

Set goals for yourself and do something meaningful. Research shows that people who are sociable, generous, and goal-oriented are generally happier and healthier than other people. Think about what kinds of activities bring you the most satisfaction and plan how you can get more involved and spend more time doing them. You may want to look for places to volunteer in your community through Senior Corps or America's Natural and Cultural Resources Volunteer Portal. Or contact your local school or community center to for opportunities to mentor or tutor children. Sharing your wisdom with others will bring a spring into your step and joy into your life.

Although studies have found that there may be a gene for long life, you don't have to worry about the calendar, even if you're a Sandwiched Boomer. Instead, enjoy your age whatever it is and follow this week's tips to feel as young as you can.

Sandwich Generation: Make it Happen

As Valentine's Day approaches, you don't have to feel down in the dumps. If you're single and a member of the Sandwich Generation, do you have an aging parent who's not feeling so well or an adult chld who's going through a rough period? Reach out and see what happens to you when you bring a smile to their face.

Give back some love. Go outside your normal routine and get in touch with a relative or neighbor you've been meaning to call or visit - it could brighten the day for both of you. Studies show that when you shift attention away from yourself to others, you actually feel better.

Volunteer your time. Nothing makes the day more special than a good deed. And the payback of altruism or giving back can help you see the situation from a much better perspective. Spending the day in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter helps those in need, increases your connections and can improver your sense of self.

Focus on a relationship plan. If it's what you want, you can define objectives that will move you in that direction. Tell those you trust that you would appreciate being fixed up. Make a list of what you expect in a partner and what changes you may be willing to make. Join a singles group or a dating website. Take whatever steps you think are vital to improve your chances.

Still need more encouragement to feel good about yourself? Clicking on the title of this post will take you to our website, HerMentorCenter.com, and an article about how to turn a crisis into a challenge.

Optimize Your Opportunities after January Blues

Not only are we into a new month and a new year, but also into a new decade. What will the '10's bring for you? Now is the time to set the tone for this time in your life.

Turn crises into challenges and challenges into opportunities. Don't become overwhelmed. Instead, use this time to research things you want to do and changes you want to make. Remember that although you can't control what happens to you, you can control how you handle it. Think about the consequences of your decisions before you make a change. If you are unhappy with your current job, consider what you can do to make it more interesting and engaging.

Express gratitude for what you have. It may sound simple, but as you've heard many times, "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have." What are the things and people in your life that you are grateful for? You'll find that when you increase your awareness of these positives, you'll be less likely to experience feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.

Look outside yourself to those in need. Studies have found that when you perform acts of kindness and giving to those who have less, you feel happier yourself. Around the holidays numerous organizations sent out requests for financial donations but all year long they need volunteers to help staff their programs. Consider what best fits your interests, abilities and schedule - then make your contribution with your feet.

To cope with financial issues, make plans that won't further impact your budget or credit card debt. In the current recession, many families are enjoying activities such as potlucks with friends, visits to local museums, taking daylight walks, borrowing a good book from the library. Make it a game to be creative in your quest for low-cost entertainment.

For some pointers on how to encourage and express gratitude, click on the post title above. It links you to our article, Five Steps to Gratitude Despite a Tough Economy, found, among others helpful to Sandwiched Boomers, on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com.

This season, with all the problems facing our country, Sandwiched Boomers may have to let go of the idea of a perfect holiday. But that's not so bad. Even though you may be stretched financially, it always feels good to be able to give of yourself. And you know there are plenty of others much worse off, right?

Volunteer at a place that could really use your help. Get the family or a group of friends together and spend a few hours at a homeless shelter. Bring some toys or warm clothes that are in good shape, and a big smile on your face.

Small changes can represent a new beginning. The holidays don't have to look like a Norman Rockwell painting. Take heart as you give a little that feels like a lot. And in these hard times, that's a good lesson for all of us.

On the 7th anniversary of terrorists' attack on our country, Democrats, Republicans and Independents join together to mourn the loss of fellow Americans that terrible day. Both nominees for President will suspend their political campaigning and appear together to honor their countrymen who were killed by terrorists seven years ago today. We too remember their loss on that dreadful day and pay homage to the courageous and heroic actions of rescue personnel who worked tirelessly to save others from dying and later to recover bodies of the dead. We are grateful and thankful for their service to our country.

Just as the other women in the limelight this election season, 54-year old Cindy McCain has combined work and volunteer activities with mothering. Receiving a Masters degree in Special Education, she taught high school students with special needs before beginning her family. The stepmother of 3 children and mother of another 4, one adopted from Mother Teresa's orphanage in Bangladesh, Cindy was an active philanthropist for charities throughout the world, most directed to children, as her own were growing. A wealthy woman, she founded the American Voluntary Medical Team to provide medical assistance and food to disaster-struck or war-torn third world countries. Traveling abroad over 50 times to oversee these humanitarian activities personally, she is now actively involved in Operation Smile and other non-profit organizations.

While her level of wealth puts her in a different category than most of us, her balancing act is familiar. Cindy McCain has jumped into her volunteer work with passion and dedication that often take her away from home. As you uncover your own passions, find a way to give yourself the freedom to carry them out. When you are satisfied that you are pursuing your own personal goals as well as those of your family, you will take more pleasure in the rites and responsibilities of motherhood. So follow your dreams - it can be a win-win situation for you and your family in this election year.

Comments about retirement were varied, from being bored and now working again to loving it - so there's not one size fits all. Whether you're beginning to play with the idea of retirement or the gold watch presentation is just around the corner, here are some tips for Sandwiched Boomers.

Approach this stage of life with humor - and don't take yourself too seriously. This is a major life change and yet a positive attitude will enhance your transition and the experiences that follow.

Be aware of your motivation. Being able to reflect and evaluate are valuable skills. Hone them, and discover what is driving you and what you want at this point in your life. Do you want to focus on volunteering, working in a different way, taking better care of your body, or spending more time with family and friends? Make choices for reasons that are right for you.

Much ado about all or nothing. Perhaps leaving your job, at this time, is not feasible for emotional or financial reasons. Look for ways to satisfy some of your unmet needs while still working. This is also good preparation for when that change does occur.

Go with the flow. Recognize and accept that any transition involves a process of change. Follow your dream yet don't automatically say no to anything. Be willing to open your heart and explore all possibilities.

Make a list but don't check it twice. We all have a myriad of wishes that have not come true because life sometimes has a way of intervening. Be patient with yourself and the situation if you have to change course. At this stage of life, anything can happen.

Now is a chance like never before. And balance can be the key to unlocking the good life. How would you create your own sense of equilibrium? Think about being involved in community service and pleasuring yourself. Plan to have a purpose and to have fun. Find ways to be productive and playful. Enjoy the magic of the seesaw.

Marlene, a school social worker, gradually realized that she had the luxury of many options. She could, in fact, retire and decide how she wanted to spend the rest of her life.

A Sandwiched Boomer, her elderly Mother had been diagnosed with dementia and needed more daily support. Her two daughters were having babies at opposite ends of the continent. She wanted to be able to spend time with them after the births and to be with the grandchildren as they grew. Her son also lived away and was embarking on a new career. All in all she intended to be more mobile and accessible to her family.

"After quitting my job of 30 years, I was often asked how I was enjoying my retirement. My reply was always: Are they talking to me, what's retirement?

Here's the reality. I spend a lot of time in airports. I stay in my pajamas until after 10:00 a.m. on many weekday mornings. I've become more active as a volunteer, involved in both urban renewal and heritage aspects of my city. I sit on a hospital board and am learning more about the healthcare system. I have become involved again in local politics and helped an old friend get elected. I've been to lunch with friends four times and knitted 1 1/2 baby sweaters.

I still have not met my husband for lunch in the middle of the week, cleaned out my drawers, put photos in albums, exercised regularly, mastered the computer or the game of bridge, read enough books, or browsed the many corners of the city that I promised myself I would.

So, where am I now? I'm still very much in the process of learning what retirement means to me."