Memorial Day and Changing Behavior

Today we in the United States remember and pay tribute to the men and women in the Armed Forces who have sacrificed their lives to protect our freedoms over the years. Other military personnel have given up healthy bodies and psyches in service to country. In their honor this Memorial Day and with respect for their unique bravery, we offer you links to organizations that provide assistance to soldiers, sailors, marines, airmen and their families. You can make a difference by supporting their work. 

 

Joining Forces is a national initiative that provides members of the Armed Services and their families opportunities and support. United We Serve can help you search for volunteer opportunities to help military families in your community. 

The mission of The Wounded Warrior Project is to honor and empower wounded soldiers with a variety of programs to strengthen Mind, Body, Economic Empowerment and Engagement, including PTSD evaluation. Fisher House gives families the chance to be close to their military loved ones who are hospitalized and provides scholarships to support programs improving the quality of life for military families. The Semper Fi Fund provides immediate financial support for injured and critically ill Marines and their families. 

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, TAPS, provides comfort 

and healing for those who have lost a loved one in service to America. 

Their motto, "Remember the Love, Celebrate the Life, Share the Journey," 

aptly reflects their mission.

As we remember today, with love and respect, the sacrifice of these men 

and women, we can also reflect on the ideals of service, courage, and 

camaraderie they embody. They can be role models that we seek to 

emulate.

But making a decision to act differently is just the first step to actually changing your behavior.  A new book we received addresses how to begin making some of these changes in your relationships, focusing on strategies that lead to greater closeness and understanding. Dr. Georgianna Donadio has written Changing Behavior: Immediately Transform Your Relationships with Easy-to-Learn, Proven Communication Skills to share some of her tips for having fulfilling, lasting relationships.             

Here's just a brief look at Dr. Donadio's answers to some of our questions about changing and improving your communication techniques: 

  

NFR: Change is never easy, especially for people who are used to behaving or communicating a certain way for years. How does your book make change achievable?

Georgianna: It makes change possible by identifying the specific needs people have in communication exchanges. These needs and the steps to create effective and fulfilling communication have been researched for over 30 years.

NFR: A central part of your Changing Behavior is the concept of Behavioral Engagement. What exactly is Behavioral Engagement?

Georgiannia: Behavioral Engagement is the name of the set of communication skills that were developed. The name describes what the skills are about – how specific behavior engages others to create positive outcomes in communication.

NFR: What are your 12 steps for more effective communication?

Georgianna: The 12 steps are extensive to describe but here are the first few steps in summary:

Enter into your communications with a focus on the person and conversation you are having in that moment and not being distracted by other thoughts, concerns or most importantly with an agenda for the conversation or exchange you are having. Many of us are sitting with another person not really listening or being present, but rather just waiting to interject our thoughts rather than take in what the other person is sharing with us.

Sit in a comfortable, relaxed position that will allow you to be open (without crossed arms and legs) and receptive. Avoiding distracting movements such as playing with your hair, your eyeglasses, jewelry you may be wearing, etc. signals to the other person that you are actually paying attention to them and listening.

Maintain soft, non-judgmental eye contact. This creates openness and also stimulates oxytocin, which is a hormone/neurotransmitter that produces feelings of trust and love.

To get more of a flavor of her book, you can download a complimentary excerpt on Dr. Donadio's website.  

Heroes in Your Family

With Memorial Day commemorated earlier this week, the summer season is now unofficially open - the barbeque is back in service at home and families are beginning their annual trips to the beach. Yet even with the shift to summer fun, there are still lessons we can take from the combat veterans we honored on Memorial Day. As we respect their unique bravery and reflect on the ideals of service, courage and camaraderie, we can apply these principles to those closest to us.

If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, stressed by the responsibilities of caring for aging parents and growing children, you may feel like there's no time to step back and take a deep breath. When you do, here are some things to keep in mind as you enrich your family relationships:

Recognize the importance of revealing the love you have for each other. Those who have been in harm's way know the meaning of the words, "it's too late." Don't put off sharing your love; decide to make it a priority. Each day, acknowledge those you love, and who love you, as if it were your last. The joy you create and receive in your close relationships can sustain you through hard times. You can find out more about the value of these positive connections on the Authentic Happiness website.

Express the gratitude you feel for what your family has given you - protection, opportunities, love, strength, enjoyment of life. You have doors open to you now because of them. This can begin with something as simple as a heartfelt "thank you," and develop into a more textured and thoughtful recognition of what you are grateful for. Begin by taking the steps to express your gratitude - it benefits both you and the loved ones you single out to thank.

Understand the value of friendship. Those in the Service have trusted and leaned on each other as they've shared their experiences and relied on their camaraderie. Know that we are here to take care of our friends and family - close and extended - difficult though it may be at times. Friendship is the gift we give ourselves and each other. It helps each of us achieve a longer, healthier, and more satisfying life.

Community support is there for the taking when you know how to ask for it. On Monday, we highlighted organizations providing support to Servicemen and -women. Be open to the reality that you too might need to utilize the input and generosity of others. You are not diminished when you allow another to help you.

To read stories of modern day heroes and how they coped with challenges in their lives, click on the email list box to the left. You can sign up there for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned, which showcases tips and strategies to use in your own family.

Providing Respect and Comfort on Memorial Day

This Memorial Day we respectfully remember those who have fallen in service to our country, those who have served and returned, and those who are currently in harm's way in our defense. Please join as we express our gratitude to these brave young men and women who have given their lives to protect our freedoms over the years.

Many Americans will visit a veteran's cemetery this Memorial Day, including the Los Angeles National Cemetery. With thousands of identical tombstones stretching, row by row, as far as the eye can see, only Arlington is a larger veterans' burial site in America. Every year Boy Scouts place a flag by each grave, acknowledging the individual importance of each person who served the country. As I found when I visited last year, it is a place of meaning and reflection, whether you visit on Memorial Day or any other day of the year.

If you wish to honor the men and women who assume duty, there are several organizations that provide important services for our military personnel and their families. Perhaps you would like to support some of them in their important work:

Joining Forces is a national initiative that provides members of the Armed Services and their families opportunities and support. A government website can help you search for volunteer opportunities to help military families in your community.

Fisher House gives families the chance to be close to their military loved ones who are hospitalized and provides scholarships to support programs improving the quality of life for military families.

The mission of The Wounded Warrior Project is to honor and empower wounded soldiers with a variety of programs to strengthen Mind, Body, Economic Empowerment and Engagement, including PTSD evaluation.

The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors provides comfort to those who have lost a loved one in service to America.

Aimed specifically toward family members, Our Military Kids sponsors sports, arts and tutoring programs for kids of National Guard and Reserve members and Operation Showergives baby showers for military family moms-to-be.

Resiliency in Difficult Times

Do you feel inundated by bad news coming at you from all sides? The oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is spreading and the gushing thousands of feet below the surface has yet to be fully contained; new unemployment figures in the U.S. confirm the dismal private sector job creation that continues to lag; international conflicts rage and at home citizens are divided about immigrants' rights. World news reflects the tensions you may be feeling in your own relationships. How do you deal with the challenges coming from the rich but often problematic complexity of your family life? Here are some tips for you:

Draw upon your own strength. You will learn more about your capabilities when you are tested by hard times than when everything is going well for you. Resiliency is increased each time you get up and put one foot in front of the other. Bravery comes in many actions - facing an illness, providing for your family, starting a new career - not only on the battlefield. To learn more about identifying your Character Strengths, visit the Authentic Happpiness website and take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths. Use the ones that seem to define you - Signature Strengths - to support your progress through tough times.

Just as those in the foxholes feel the honest emotions of fear, anger, pain, guilt, anxiety and loneliness, allow yourself to experience these emotions when they are a part of your life.

Especially if you are a Sandwiched Boomer, it's easy to become overwhelmed by all you have on your plate. Torn between caring for your growing children and aging parents, it's normal to feel stressed and anxious at times. Don't blame yourself. Once you are able to acknowledge these feelings, then you can begin the long process of coping with them.

If you remember the fragility and transience of life as you move through it, you will savor each good moment you have. Integrate and reflect on all you have achieved in balancing your work and family with your own needs. Living your life to the fullest is a lasting mark of respect you can pay to your family and to the veterans you honored this week who have sacrificed the innocence of their youth for you.

For some role models of courage, look to the left of this post. When you sign up for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, you will receive a link to a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned. There you'll find stories of resiliency and practical strategies for success in difficult times.

Connect with Your Family This Summer

Now that Memorial Day is past and school will soon be over, have you thought about how to use those extra summer hours to connect with your family?

With the summer season now unofficially open and the barbeque back in service, can we still learn from the heroes we honored on Memorial Day who have served and given their all to protect our way of life? As we respect their unique bravery, we can direct their lessons to our own family situation and apply the same principles to those closest to us.

Express the gratitude you feel for what they have given you - protection, opportunities, love, strength, enjoyment of life. You have doors open to you now because of them. This can begin with something as simple as a heartfelt "thank you," and develop into a more textured and thoughtful recognition of what you are thankful for. Find out more about the benefits of expressing gratitude through the Authentic Happiness website

Recognize the importance of revealing the love you have for each other. Those who have been in harm's way know the meaning of the words, "it's too late." Don't put off sharing your love; decide to make it a priority. Each day, acknowledge those you love, and who love you, as if it were your last.

Understand the value of friendship. Those in the service have trusted and leaned on each other as they've shared their experiences and relied on their camaraderie. Know that we are here to take care of our friends and family - close and extended - difficult though it may be at times.

Community support is there for the taking when you know where to look and how to ask for it. Be open to the reality that you might need to utilize the input and generosity of others. You are not diminished when you allow another to help you.

Are you looking for some ideas about how to connect and have a special family vacation this summer? Even Sandwiched Boomers can relax and enjoy time with extended family if you plan ahead. This summer, create memories to carry you and your family through the rest of the year. And log in to share your ideas about family togetherness.

To read stories of modern day heroes and how they coped with challenges in their lives, click on the link to the left. You can sign up for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned, which showcases tips and strategies to use in your own family.

Memorial Day and the Value of Family

Memorial Day gives us all an opportunity to pay tribute to those in the Armed Service who have sacrificed their lives to protect our freedoms over the years.

Visiting a military cemetery on Memorial Day and witnessing all of the flags marking the graves, families of the fallen are there in record numbers to remember their relatives. A non-profit organization, TAPS, Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, was founded by Bonnie Carroll after the death of her husband in 1992, to provide comfort for those who have lost a loved one in service to America.

TAPS has been there with programs and services for over 25,000 survivors since then. Their motto, "Remember the Love, Celebrate the Life, Share the Journey," aptly reflects their mission. Relatives are helped to gradually heal with the assistance of the TAPS program

You can visit the TAPS website for more information about how to make a difference by supporting their work.

As we remember with love and respect the sacrifice of these men and women, we can also reflect on the ideals of service, courage, and camaraderie as they apply to our own families.

After paying tribute to the men and women of the Armed Services on Memorial Day, make a commitment to honor your own family today. Express your gratitude for all that family provides for you. You will find that, as a part of the Sandwich Generation or not, it makes your time with each member more meaningful and relevant.

Honoring Our Fallen Soldiers on Memorial Day

We respectfully remember today those who have fallen in service to our country, those who have served and returned, and those who are currently in harm's way in our defense. Please join as we express our gratitude to these brave young men and women.

To read about how observances of Memorial Day and Veterans Day can positively impact you and your family relationships, please click on the title above.

Families Together

Another mother-in-law has contacted us about her experiences with her children-in-law. Susan Lieberman has written a book about the process of improving relationships with sons- and daughters-in-law. We plan to host her on our blog in the future so stay tuned.

With Memorial Day coming on Monday, we salute those families who have a loved one serving in the Armed Forces and honor with respect those who have lost a family member in service to our country. Please join with us in celebrating the lives of these brave men and women.

Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day in reference to placing flags on the graves of the fallen, has been observed since 1868 when it commemorated those who gave their lives in the Civil War. It has been a national holiday in the United States since 1971. Like Veterans' Day, it reminds us of the meaning of life and the value of family.

To read more about how a tribute to the sacrifice of veterans can guide us in our daily lives with loved ones, click on the title above to take you to an article on our website.