Feeling Stressed? So are the Kids

Raising children has never been easy for Sandwiched Boomers, but do you think it's even harder today? Parents have always had to deal with providing for their offspring - food, clothing and shelter as well as a supportive and loving environment where the kids could grow into their full potential. Today, in addition, mom and dad are faced with handling the stresses of an unstable economy and volatile social situations. And the worries we feel are felt by our youngsters as well.

A recent study conducted by Harris Interactive and reported by the American Psychological Association found that 75% of American adults are experiencing moderate to high levels of stress. And, for the first time including youth between the ages of 8 and 17 in the survey, APA found that these preteens and teenagers are worrying too - and in greater numbers than their parents estimate. The survey found that children are experiencing their greatest worries about school and about their family's finances.

So what can you do to help the situation for your kids? Don't try to hide your concerns from them. You can't. They pick up signals from you even when you think you are shielding them from your stresses. Instead, keep the lines of communication open. Talk with them about their worries and let them know how you are handling you own ones. The more you are able to discuss the strains affecting all of you, the better you can all begin to cope with them. As you shift the focus to what you can do to address the pressures, your children may be comforted by recognizing that they have an ally - you are working together as a family to decrease the tensions you face. You may not be able to eliminate the anxiety everyone is experiencing, but you can make a first pass at reducing it.

For some tips about coping with the stresses you may be feeling in our uncertain economy, click on the title above. You can read about weathering economic challenges together at oue www.HerMentorCenter.com article, Five Ways Sandwiched Boomers Can Think Positive in Tough Times.

Enjoying Your Boomerang Kids

When your adult child boomerangs back home, it can be a win-win situation for all of you, rather than a cause for alarm. If you follow our tips, your new arrangement opens up the opportunity to see each other through fresh eyes. You can let go of the old hurts and old memories of conflicts between you. Experience first hand how your offspring have matured and let them see you as more than just parents.



One mother recounted how the richness of her relationship with her son and daughter-in-law developed and grew during the year the kids moved in with her and her husband. "We all agreed we wouldn't make any assumptions about spending more time together. They didn't want to be asked if they were coming home for dinner and I didn't want to include them in my dinner preparations every night. With their work schedule and ours being so different, we often didn't see each other for days. But when we did, it was delightful to be with them. On weekends, my daughter-in-law likes to cook and sometimes we hung out together in the kitchen - one day we baked and iced dozens of cupcakes, just for fun. And my son even kissed me good-bye when he left for work, if I was around. Now that they are back on their own, I miss those days of camaraderie. During the year, I learned to treat them as the adults they had become and they learned to look at me as a real person, not just a mother. It was a great experience for all of us."

How about you? What have been your experiences when a child boomerangs back, either alone or with his/her family? What did you do to make the situation work better for everyone?

What other challenges have you been dealing with? Click on the title of the post to take you to an interactive site on HerMentorCenter.com, "About You." Here you can express yourself about concerns you may have at this time of life transitions and what coping skills are most helpful to you in dealing with them.

Refreshing the Relationship with Your Boomerang Kids

Robert Frost wasn't thinking about boomerang kids when he wrote in his 1915 poem, Death of the Hired Man, "Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in." But he sure might have been.

In this economy, adult children are moving back home in record numbers - for many different reasons. Some are doing frugal planning ahead of the curve. They want to put aside money to buy a house or other large purchase and arrange to put the money they save on rent into a special account. With unemployment hovering around 10% in many areas, others may find that they need to move back home after a job loss. Still other adult children have faced the credit crunch, foreclosure and loss of their own home, causing them to move back to their family home because they have no other place to live. Some young adults are forced to declare bankruptcy and move back home until they can get a handle on their finances and build up credit again.



While the reasons for moving back home may be different, the means of making the situation work for everyone are variations on the same themes - familiar ones to Sandwiched Boomers. And what are those themes? The recognition of change and the need for respect for the rights and autonomy of everyone involved.

After spending years without the day-to-day responsibilities of mothering, you probably don't want to pick up your old role where you left it. And your adult children likely do not want to be mothered in a childish way - they would be smothered by it. So you can each begin the process of refreshing your relationship with the understanding that things will not be as they were in years past. Everyone is free to change and be creative with fresh eyes and design a new relationship, recognizing you can enjoy the maturity that each of you has gained.

When you make respect your mantra, you all have the opportunity to take each other's opinions and needs into consideration. It's not always easy. The social values of young and older adults may be vastly different. In fact, The Pew Research Center recently reported their findings that the generation gap in the United States is the biggest it has been in the past 40 years. To help you get started with your new perspective, tomorrow you'll find specific techniques to implement with your boomerang offspring as you set the stage for rich and rewarding relationships with them.

And click on the title above for more tips on how to help your boomerang children regain their independence. You'll find helpful advice on HerMentorCenter.com, in our article, "How to Launch Your Boomerang Kidult."

Boomers and Stress

Best selling author Ann Coulter is hitting the airwaves, talking about her new controversial book, "Guilty." On the Today show this morning, she told Matt Lauer that most of society's problems are a result of children being raised by single mothers. Although her attitude was abrasive and divisive, she does have a point.

The breakdown of the family is a serious problem and, in these tough economic times, the divorce rate is on the rise. Here are some tips to share with friends and family under stress and struggling in their marriages:

Give your relationship the gift of time. Create moments of calm and pleasure in celebration of your relationship. Feel more treasured as you watch the dividends of your emotional investment grow.

Invite your partner to set aside an afternoon to spend together. Plan an activity that you'll enjoy: rent a bicycle built for two, leave work early and meet at a museum, enjoy a picnic lunch at the park. Take a long cut. Stretch out the event itself and make it last.

Create a romantic and intimate evening at home. This has likely been on your 'to do' list for a long time, so here's your chance to make it happen, time and again. Turn on soft music, build a fire, light the candles. Cook a gourmet dinner together and share that bottle of wine you've been saving for a special occasion.

The pressure on relationships can come from a variety of sources. Click on the title above and read an article about what to look out for. And share this post with others who are important to you.

Sandwiched Boomers, what are you dreaming about this holiday season - universal goals like sustaining our planet's resources and gaining energy independence? Or, with the stock market meltdown, are you wishing for some relief from the financial pain? Even in the best of times, the stress that comes with the holidays this time of year can be exhausting. So why not give a gift to yourself?

Take some down time over the weekend. For a couple of hours each day, try not to focus on the problems. Curl up with a great book from the library, watch the ballgame with your teenagers, take your grandkids to the park.

Enjoy peace of mind by paying down your debts. Hold back from buying a lot of gifts or taking the family on an expensive outing. With your children, decide together how to spend a fun and relaxing day. Your family will understand and grow from the experience.

As the week draws to a close, Sandwiched Boomers continue to worry about the nation’s economic health and are anxious about their financial future. We hope that the following ideas will be helpful:

Recognize how you deal with stress related to money. Some people are more likely to relieve stress by turning to unhealthy activities like smoking, drinking, gambling or emotional eating. The strain can also lead to more conflict and arguments in relationships. If any of these behaviors are causing problems in your family, seek help from a professional for healthier ways to deal with your stress.

Times like this, while difficult, can offer opportunities for growth and needed changes. Try taking a walk—it’s an inexpensive way to get good exercise. Having dinner at home with your family may not only save you money, but help bring you closer together. Consider learning a new skill. Take a course through your employer or look into low-cost resources in your community that can lead to a better job. The key is to use this time to think outside the box and try new ways of managing your life.

Embrace simplicity and appreciate what you have. Enjoy your family and colleagues. Step outside on a cloudless night and look at the beautiful sky. Eat sandwiches on a park bench with a co-worker as you visit during lunch hour. Volunteer at a local homeless shelter or a boys and girls club.

Unrealistic expectations about things and people lead to disappointment. Built-in obsolescence makes you a slave to the latest style and the next upgrade. It never ends, and leaves you dissatisfied with what you have. In some situations try not to expect so much, and whatever comes your way will be a blessing.