Enjoying Your Boomerang Kids

When your adult child boomerangs back home, it can be a win-win situation for all of you, rather than a cause for alarm. If you follow our tips, your new arrangement opens up the opportunity to see each other through fresh eyes. You can let go of the old hurts and old memories of conflicts between you. Experience first hand how your offspring have matured and let them see you as more than just parents.



One mother recounted how the richness of her relationship with her son and daughter-in-law developed and grew during the year the kids moved in with her and her husband. "We all agreed we wouldn't make any assumptions about spending more time together. They didn't want to be asked if they were coming home for dinner and I didn't want to include them in my dinner preparations every night. With their work schedule and ours being so different, we often didn't see each other for days. But when we did, it was delightful to be with them. On weekends, my daughter-in-law likes to cook and sometimes we hung out together in the kitchen - one day we baked and iced dozens of cupcakes, just for fun. And my son even kissed me good-bye when he left for work, if I was around. Now that they are back on their own, I miss those days of camaraderie. During the year, I learned to treat them as the adults they had become and they learned to look at me as a real person, not just a mother. It was a great experience for all of us."

How about you? What have been your experiences when a child boomerangs back, either alone or with his/her family? What did you do to make the situation work better for everyone?

What other challenges have you been dealing with? Click on the title of the post to take you to an interactive site on HerMentorCenter.com, "About You." Here you can express yourself about concerns you may have at this time of life transitions and what coping skills are most helpful to you in dealing with them.

Communicating with Your Boomerang Kids

Once it looks like you are going to have an adult child move back home, planning with you family in flux is the name of the game. After all, you don't want to duck or get hit in the head when a boomerang flies back toward you. Use these tips to help you get started.



Have a family meeting where all of you can be open about your needs and expectations. Listen to what your offspring, and their partners who may be moving in too, say about what is essential to them. Express your own set of values and what you require to make the change work for you. You can set the tone for the meeting by agreeing to create a list of your family C. C. & R.'s.

Boomerang C.C.& R.'s. These are not the tedious covenants, conditions and restrictions that comprise the C.C. & R.'s of homeowner associations but rather the guidelines that will help you structure a compatible framework for living together in your household.

Just as in real estate the most important characteristic of a property is location, location, location, for a boomerang family, the first "C" is communication, communication, communication. Make it a must to keep the lines of discussion open between you as you work through the issues that come up.

Cooperation is the second "C," as you remember to come from a place of love. You are more than just a landlord - you are a parent who shares with your children their desire to succeed. And your children are more than just tenants - they have grown up with you as their role models. And don't forget other "C's" as you decide on the specific "rules and regulations" of your new relationship - courtesy, consideration, competence.

The "R" is respect - as we know from Aretha Franklin, that's spelled R-E-S-P-E-C-T and it's needed on both sides of the generation gap. Discussing the boundaries you each want to set ahead of time, and making sure to adhere to them, will avoid hot button issues from developing later.

Have a Plan B to use when you are readjusting after your initial arrangement does not work out exactly as planned. As a Sandwiched Boomer, you know the importance of being flexible. Few plans can be put into place exactly as we expect. Both you and your boomerang need to accept that nothing is set in stone and your changing relationship is a work in progress.

To find more tips to help with sensitive communications with your boomerang kids, click on the post title above. It will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and our article, "How Politics Can Teach the Sandwich Generation a Lesson in Communication."