Family Relationships

Join other women in the sandwich generation - share ideas and solutions as you learn to nourish family relationships without starving yourself.

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Women Athletes at the London Olympics


With the Olympics being held in London this summer, we are reminded of how far we've come since the Duke of Wellington was said to have determined, "The battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton," referring to the discipline and strength men acquired playing sports as youths. Today young female athletes in the United States make use of the Title IX provisions to create a winning future for themselves as well.

Women competing in the Games this year illustrate many of the character strengths identified in Positive Psychology. We looked at four shown by some of the medal winners on Monday. Here are four more you can emulate in your own life.

Gratitude. With her wins in London, Serena Williams is now only the second woman in history to complete the "Golden Slam," taking the Olympic singles gold medal as well as winning at Wimbledon, the U.S. Open, Australian Open and French Open. Yet Serena isn't taking all the credit herself. She has expressed her gratitude for the education she received, thanks to the support of her family. Not an amateur and wanting to give back, Serena has been generous with her winnings, supporting many educational projects in America, and funding a school in Africa as well as mentoring other aspiring athletes. You'll find that when you too express gratitude your mood improves, you feel better about yourself and more connected to the world around you.

Perspective. Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings have been playing together for nearly 12 years - and winning games of beach volleyball most of that time. They won gold medals in 2004 and, after both married, repeated in 2008, the only women's team to have accomplished that feat. But after Kerri took out time to have two children, some wondered if the team could still play on top of their game. Yet, with the perspective they've gained and the balance in their lives, they are galvanized. Playing again with more consistency, they will be vying for the championship, guaranteed either a gold or silver. When you are faced with difficult situations and important questions in your own life, consider what you have learned from your past experiences and trust yourself to make the right decisions today.

Resilience. Kayla Harrison won the gold medal in judo, a first for any American, after almost giving up the sport – and even contemplating suicide - several years earlier due to sexual abuse by her coach. But after therapy and starting again with a new coach, she regained her love of the sport and her self-confidence. After winning, she said, "I want to help kids overcome being victims…Never give up on your dreams…Things have happened. But I didn't give up." When you are dealing with a trauma or are frustrated by a setback, put all your energies into recovering from that challenge, think about what you can still control and work toward achieving your new Plan B goal.

Teamwork. Kami Craig, who played on the national championship USC women's water polo team, and Courtney Mathewson, who was on arch-rival UCLA's national championship women's water polo team, have put their competition behind them and are now working together as friends on the same Olympic team USA to defeat their opponents. Even their coach, after causing a penalty due to an error in calling for a time-out, relied on the team spirit to keep the focus, "This is a team game. When the coach makes mistakes, you need your team to pick you up. And the team picked me up today." Their teamwork has assured them all a place on the medal stand as they play in the final game later this week for the gold. Your team may consist of family, friends or co-workers but it is the dedication to the common good of that group that sets the tone for everyone's improved input.

Enjoy the rest of the London events this week, following the leadership provided by the women and men of Olympic teams from all over the world. Then choose a role model for yourself and let your own games begin!

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Monday, August 06, 2012

Women Olympians as Role Models


Since Title IX guaranteed equal funding for girls' sports programs 40 years ago, we've seen the results in school, in the workplace and in women's self-confidence. Studies have shown that girls who play sports in high school are more likely to to do better in science classes, complete college, avoid substance abuse and join the workforce. And the more time they spend participating in team sports, the higher their self-esteem.

Naturally, there has also been an effect on the playing fields. Now, for the first time in the history of the Olympic Games, there are more women than men on the United States team in London. And we can look to these women as role models for the positive traits we want to emulate. The strengths they gain from years of hard work and dedication to their sport are more than just physical. They also represent many of the character virtues identified by Positive Psychology researchers Chris Peterson and Marty Seligman. 

All this week we'll be looking at some examples of these and other strengths personified by the athletes. Consider how to integrate them into your own daily life.

Vitality. Gabby Douglas, dubbed the flying squirrel due to the actual height she achieves as well as the high level of energy she exudes in her routines, won the gold medal in women's all-around gymnastics as well as in team all-around. Her enthusiasm is contagious and she engages everyone around her with her electrifying smile. With her passion to fulfill her potential, she left home to train under a new coach and live with a "second family." Her heart is big enough to include them all in her zest for life – and for gymnastics. Search for what energizes you and go for it all the way. You'll feel more alive than ever.

Friendship. The "Fierce Five" USA gymnasts are a close-knit group, supporting each other through the Games – even when they are competing against one aother. Jordyn Wieber, who had been best in world in all-around didn't make the cut for the Olympics all-around, yet congratulated teammates Aly Raisman and Gabby Douglas who did. McKayla Maroney and Kyla Ross have been friends since they were 8 and both took gymnastics at the same gym. When they all worked together as a team, they drew strength from their friendship with each other and won the gold medal in team gymnastics. You may not be reaching for the gold yourself, but the commitment you and your own friends make to each other nurtures each of you and creates emotional bonds that provide the foundation for a fulfilling life.

Persistence. Dana Vollmer didn't even make the Olympic women's swimming team four years ago. But she persevered and worked harder than ever to make the team this year. All her practice paid off when she broke the world record, winning gold medals at the London Games in butterfly as well a gold in women's medley relay, with Missy Franklin, Allison Schmitt and Rebecca Soni. When you are discouraged and tempted to give up working toward your own goal, believe in yourself and find the strength to hang in there.  

Loyalty. Missy Franklin has been approached time and again to make endorsements but has turned them all down so could remain an amateur and swim for her high school and future college teams. With her bubbly personality, Missy enjoys her friends in school and is devoted to them, to her family and to her hometown coach. Winning 4 gold medals in backstroke and women's team relay and a bronze in another team relay, she is looking forward to getting back home and hanging out with her friends. Your own sense of responsibility for your community and the value you place on generativity and giving back will help you remain true to your ideals.

As you continue to watch the coverage of the London Games this week, enjoy the spectacle of sport but also reflect on the strength of purpose and commitment that the athletes – female and male – have developed over the years. A nice Olympic ideal for all of us to follow.

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Sandwiched Boomer, Nurture Yourself

These are tough times, especially if you're a card carrying member of the sandwich generation. If you're facing the challenges of parents growing older and kids growing up, don't forget to nurture you. Because if you're run down, who will care for your family? For a moment, enjoy this photo of the sunset on a Costa Rican beach. And tonight, take the time to relax and appreciate the sunset right outside your door.

Whether you're hit in the face with a crisis, adjusting to changes in your identity or making a slow transition into the next chapter of your life, expect a cascade of feelings - anxiety, the desire to hold on, resentment, sadness, fear, eventually a sense of freedom. The emotional roller coaster is normal. But if you find the courage, you can't help but grow from the challenges.

Past is prologue. How can you prepare for what lies ahead? As you look back, how have you dealt with major changes in your family life before? Think about what has worked in the past. Take the specific strategies that you learned from those experiences and, once again, apply the most effective ones to the challenges you are facing today. A positive attitude will motivate you to stay on track and ultimately reach your goals.

Find something to believe in. Is it strong faith, a spiritual path or confidence in yourself? Look at the ways you can continue to build on your internal and external assets. Evaluate your character strengths and how they have benefited you in other circumstances. Are you fiercely curious and determined to find a solution, no matter what? Discover the resources, such as caregiver programs or support groups, which will help you make decisions as you deal with the specifics of the family problems you are handling.

Recognize the importance of support. When you are facing what may be a difficult time, find a role model who encourages you. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Talking with others can clarify your needs as you work through these changes. Getting an objective opinion from a family therapist or life coach will provide you with further insight and direction.

Take a step back and you'll see the situation from a different perspective. And listening to your inner voice can help you focus on what's important as you integrate your values into how you live your life.

Sign the email list to the left of this post and receive a free monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones," full of practical tips to help you deal with your family in flux. You can also download a complimentary ebook about reaching for your goals.

Labels: , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

A Sandwiched Boomer himself, Tim Russert cared deeply about his aging father, Big Russ, and was dedicated to his son, Luke, and wife while maintaining a high-powered career. What lessons can you take from the way he lived his life?

Tim Russert was a man of strong faith and felt confident about himself. Look at the many ways you can continue to build on your internal and external assets. Evaluate your basic character strengths and how they have benefited you in other circumstances. Are you fiercely curious and determined to find a solution, no matter what? Discover the resources, such as caregiver programs or support groups, that will help in your decision making process as you deal with the specifics of the family challenges you are facing.

He was a role model extraordinaire - so many in the media gave testimony to how he was their cheerleader and shaped their careers. Co-workers felt close to him, identified with him and his values. He was authentic, nurturing and encouraging. When you are facing what may be a difficult time for your own family, do you also recognize the importance of support? Discussions with friends and family can clarify your needs as you work through this process of change. Getting a second and objective opinion - from a family therapist, gerontologist or life coach - will provide you with further insight, direction and encouragement.

Labels: , , , ,

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

John McCain is the Republican frontrunner in New Hampshire. Only last month, when his campaign manager quit and his funds were low, it looked as if his race was over. But just like his tenacity served him while imprisoned during the Vietnam war, it has defined him in this political marathon. Reflect on his example.

As a Sandwiched Boomer, access and rely on your own strength. Dig deep and find your inner voice – listen to what it has to say about caring for your family relationships and nurturing yourself personally. Set some specific goals about what you need from your family and for you. Step by step, work toward achieving them.

Labels: , , , ,