Juicy Tomatoes, Women 50 and Beyond

Good morning Sandwiched Boomers! Today we are delighted to welcome Susan Swartz to our Virtual Book Tour. A talented journalist, author, public radio commentator and blogger, she has written two books about women 50 and beyond. She's here to talk about her 'Juicy Tomatoes' books so lets get started, Susan.



Nourishing Relationships: First off, who or what is a Juicy Tomato?

Susan Swartz: It’s a term I came up with for mature middle aged women to counter those over-the-hill stodgy predictable stereotypes. Juicy Tomatoes are ripe, still on the vine, a little sun-damaged but not ready for the compost bin, if you get my metaphors. Juicy to me means succulent in mind, body and spirit. Also juicy in terms of still having the juice, that is power and ability.

NR: Why did you write your book?

SS: When I waded into my 50s, which was more than a decade ago, I didn’t like the images of middle aged and older women that came up in commercials, novels, movies and the culture in general. Those images, of tired, grumpy, regretful women didn’t match the energy and intellect of women I knew. So I used my journalistic skills to seek out real women in their 50s and 60s and asked them what they liked and didn’t like about getting older. We talked about everything from face-lifts and faith to how contra dancing can cure the empty nest syndrome. The idea was to encourage women to not get stuck but push on and enjoy these years. And to set a better example for those little hard green tomatoes, including my three daughters.

NR: So getting older is all wonderful and rosy?

SS: No, you lose parents and friends get sick and your doctor wants you to have a colonoscopy and there are weird skin things growing on your body. And you worry that you never saved for retirement and your company is downsizing and the younger staffers are nudging you towards the fire escape. But, if you’re lucky you’ve got a husband who likes to dance and friends to grab for girly-girl overnights. And maybe you’ll finally learn to kayak or write a sonnet.

NR: Who are the women in your book and how did you find them?

SS: As a long time newspaper columnist and reporter I already knew a number of women who dazzled me with their attitude and energy including business leaders, artists, folk singers, ex-pats, a house builder, inn keeper, ski instructor. Then I tapped friends and newspaper colleagues around the country for more juicy women.

NR: What did you learn from your Tomatoes?

SS: That truth-talking girlfriends are essential. That creativity lasts. That confidence is sexy. And from a yoga teacher – you are as young as your spine.

NR: What is the difference between your first and second Juicy Tomatoes book?

SS: In the first book Juicy Tomatoes: Plain Truths, Dumb Lies and Sisterly Advice After 50 I explore the stereotypes of aging, where they come from and why there's more to us than over-the-hill black balloon birthdays and saggy breast jokes. Still, there's a lot of frank talk about menopause and some of the visible changes that we experience. As one woman said: "I showed a picture of me with my first husband to my current husband and he looked at me and said, 'Who's that?'"

The second book The Juicy Tomatoes Guide to Ripe Living After 50 is more of a girlfriend guide. Women discuss cosmetic surgery decisions, taking care of our bones, how not to be an old poop. One hint: Walk as if you're wearing high heels even if they're sneakers. Sexy women wear heels, if only in their minds.

NR: What is your next project?

SS: I’m fooling around with a kind of memoir about what happens to my generation of women when we leave our life-long profession but don’t really retire. I tentatively call it Life After Newspapers.

We appreciate your candor and insight, Susan. For more information about Susan, her books, podcasts or articles about health and fitness, click here.

Now, readers, it's your turn. Susan is available all day to answer questions - just click on 'comments' at the bottom of this post and follow the prompts. And thanks for stopping by!

A Woman's Guide to Great Sex after 50

Vibrant Nation is an online community where women over 50 share information about subjects that interest them through blog posts and conversations. Whether you're concerned about yourself, your relationship or family, work or wellness, you're bound to gain clarity.

The website has recently launched a health and beauty blog and a library with publications from experts. One of the experts is Dr Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology at the University of Washington. She has appeared on television programs like The Oprah Winfrey Show and lectures on topics such as sexuality, women's issues and male/female communication. Dr. Schwartz has collaborated with Vibrant Nation and written an ebook, A Woman’s Guide to Great Sex After 50: Getting Your Mind, Body and Relationship Ready for Pleasure. Vibrant Nation provided us with this ebook and I want to tell you a little about it.

Right off the bat, Dr. Schwartz normalizes the decrease in libido that can occur with menopause and diminishing hormones. She explains the potential effects of infidelity and erectile dysfunction. And how changes in physical health and an increase in stress level can impact your sexual relationship.

Dr. Schwartz's sense of humor and her use of other women's stories make this sometimes touchy subject very accessible. She lets us know there's a high degree of satisfaction among couples who remain sexually active and how important it is to "use it or lose it."

The technical material on sexual frequency and satisfaction is concise and her recommendations are practical. For more regular orgasms, she suggests strengthening vaginal muscles, letting go of old scripts, listening to your body instead of the rules and talking openly with your partner about what you need. As women have fewer erotic fantasies, Dr. Schwartz advises masturbation as a means to greater desire and a more intense sex life. She recommends sex toys and different types of vibrators as well as the websites where you can order them, some of which have psychiatry and ob/gyn physicians available for consultation.

If you're interested in purchasing Dr. Schwartz's ebook from Vibrant Nation, you can find more information on this link to their site. And when you join Vibrant Nation, you can also receive their free report, Top 5 Treatments for Vaginal Dryness and Dyspareunia (Sexual Intercourse Pain). It's full of helpful information about improving your sexual health and increasing your enjoyment of physical intimacy, even after menopause.

You can read these articles about relationships on our website, HerMentorCenter.com, if you're interested in how remaining faithful or re-examining your relationship can impact your sexual wellbeing. Here's an AARP survey about sex in the 50s. And for more insight about sexual health, read myths about sex after 50 and secrets to great sex after 50.

Log on Wednesday - we'll be sharing practical tips on how to celebrate the holidays with the gift of time.

Information to Help You Enjoy this Time of Life

Here at Nourishing Relationships, we've developed a rapport with Vibrant Nation, an online community devoted to serving the needs of women over 50 by offering tips as well as the chance to join in conversations about work, relationships, wellness, books, and more. Just as we encourage you to do here at Nourishing Relationships, at VibrantNation.com you can connect with other women at your stage of life and discuss the issues you are passionate about.

One issue that may affect you, as it does many women over 50, is menopause and the symptoms it brings. Vibrant Nation has addressed this issue head on by joining with Dr. Holly Thacker, a physician and Director of the Center for Specialized Women's Health at the world renowned Cleveland Clinic, to publish an ebook dealing with menopause, Recognizing and Treating Menopause Symptoms: A 50+ woman’s guide to managing hot flashes, weight gain, mood swings, depression, vaginal dryness, night sweats and other menopause symptoms

I've read the ebook, provided to us by Vibrant Nation, and found it to be a comprehensive guide to menopause, written in a conversational, easy to understand manner. As well as discussing the physical symptoms of menopause, Dr. Thacker clearly talks about treatments for the accompanying experiences - hot flashes, mood swings, insomnia, irritability, stress, memory loss, weight gain, hair loss, brain fog - that plague many women. She also tackles all the conflicting information from the media about hormone therapy and explains how you can sift through the data and make your own decisions. Recognizing that each woman is unique in her reactions to menopause, Dr. Thacker's ebook directs you how to find solutions that work for you.

Dr. Thacker has been credentialed as a health expert by NAMS, the North American Menopause Society. Founded over 20 years ago, NAMS is North America's leading nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting the health and quality of life of women through an understanding of menopause.

If you're interested in purchasing Dr. Thacker's ebook from Vibrant Nation, you can find more information on this link to their site: Recognizing and Treating Menopause Symptoms: A 50+ woman’s guide to managing hot flashes, weight gain, mood swings, depression, vaginal dryness, night sweats and other menopause symptoms

When you join Vibrant Nation, you can also receive their free report, Top 5 Treatments for Vaginal Dryness and Dyspareunia (Sexual Intercourse Pain) It's full of helpful information about improving your sexual health and increasing your enjoyment of physical intimacy, even after menopause.

For more insight about treating the symptoms of menopause, you can read one of our Stepping Stone's newsletters Navigating Through Menopause, on HerMentorCenter.com and give us your feedback about how they worked for you.

See you back here on Wednesday, December 15, when we'll be hosting a Virtual Book Tour with Barbara Briggs Ward. She'll be answering questions about her new novel, The Reindeer Keeper, which has arrived just in time for the holidays.

Coping with Menopausal Symptoms

You've likely tried many techniques to deal with the annoying symptoms of perimenopause. Here are some that many Sandwiched Boomers find work for them. Try them, if you haven't already, and see if they work for you.

If hot flashes and night sweats plague you, join the gang. You can: dress in layers, have a personal fan handy to use whenever you need, sleep in a cool room at night, avoid alcohol, spicy foods and others that trigger a hot flash.

Many women in perimenopause just can't get a good night's sleep. If you have a hard time falling asleep or getting back to sleep when your body awakens you, try to create a comfortable bedtime routine and save your bed for intimacy and sleep. It may also help to move your physical exercise to earlier in the day.

Do you find yourself gaining weight - and in all the wrong places? Here the tips are the same ones you've heard all your life: start an eating program that you can maintain, drink lots of water - especially a half-hour before your next meal - find healthful food substitutes. Begin to keep a food diary, noting what, when and where you eat and what you were thinking and feeling at the time. This will help you determine your negative triggers so you can plan to avoid them. Resist buying sweets - if you don't have them handy, you won't have the temptation to grab a quick fix.

Even if you've been the queen of multitasking before you may notice that now you just can't concentrate and focus as well. If so, you may want to simplify your environment and concentrate on only one thing at a time. Make a list of things you want to do and prioritize them. Schedule extra time to go over new information so that you can incorporate it. Identify your greatest stressors and work on techniques to reduce them. To keep your mind sharp, explore and learn about new things, play word games and do crossword puzzles.

When your libido seems to disappear, you and your partner can make some changes. If your sexual desire has decreased, examine your relationship with your significant other and look at life situations that may be affecting your sexuality. You and your partner can focus on creating other kinds of intimacy in your relationship as you rekindle your joint affection, closeness and romance. Explore and enjoy your sensuality - be patient and take small steps. Talk to your doctor about remedies for vaginal dryness.

If all the hormonal, physical and psychological changes you have been going through have led you to feel depressed and anxious, you need to address your emotions. Look for a support group in which to share your thoughts and feelings. Keep a journal to express your feelings and gain some insight. Make exercise a part of your daily routine and utilize stress reduction techniques, such as deep breathing, guided imagery, and meditation. Focus on the positives in your life and acknowledge what you are grateful for. It may help to give of yourself and do something for someone else. Certainly, if your emotional symptoms don't abate, consult a mental health professional.

Life is full of changes - menopause is just one of them. Look at other changes in you life. Just as you have coped before, you will be able to cope now. Recognize your strengths and build on them. Focus on what has worked for you in the past and trust that you will find options that will help you now. Be patient and recognize that working through menopause is an ongoing process that takes time. This is a new chapter in your life. You can write it the way you want!

If one of the changes you have made entails becoming a mother-in-law, be sure to tune in tomorrow when we host a virtual book tour with Sally Shields - author of The Daughter-in-Law Rules. And come with your questions for Sally. She'll be happy to answer them.

Dealing with Menopause

You may have trouble keeping track of all the changes menopause brings - especially when you are a Sandwiched Boomer overwhelmed by hot flashes. But there are some actions you can take to regain a sense of control over this major life transition. Here are some tips to help you move through this process.

Continue to gather information. There are websites, such www.menopause.org and www.WebMd.com, which provide extensive explanations and material about treatment options. There are other resources such as books, journals, and lectures. It is important that the information is valid, the source is reliable, and that you do not become overwhelmed.

Work in partnership with your doctor. Your physician is your best resource for information about your individual medical history and needs. Communicate your concerns honestly to your M.D. Consider the possibility of getting a second opinion and consulting with specialists.

Look for support. Other women who are going through this process can be a comfort as you share thoughts and feelings. You're not the only one experiencing this! Women can guide you by providing resources that have been helpful and techniques that have been effective. Be aware, of course, that we are all different and what has worked for others may not always be the best solution for you.

Explore changing your lifestyle and patterns of self-care. Exercise becomes even more important now. Even though it might be difficult to find the time, the results will be worth the effort. Good nutrition contributes to weight management, health and quality of life. Relaxation techniques and deep breathing can reduce stress. Enjoy what life has to offer - take a walk, spend time with friends, explore a new hobby, watch a movie, read a good book, laugh more. Finding what works for you will help you maintain a healthful lifestyle.

This is a good time to look at attitude adjustment. Try to maintain a positive attitude. If you look at a situation from a different perspective, sometimes it doesn't seem so bad. To begin the process of acceptance, recognize that these changes are part of the natural course of life. Have patience. Answers may not be easy to find and outcomes may not be perfect. Trust yourself as you learn to live with the ambiguity of life.

Tomorrow we'll look at practical techniques to help you deal with some specific symptoms of menopause. In the meantime, click on the post title above to read an article on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com, giving you Top Ten Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women.

Menopause Brain?

Last week we looked at ways to activate your brain and keep it young. But recent studies at UCLA indicate that women's brains may not function as well during the early stage of the menopause transition - women do not learn as well shortly before menopause as they do earlier or later. So if you are one of the 60% of women who notice that you have memory problems during your menopausal transition, take heart - your memory will come back once you are postmenopausal.

Menopause may bring many additional changes, emotional as well as physical. The meaning of "the change" may be different for each of you. For some, the aging process may signify the loss of physical beauty, even if you've not been overly concerned with looks before. Arleen loves the challenge of teaching and shares a close relationship with her husband and children. She participates as a volunteer in community activities. Even with her satisfaction with these roles, menopause is a reminder that she is getting older. "I hate looking in the mirror so I avoid it. I see things more magnified now with menopause – I look wrinkled, grayer, fatter and with a turkey neck. I hate it – looking old. I am constantly complaining about it."

It can bring the end of childbearing to the forefront even if you enjoy numerous other meaningful roles in your life. Sometimes the finality of the impossibility of pregnancy brings reductions in the amount of energy you want to invest in childrearing. Diane, who combines her career as a hairdresser with that of an involved parent, feels herself taking a step back from a daughter just entering her twenties. "I like not having a period. But it feels like the end of my motherhood thing. I feel that I’ve done a good job – she’s a good person and will turn out ok. So I am feeling some freedom."

You may also enjoy the freedom that comes from not being able to become pregnant again. Sue was frightened when she started missing her menstrual period. She thought that she might be pregnant with her fifth child. When she learned that her symptoms were the beginning of menopause, she remembers the moment. "I was relieved that’s all it was! Now I am more relaxed with intimacy because I am not worried about getting pregnant. I feel freer now to let myself experience my sexuality."

Menopause can also mark the beginning of thoughts about the finite nature of life, especially for Sandwiched Boomers. This can lead to fears about death or more motivation to accomplish goals. Janet is now thinking about changes she anticipates making in her life in the near future rather than the distant future. "Menopause pushes me to think about the future now and what I can look forward to. The years have passed too quickly. I realize if I want to accomplish things in life, I need to start now."

Has menopause changed your outlook on life? Karen, who has raised four children, has been able to cope with the issues of menopause because, "All of my life experience gives me a certain stability, understanding and strength in dealing with my aging. I don’t want to be a twenty-year old. I feel comfortable being fifty."

The realization that you have the freedom to 'wear purple' and be who you are without any need to please others can be invigorating. Carol, a teacher, is learning to trust herself and be who she is. "Now I have more authenticity – walking my walk, talking my talk – not needing to be so admired or wonderful at any price. There is some loss in coming off the pedestal but I can be selfish and a pain in the ass if I want."

What does menopause mean to you? What emotions are you feeling at the loss of your physical fertility? What does it feel like to know that some parts of your life are now over? What will you leave behind? How do these losses give you the freedom to move in new directions? How are your roles changing? What new opportunities are now opening for you? How will you pursue these? This would be a good time to reflect on your losses and on the new possibilities open to you.

Think about how you want to redefine your role. Click on the post title to take you to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com where you can read one of our Stepping Stones newsletters. Let us hear from you. And tune in tomorrow when we'll give you some suggestions for coping with menopause.

Your Voices

We hear from women facing difference kinds of challenges every day - personal, family, career. Here's a sample of some of the kinds of issues they are confronting. How about you? What are your concerns? What helps you cope?

One reader is surprised by how fast time has changed her from the young woman she once was:

"I don't like to look in the mirror. Though I feel the same inside, I am shocked by how old and frumpy I appear in pictures with my children and grandchildren. How do I begin to face these inevitable physical changes? I'm only in my 50's. I never thought I'd be facing these issues at this age. I am just beginning this transition and am fighting all the way. When did my face change so much while I wasn't looking? I have older friends who think I'm being foolish. Their attitude is, "that's the way it goes, accept it!" But I'm not ready to yet. I have considered counseling to find a way to accept aging. I'm looking for a good book on the subject of adjusting to the physical changes of the 50's and beyond."

Another reader has been dealing with her grief at the loss of her husband and has discovered a few ways to help lift some of her pain:

"I am grieving the death of my husband and soul-mate of 32 years who passed away last year after being diagnosed with cancer just 3 months earlier. We were also partners in our business for the past 20 years, and I am now having trouble maintaining enthusiasm for it. My view of the future right now is primarily focused on my 4-year-old grandson, plus continuing to help others in any way I can. I am a strong survivor, but at 63, I am having trouble re-establishing my sense of identity and perspective as a single person. My best therapy is spending quality time with my 4-year-old grandson! I have attended grief classes and continue to have meaningful communication with understanding friends. I begin and end each day by cultivating a spirit of gratitude, and I release a great deal of grief through journaling. I devote much of my time assisting a blind elderly aunt, and enjoy writing to friends and family who need moral support. I have planned to begin a fitness program as a way to maintain both my physical and emotional health, but haven't followed through as yet." 


Another is focused on her career and how she is coping with menopause:

"I wonder if my thoughts of a career change are driven by my perimenopause. I tell myself I shouldn't fear going through financial changes because of changes I've planned in my career direction. I'm consulting with career counselor and connecting with colleagues and friends to get support, job information, and relaxation. I think about how I can take care of perimenopause and provide support to other women going through the same journey. I use yoga and meditation to start my day right and have regular massages." 
 
 



What kinds of issues are challenging you? Do you have any words of support for your sisters out there? Let us hear from you. You can express your thoughts to us several ways: go to "Comments" below and leave a note, anonymously if you prefer; or click on the post title above to take you to the "About You" section of our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com, where you can write as much as you want; or just email us at Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com. We're waiting to hear from you!