Brotherly Love and Sisterly Love

Philadelphia has been known as the city of brotherly love since William Penn first named it over 300 years ago and today one of the LOVE sculptures by Robert Indiana has a prominent place on the University of Pennsylvania campus.

With two sons, four grandsons and a brother of my own, I know a little about how brothers show their love. They're physical with each other - playing or sparring - and they compete in just about any way they can. Although they're fiercely protective of one another from any outsider, they seem to enjoy challenging each other with glee and abandon when it's just them. It's their way of showing respect and acceptance - that they are strong enough to take it. Brotherly love isn't often openly or verbally expressed in warm and fuzzy terms - either between actual brothers or between men friends - rather it's conveyed in doing things together.

What about sisterly love? Mostly it centers on connection and communication as a way of creating emotional intimacy. When sisters do compete and juggle for position, generally it's about relationships - who gets more of the love. That can cause jealousy - over who is cherished, more admired, with greater influence in drawing others closer. So women reach out beyond their siblings - their friendships are often as loving, committed and attached as those between actual sisters. The loyalty and devotion of long-term women friends binds them together and builds a sense of inner strength and personal security in each. We are both more grounded and more willing to take a chance flying because of shared links to our sisterhood.

What is your take on brotherly and sisterly love? Your close friendships? Will they be a part of your Valentine's Day experience tomorrow? Who is dear to you? Are your friendships closer than your actual sibling relationships? Share your feelings and start a discussion through the Comment link below.

Your Voices

We hear from women facing difference kinds of challenges every day - personal, family, career. Here's a sample of some of the kinds of issues they are confronting. How about you? What are your concerns? What helps you cope?

One reader is surprised by how fast time has changed her from the young woman she once was:

"I don't like to look in the mirror. Though I feel the same inside, I am shocked by how old and frumpy I appear in pictures with my children and grandchildren. How do I begin to face these inevitable physical changes? I'm only in my 50's. I never thought I'd be facing these issues at this age. I am just beginning this transition and am fighting all the way. When did my face change so much while I wasn't looking? I have older friends who think I'm being foolish. Their attitude is, "that's the way it goes, accept it!" But I'm not ready to yet. I have considered counseling to find a way to accept aging. I'm looking for a good book on the subject of adjusting to the physical changes of the 50's and beyond."

Another reader has been dealing with her grief at the loss of her husband and has discovered a few ways to help lift some of her pain:

"I am grieving the death of my husband and soul-mate of 32 years who passed away last year after being diagnosed with cancer just 3 months earlier. We were also partners in our business for the past 20 years, and I am now having trouble maintaining enthusiasm for it. My view of the future right now is primarily focused on my 4-year-old grandson, plus continuing to help others in any way I can. I am a strong survivor, but at 63, I am having trouble re-establishing my sense of identity and perspective as a single person. My best therapy is spending quality time with my 4-year-old grandson! I have attended grief classes and continue to have meaningful communication with understanding friends. I begin and end each day by cultivating a spirit of gratitude, and I release a great deal of grief through journaling. I devote much of my time assisting a blind elderly aunt, and enjoy writing to friends and family who need moral support. I have planned to begin a fitness program as a way to maintain both my physical and emotional health, but haven't followed through as yet." 


Another is focused on her career and how she is coping with menopause:

"I wonder if my thoughts of a career change are driven by my perimenopause. I tell myself I shouldn't fear going through financial changes because of changes I've planned in my career direction. I'm consulting with career counselor and connecting with colleagues and friends to get support, job information, and relaxation. I think about how I can take care of perimenopause and provide support to other women going through the same journey. I use yoga and meditation to start my day right and have regular massages." 
 
 



What kinds of issues are challenging you? Do you have any words of support for your sisters out there? Let us hear from you. You can express your thoughts to us several ways: go to "Comments" below and leave a note, anonymously if you prefer; or click on the post title above to take you to the "About You" section of our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com, where you can write as much as you want; or just email us at Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com. We're waiting to hear from you!

More and more stories are coming out of the Beijing Olympics highlighting the courage and resolve of the women of the world.

Constantina Tomescu-Dita of Romania, a 38-year-old mother, was the triumphant gold medal winner of women's marathon in Beijing. Four years ago in Athens she had to relinquish her dreams of an Olympic medal at mile 20 due to heat exhaustion. But even then she did not completely quit. She walked for a mile, then started running again, coming in 20th in the 2004 competition. This time she was determined to win the race. She practiced and practiced in hot weather, firmly focused on avoiding another injury. So when you feel like giving up on your dreams, think of Constantina as a role model: learn from your failures, work hard to achieve your goals, don't surrender.

Another mother, 33-year-old Oksana Chusovitina, took the silver medal for Germany in individual women's vault. Older than most of the other gymnasts by ten years, Oksana had participated in four previous Olympics, winning a team gold. Her team at that time consisted of athletes from the former Soviet Union. What brought her to Germany at this stage of her career? Her 9-year-old son, Alisher, who has been treated in Germany for leukemia for the past 6 years. When Alisher was first diagnosed as a three-year-old, Oksana could not get treatment for him in her native Uzbekistan. Not one to be stopped by the challenges she faced, she and her husband moved to Germany to train while he was being treated there. Oksana demonstrates her commitment to family by competing for Germany today.

Sisters Venus and Serena Williams demonstrated another face of womanhood as they won the gold medal in women's tennis doubles. Their joy in playing together was evident as they breezed through their matches. While they generally play singles in their careers, the women said that they had looked forward to working with one another as a doubles team. For two very competitive women, it was a welcome opportunity to cooperate and celebrate family as well as their individuality. As Venus said, complimenting her sister, "I was literally born with a doubles partner. She never minds if I miss a shot or two." Serena echoed the same sentiments, "I don't know anyone who would get tired of playing with Venus Williams." So, sisters of the world, unite!

Despite the swift passage of time and the physical distance between us, when I visit with my older sister it's as if we've never been apart. Although I used to be the one she had to look after, we are now at the stage where we care for each other. All of our children are married with little ones of their own, and our role as grandmother has become what identifies us - in the family, that is.

But we're not ready to settle into the rocking chair just yet. We're both starting new projects at a time when we could be winding down our work lives. During the week together, at her lake cottage in Canada, we spent a lot of time talking about our work - and it was invigorating to share ideas, to give input and feedback, to get excited about the possibilities.

Do you have a sister or an old friend you haven't seen lately? With lots to catch up on, get in touch and make it happen - you'll be glad that you did.