Listening and Being Heard on Mother's Day

Likely, you'll leave your pet at home if you're going out for Mother's Day. So who's there to listen attentively to your every word? Whether you're spending some time with your children or your mother on Sunday, you'll appreciate being heard - and knowing how to be a good listener goes along with that, Sandwiched Boomer or not.

Research shows that money, title, or good health has less effect on life satisfaction than strong personal relationships. So this Mother's Day, make a commitment to do what you can to improve the communications in your relationship with your mom as well as your grown children.

Just as you recognize it with your aging mother, let your kids know that the gift of time is one of the most precious presents you can receive. Spend some quality time with these close family members, talking and reminiscing. Look through old family photographs and share stories about when everyone was younger. The time you spend together will nourish you when you're apart.

For some special time with your mom or grown children, you will all feel more valued if you screen out the daily hassles and concentrate just on each other - plan an activity that you will both enjoy. Let yourselves become absorbed and delight in these pleasurable activities. Pay attention to the details. Talk about what you are doing, appreciating and enjoying. Linger awhile in order to make it last.

If you have some old issues to work out with your mother or your kids, you may be able to move forward in addressing them by apologizing or forgiving. When you apologize, you free yourself from shame or guilt and when you forgive, from dwelling on anger or resentment. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily excuse the action, but does free you from ruminating about it. It releases you from the past and becomes a gift you give to yourself.

Allow yourself to express the gratitude you feel having this family in your life. Enjoy your day and savor these moments. Reflect on the positive feelings you have from the past and cultivate rich memories now to sustain you in the future. And have a happy Mother's Day.

For a unique gift to your mom or your kids in honor of Mother's Day, why not arrange for them to have a copy of our new ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned? It's easy to do, just click on the link to the left.

More and more stories are coming out of the Beijing Olympics highlighting the courage and resolve of the women of the world.

Constantina Tomescu-Dita of Romania, a 38-year-old mother, was the triumphant gold medal winner of women's marathon in Beijing. Four years ago in Athens she had to relinquish her dreams of an Olympic medal at mile 20 due to heat exhaustion. But even then she did not completely quit. She walked for a mile, then started running again, coming in 20th in the 2004 competition. This time she was determined to win the race. She practiced and practiced in hot weather, firmly focused on avoiding another injury. So when you feel like giving up on your dreams, think of Constantina as a role model: learn from your failures, work hard to achieve your goals, don't surrender.

Another mother, 33-year-old Oksana Chusovitina, took the silver medal for Germany in individual women's vault. Older than most of the other gymnasts by ten years, Oksana had participated in four previous Olympics, winning a team gold. Her team at that time consisted of athletes from the former Soviet Union. What brought her to Germany at this stage of her career? Her 9-year-old son, Alisher, who has been treated in Germany for leukemia for the past 6 years. When Alisher was first diagnosed as a three-year-old, Oksana could not get treatment for him in her native Uzbekistan. Not one to be stopped by the challenges she faced, she and her husband moved to Germany to train while he was being treated there. Oksana demonstrates her commitment to family by competing for Germany today.

Sisters Venus and Serena Williams demonstrated another face of womanhood as they won the gold medal in women's tennis doubles. Their joy in playing together was evident as they breezed through their matches. While they generally play singles in their careers, the women said that they had looked forward to working with one another as a doubles team. For two very competitive women, it was a welcome opportunity to cooperate and celebrate family as well as their individuality. As Venus said, complimenting her sister, "I was literally born with a doubles partner. She never minds if I miss a shot or two." Serena echoed the same sentiments, "I don't know anyone who would get tired of playing with Venus Williams." So, sisters of the world, unite!

Your relationship with your mom is likely to be complex and full of twists and turns, evolving over the years as you change. One Sandwiched Boomer ruminates about how she transformed her connections with her mother.

When Agnes was a teenager, she felt that her strong mother was trying to control her. She looked forward to getting out from under her thumb and moved across the country when she married and raised her own family. They maintained their connections but at a distance.

As her children matured, so did Agnes. She began to see her mom as a person, not just as her Mother. Agnes recognized that she admired and respected many of her mother’s characteristics - her sense of responsibility, her independence, her humor, her common sense. Warily, Agnes began to approach her mother more and more as an individual. As she did, she was able to reach out to her and forgive her mother for the way she had treated her before.

Asked about her aging mom's final years, Agnes related, "After she had a stroke, I moved her into our home. She lived with our family until she died. It was hard on everyone but we all became closer and I began to understand her even better. I wouldn't trade that year for anything."

As you in the Sandwiched Generation continue to build bonds with your mother, savor these moments. Reflect on your feelings from the past and cultivate rich memories now to sustain you in the future.

We have been talking about Mother's Day all week and now here are some more suggestions for you Sandwiched Boomers as you continue to deal with the complicated relationship with your aging mother.

The old fashioned art of letter writing can help you develop a closer bond with your mom, even after all these years. Write her a letter about how grateful you feel to have her as your mother. Sharing these feelings increases good memories about the past and leads to greater personal satisfaction for both of you.

If you have some old, unpleasant issues to work out with your mother, you may be able to move forward in addressing them by writing her an apology letter or a letter offering forgiveness. When you apologize, you free yourself from shame or guilt and your mother from dwelling on anger or resentment.

When you forgive your mother for some past transgression, it doesn't necessarily excuse the action, but does free you from ruminating about it. Forgiveness releases you from the past; it is a gift that you give to yourself.

Tomorrow, we'll share a story with you about how one woman in the Sandwiched Generation grew and forged a new bond with her older mother. You can think about it as you write your own story.