Sally Shields is Launching Her Book

Sally Shields is an Internet dynamo and an astute businesswoman. She's also incredibly generous and a great role model for how to give back to others while moving toward your own goals.

Today we're joining with 50 relationship experts and success coaches to help Sally, a best selling author, reach her goal - #1 on Amazon.

Sally is offering a valuable bundle of gifts - free dieting and self-improvement eBooks as well as discounts on fitness magazines and custom jewelry for women who buy her new book, Is She Naturally Thin or Disciplined? Find out about this unique offer by visiting the book launch site.

If you're a card carrying member of the Sandwich Generation, facing the challenges of parents growing older and kids growing up, stress is a given. And with little time for yourself, healthy eating and exercise can take a back seat. Sally's book focuses on first person accounts of women who have found some answers for themselves.

And sign our email list to the left of this post to receive Stepping Stones, our complimentary monthly newsletter.

Ultimate Blog Party 2010

Welcome to the 4th annual Ultimate Blog Party. It's a family affair, hosted by twins Janice and Susan, along with their mom, Joan, from 5 MinutesforMom. They have a week of activities planned and all you have to do is show up. Consider this your formal invitation! We've just joined in and see that there's plenty going on - mommy and granny blogs to visit, lots of giveaways and prizes, useful information and chances to connect or network.
But first, we're Phyllis and Rosemary, longtime friends, co-founders of HerMentorCenter, life coaches and co-authors of a book about family relationships. Welcome to our blog, NourishingRelationships. We blog often here and want you to join us as we build community and help you find your voice. Scroll down to see some of our other posts - we hope you enjoy what we have to offer.

You're likely looking for blogs of interest to moms and grandmothers in the Baby Boomer and Sandwich Generation, caring for parents growing older and kids growing up. As you enjoy the party, we'd love to hear about the blogs you visit and women you meet - you can share your comments below.

Want to read interesting stories and learn practical tips on how to move forward in your own life? Here's our giveaway to you: simply sign up on our email list to the left of this post and download a copy of our new ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned.

Here's another offer if you're having issues with your mother-in-law. The author of The Daughter-in-Law Rules, Sally Shields, has created a quiz app for the iPhone. You can find it in the iPhone app store under entertainment. And you can reach Sally at http://www.thedilrules.com/contact/.

When you're ready to get started, just click on the banner at the top of this post. You'll find lots of blogs to visit. Enjoy the party and come back to let us know what you discover!

Sally Shields Chats with Our Readers

Yesterday, we enjoyed hosting Sally Shields, author of The Daughter-in-Law Rules on our blog. Here are some of our readers' questions and Sally's responses.

When Anita asked Sally how her mother-in-law reacted to reading about herself in the book, Sally recalled how it affected their relationship:

"There are 3 parts to that... first when she found out I was writing the book she said, "I know I can be a B....tch, Sally! I'm a Leo. But we're a lot a like, you know. Now go write a best-seller, or I'll kick your butt!"

Then, she read the book. And well, I wasn't welcome at Christmas time...

Lastly, we had it out... and we didn't hold back. She told me what she thought of me. I told her what I thought of her. We screamed and laughed, and she finally said, "You know, I think this probably all happened for a reason." Now, we are close!"

Another reader asked about how her relationship with her MIL changed when Sally had children.

"Well, that was incredible. There is nothing that she wanted more in the world than to have grandchildren. Once I got that, and made sure that she always feels included in all the little steps and milestones, I have seen a tremendous change in our relationship. This is such a joy for me to facilitate!"

One of our readers, a MIL and grandmother herself who works on her relationship with her DIL, wondered what Sally meant by, "I don't mind telling people what to do or how they should do it." Sally explained:

"You sound like such a sweet MIL... it's a very, very complicated relationship, and I feel it is largely the DIL's responsibility to make sure that her husband's mother feels like she is wanted, appreciated and part of their lives. So, that is my vision, to teach brides and wives the art of making friends with their husband's mother, so that years of needless contention can be avoided! The DIL needs schooling and that is what I set out to do with the DIL Rules.

Something else I'd like to add to that... when I say I don't mind telling people what to do or how they should do it, I mean, that I think a DIL should make sure to make her MIL feel special and appreciated by doing all the little things she can like never forgetting a b-day, making sure she calls her MIL once a week to ask how she's feeling, complimenting her and letting her know what a great job she did in raising her son, etc. These might seem like the presumed obvious, but they are little things that can easily get overlooked in the course of daily life. Because the MIL DIL relationship is often fraught with tension, there are so many things a DIL can do to avert misunderstandings and hurtful miscommunications. So that is what I mean by telling someone what to do... schooling and reminding the DIL that it is her job to reach out and make friends with her MIL!"

A daughter-in-law wanted help in dealing with her MIL who had complained that she was distant because the DIL didn't want to go to her home for Sunday dinner. Sally weighed in with her advice:

"Yes, this is the kind of stuff that happens, very normal... this relationship is already poised for misunderstandings and hurtfulness... that is why, we as DIL's have to work so hard to not be defensive and air more on the side of compassionate. From her perspective, she doesn't understand all those reasons. Maybe you can start calling her once a week, just to have a little chat, ask how she's feeling, etc. Or start with once every 3 weeks, whatever you can do, but make sure your husband isn't home. Tell her how excited you are to come to Sunday dinner! Be glad that you don't have to cook. Then, go. But not always - just now and then. But strike a balance, because you have compassion and do it happily for your husband. These are part of the RULES for a happy marriage!
Consider it a blessing that you don't have to cook. Then, help her with the dishes, and watch the magic happen!"

And Janet, with an idea for a book herself, asked Sally about her marketing efforts. Sally shared her experience:

"I did everything I could to learn how to market a book, then wrote a home-study course called Publicity Secrets Revealed: What Every PR Firm Doesn't Want Your to Know! You can check it out here: www.sallyshields.com/productsandservices

I also learned how to bring a book to the top of the Amazon charts, and got to #1 in Wedding showers, which opened up a LOT of doors, and I now teach authors how to do that as well. Please get in touch with me and I'd be happy to be your coach! Basically, I got on lots of radio and TV shows, did virtual book tours, article marketing, created sponsorship proposals (1-800-flowers created a full page ad in the back of the book) and things of this nature."

Our thanks again to Sally for her generosity in sharing with us. If you are a mother-in-law and want some more insight into how to get along better with your daughter-in-law, click on the post title above. It takes you to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com and our article, From Baby Boomer to Mother-in-Law: How to Play Your New Role.

The Daughter-in-Law Rules

Nourishing Relationships: We are so pleased to have Sally Shields, author of The Daughter-in-Law Rules join us today. We have so much to ask you, lets get right to it!
What is the concept behind the DIL Rules and how did you derive at that name?

Sally Shields: The Daughter-in-Law Rules is based on the 7th spiritual law of success, which is: the quickest way to get what you want is to help others get what they want. By that I mean, be a loving, kind-hearted, sensitive person, and the world will reflect that back to you, even in the form of your mother-in-law! I loved that book The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. I patterned the Daughter-in-Law Rules on that book.

N R: When did you decide on writing as a career?

S S: Actually, the book took me less than a week to write! As the last thing I wrote was a paper in high school, I don't consider myself a writer per se. What I learned was that you only need 2 things to have a best selling book - a passion for your topic and a sincere desire to help people. To quote Robert Kiyosaki of Rich Dad, Poor Dad: "I didn't want to be the best writing author - rather I want to be the best SELLING author!" It was the marketing of the book that really intrigued me, so I use the 90-10 rule - I spent 10% of my time writing the book, and the other 90% of my time and energy marketing it.

N R: What motivated you to write the DIL Rules?

S S: Like most women, I got married and got a mother-in-law. But after a couple of years, I was left scratching my head, thinking, where is the manual for this?!!! I wrote to the ladies that wrote the bestselling book The Rules, and told them that since they helped all these women meet and marry the men of their dreams, they then needed to provide some advice on how to get along with the other woman in their man's life—his mom! These two authors told me it was the best idea they'd ever heard. I honestly just wanted some advice on the topic! "You should write it," they said. At first I thought they were crazy since the last thing I'd written was a term paper in high school English class! But, the gears started turning in my mind. So I started to jot down all the troublesome incidents that would pop into my head in regards to my MIL, and came up with a rule and a solution to deal with each and every one. When I put a few of these rules into practice (and saw that they actually worked) I thought maybe I could help save other young wives years of needless contention!

N R: Have you published any other work that you've written?

S S: I have a music book called Modern Jazz Piano (Hal Leonard, 2004). I've also written The Collaborator Rules: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Stay Friends with) Your Co-Author as well as a poetry book called "A Pond Beneath the Moon" but I've yet to publish them.

N R: What makes you unique when compared to other authors?

I am very focused on solving a problem in a very short period of time. I don't mind telling people what to do or how they should do it. Here's the Rule. Now do it. Sometimes people tell me that they don't want to do these rules because it seems like too much work. Then I give them the Dr. Phil answer which is, "Well, how's THAT workin' for ya?!!" These rules are problem-solution oriented so give them a try!

S S: What inspires your work?

I love being creative and just coming up with stuff that I think will help people, or bring humor to a situation, while at the same time solving my own life's problems! My vision is now to create more harmony among 20 million mothers and daughters in law around the world while at the same time raising money for breast cancer. The National Breast Cancer Foundation® is my non-profit partner and we are currently working with 1-800-flowers on a unique fundraising idea for the fall.

N R: Has your book been featured in any national publications or on television?

S S: Yes! I've been in Star Magazine, Girlfriendz, For the Bride, and Obvious Magazine. I've appeared twice on the nationally syndicated The Daily Buzz, Fox & Friends, BetterTV.com and have a pending segment on the Morning Show with Mike and Juliette, as well as having appeared on Martha Stewart Whole Living Radio and the DIL Rules was recommended as Book of the Week by Dr. Laura Schelssinger.

N R: Are you self-published or through a publishing house?

S S: I started off self-publishing with Outskirts Press, a print on demand company, but just garnered interest from a small independent publisher with national distribution. The DIL Rules will be re-released on September 1st with a new cover, subtitle, foreword, interior design and illustrations, and will be in stores everywhere!

N R: Who or what personally inspires you to push forth with your career?

S S: I've been a musician ever since I was a kid, and I just get a lot of energy from performing, speaking, being out there in the media and expressing my ideas in my unique way fuels and motivates me forward.

N R: Have your book sales been positively/negatively affected by the financial changes in the country and if so how you come up with ways to divert from it (if negative)?

S S: I notice that the more radio and TV appearances I do, I can keep the sales up. It seems to be more about continually letting people know about the book that makes more of a difference than the financial state of affairs. It would be fun to compare current sales to what it will be like when Obama whips this country back in shape eventually! :-)

N R: Do you have any events coming up that people should know about or book tours?

S S: As I have 2 small kids, I have been doing virtual book tours from home and doing national radio tours via telephone. I do some local book signings here in New York, and I speak at various events such as the ASJA, and the Catholic Marketing Network has asked me to speak at their event in a couple of months. I also do a weekly radio show called Blurb! that is a book contest for authors. For more information on how authors can apply to be on the show, check out BlurbRadio.com.

N R: What advice would you have for young entrepreneurs and authors?

S S: I would say keep it fun, because otherwise all those hours you put in wouldn't make any sense! And remember that there are only 2 elements that you need to succeed in any endeavor: a passion for your topic and a sincere desire to help people.

N R: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

S S: I see myself with my own reality show, as a Daughter-in-Law Rules seminar leader, a speaker at Bridal events, fundraiser and spokesperson for the National Breast Cancer Foundation,® and continuing to partner with corporations such as Macys, David's Bridal and Martha Stewart Weddings.

Never give up on your dreams. You don't have to know the how, but focus on the why. Don't set limits and reach for the sky. Do positive affirmations morning and evening, and you will see your thoughts transform into things. You can manifest your desires by focusing on the things that you want. Don't give up because it takes a while for the universe to prepare the meal that you've ordered, but know that it is in the oven back there so make sure you don't leave the restaurant!

N R: Thanks, Sally, for joining us today and for the great information. Readers, here's your chance to get some personal advice from Sally - about getting along with your daughter-in-law, marketing your own book, living your dream. Just click on the "comment" line below and let us hear from you.

Coping with Menopausal Symptoms

You've likely tried many techniques to deal with the annoying symptoms of perimenopause. Here are some that many Sandwiched Boomers find work for them. Try them, if you haven't already, and see if they work for you.

If hot flashes and night sweats plague you, join the gang. You can: dress in layers, have a personal fan handy to use whenever you need, sleep in a cool room at night, avoid alcohol, spicy foods and others that trigger a hot flash.

Many women in perimenopause just can't get a good night's sleep. If you have a hard time falling asleep or getting back to sleep when your body awakens you, try to create a comfortable bedtime routine and save your bed for intimacy and sleep. It may also help to move your physical exercise to earlier in the day.

Do you find yourself gaining weight - and in all the wrong places? Here the tips are the same ones you've heard all your life: start an eating program that you can maintain, drink lots of water - especially a half-hour before your next meal - find healthful food substitutes. Begin to keep a food diary, noting what, when and where you eat and what you were thinking and feeling at the time. This will help you determine your negative triggers so you can plan to avoid them. Resist buying sweets - if you don't have them handy, you won't have the temptation to grab a quick fix.

Even if you've been the queen of multitasking before you may notice that now you just can't concentrate and focus as well. If so, you may want to simplify your environment and concentrate on only one thing at a time. Make a list of things you want to do and prioritize them. Schedule extra time to go over new information so that you can incorporate it. Identify your greatest stressors and work on techniques to reduce them. To keep your mind sharp, explore and learn about new things, play word games and do crossword puzzles.

When your libido seems to disappear, you and your partner can make some changes. If your sexual desire has decreased, examine your relationship with your significant other and look at life situations that may be affecting your sexuality. You and your partner can focus on creating other kinds of intimacy in your relationship as you rekindle your joint affection, closeness and romance. Explore and enjoy your sensuality - be patient and take small steps. Talk to your doctor about remedies for vaginal dryness.

If all the hormonal, physical and psychological changes you have been going through have led you to feel depressed and anxious, you need to address your emotions. Look for a support group in which to share your thoughts and feelings. Keep a journal to express your feelings and gain some insight. Make exercise a part of your daily routine and utilize stress reduction techniques, such as deep breathing, guided imagery, and meditation. Focus on the positives in your life and acknowledge what you are grateful for. It may help to give of yourself and do something for someone else. Certainly, if your emotional symptoms don't abate, consult a mental health professional.

Life is full of changes - menopause is just one of them. Look at other changes in you life. Just as you have coped before, you will be able to cope now. Recognize your strengths and build on them. Focus on what has worked for you in the past and trust that you will find options that will help you now. Be patient and recognize that working through menopause is an ongoing process that takes time. This is a new chapter in your life. You can write it the way you want!

If one of the changes you have made entails becoming a mother-in-law, be sure to tune in tomorrow when we host a virtual book tour with Sally Shields - author of The Daughter-in-Law Rules. And come with your questions for Sally. She'll be happy to answer them.