Conflict Resolution for Boomer Couples

Don't you already know there is no perfect relationship? All couples get angry and argue, so you're not alone. But remember, when resolving conflict, keep your words sweet - you may have to eat them. Your arguments may not have as much fallout if you and your partner accumulate positive reserve in your emotional bank account - that is, the more positive interactions and feelings, the less damage.

Agree to stop arguing and postpone a difficult conversation until you're both feeling less upset. Decide, together, to step away and put distance between you and the situation. Take a break and wait until you both are settled enough to listen to each other.

While you're unwinding, think more constructively - for example, his anger isn’t all about me; we really do love each other; she's under a lot of pressure at work; this too shall pass; I'm upset now but I know we’re right for each other.

Throw yourself into an activity that gives you immediate release and stay there for a while - call a friend and let off steam, take a long run in the park, put on earphones and listen to music that stirs your soul.

Distraction can be powerful, no matter what form it takes. Be playful and try humor or turn the controversy into a debate. Using adaptive defenses can lead to deeper and more meaningful conversations.

Practicing these strategies can make a difference in the outcome of your disagreements. As Russian writer Leo Tolstoy said, "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility."

Are you an entrepreneur or small business owner? In honor of Effective Communication Month, you can pick up tools to help you communicate better with your customers, clients and prospects - even your spouse! Although you do have to opt-in to get the free gifts of your choice, check out this giveaway to see if it works for you.

And remember to log on tomorrow for our Virtual Book Tour with Dr. Jed Diamond and his new book, "Mr. Mean." Come prepared with questions about the problems in your relationship - you'll receive smart and practical solutions from Jed.

The Sandwich Generation and Communication

As members of the time-starved Sandwich Generation, do you sometimes wonder how you're going to get it all done? And now we're asking you to focus on your communication with your partner. Don't worry, these tips aren't too hard to integrate into your bag of tricks. And in the long run it'll help your other relationships:

Limit your arguments. If the situation between the two of you is tense, small annoyances can seem bigger than before. When you argue, allowing bad feelings to fester only makes it worse. Don't turn your quarrel into something more or attach your reactions to another issue. Agree that you will together explore the problems in your relationship. And spend time learning about conflict resolution, direct communication and active listening skills. There's a lot of information available through relationship workshops, on the Internet and in the self help section of the bookstore.

Begin a process of serious talking. Can't do it alone? If you really want to work out your differences, you might consider consulting with a marital therapist or joining a couples' support group. When you each understand more about the other's needs and capabilities, you'll be clearer about the compromises you have to make. Then it will be up to both of you to decide whether or not you're willing to do the hard work. That may include efforts to change your current expectations, redefine what marriage means to you and create new goals for the relationship.

Click on the title above and read an article on HerMentorCenter.com about couples' communication from the male boomer perspective. And share your ideas about what works in your relationship.

OK. With all the responsibilities of a Sandwiched Boomer and the stress over the financial fallout, you and your partner have been driving each other crazy. How do you avoid doing permanent damage in the heat of the moment?

All couples get angry and have arguments, so know that you're not alone. But remember, when resolving conflict, to keep your words sweet - because you may have to eat them.

When in conflict, you can minimize emotional overload by focusing only on the issue at hand. And try not to blame your partner or be defensive. Research conducted by relationship experts indicates that one of the most effective ways to have control over the outcome of disagreements is to assume some personal responsibility and, in the end, be willing to negotiate a compromise. Fights don't have as much fallout if you and your partner have accumulated a shared positive reserve in your emotional bank account. That is, the more positive interactions and feelings, the less damage.

It seemed to Sybil that her parents were always angry with each other. She hoped they would get a divorce but they stayed together and just kept on fighting. She vowed that her marriage would be different. "I couldn’t wait to move out. Over the years I broke off several relationships that could have worked, but I was too afraid of ending up just like my parents. At the age of 42, after years of therapy, I finally felt secure enough to take the plunge. Every day, for the past seven years, I wake up and make a conscious decision to focus on the positives in my marriage.

Over the next couple of days. we'll be offering tips about how to 'fight fair.' And we welcome your ideas, as well.

It has been six weeks since the last Democratic primary in Mississippi. As Sandwiched Boomers, you know what can happen when the stakes are high. Much like in arguments you may have with aging parents, growing children and partners, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have gone on the offensive. And Clinton's attacks have had an effect. Obama has put aside his role as a reformer, focused on change, in order to get nasty too.

Emotions are high with the country on the edge of deciding whether Obama will be the next Democratic presidential candidate. Although the polls show that Clinton is up by 5%, if she doesn't win by double digits on Tuesday there will be pressure from the party for her to stop her campaign.

What is the present conflict you are dealing with in your family relationships: Is it time for your Dad to stop driving but he refuses to listen to your rationale? Do you want your boomerang daughter to commit to some house rules without wanting it all her way? Is the discussion with your husband about how to spend your tax return going nowhere?

Think about when you usually pull out all the stopppers in order to win an argument. Evaluate the skills and resources that are to your advantage at these times.

How does it feel to go against your nature so that you can come out on top? What most often works to win the hearts and minds of those who are most important to you? And do you always know when it's time to let it go?