So You Didn't Win the Lottery...Now What?

If you're reading this blog post today, the overwhelming odds are that you didn't win the record-breaking lottery over the weekend. Americans spent $1.5 billion in their magical thinking quest to win the jackpot, fantasizing about how they would happily spend the $640 million that was to be paid out to the winner. As it happened, there were three winners so the final after-tax take home this year for each will be about $100 million. Still, nothing to sneeze at.

Are you wondering how others have fared after winning the lottery? In many cases, not well. Over 1/3 of past winners were in serious financial trouble within five years, some facing bankruptcy. Others saw their health deteriorate or addictions spiral out of control. Relationships often turned sour, with friends or family taking advantage of them. And after an initial spurt in elation, most were not any happier than they were before winning.

So now that you don't have to spend time counting your fortune or interviewing and hiring a wealth adviser, here are two approaches to think about as you seek to achieve the authentic happiness you thought a winning number would bring:

Bring your experience of gratitude into the forefront. Keeping a gratitude journal can help you become more aware of what brings you pleasure. Several times a week, count your blessings and write about three specific experiences for which you were thankful that day. They could include a dramatic sunset, warm hug from a friend, tender compliment from your partner, touching story, beautiful violin concerto, delicious dessert. As you focus on these and choose not to take them for granted, you'll be increasing your level of joy. Express your gratitude to others who have made a positive difference in your life - you'll feel happier and so will they.

Engage in the world around you using your personal strengths. When you're absorbed in a challenging activity you love and are skillful at, you'll feel more alive and authentic. Your energized focus and immersion in the task at hand create flow. This peak experience is accompanied by deep feelings of fulfillment and happiness. Identifying, developing and utilizing your character strengths at work and in your leisure interests bring you flow and a sense well-being that is genuine and lasting.

For more practical and winning tips for achieving happiness, check in with us here again on Wednesday.

If you had hoped to use your lottery winnings to help with finances after your kids boomeranged home, we've also got some useful strategies for you. Log onto our interview on the Fox Business website with boomer Casey Dowd, Repopulated Empty-Nests: What to Do When Your Kids Move Back Home and let us know how our tips work for you.

Love is More Than a Four Letter Word

With Valentine's Day less than a week away, we continue our focus on the many aspects of love. Filled with the deep pleasure of engagement, we often talk about loving a person, an idea, a place, an experience. The great sense of pure joy and energy springing from such love can keep you warm the rest of the season - a must, now that Punxsutawney Phil has predicted six more weeks of winter.

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Here are two more forms of love to consider this week:

Love what you do. Whatever it is you do each day - a job outside the home, a hobby, volunteer work, caring for your aging parents or growing children - you'll be more fulfilled if you're immersed in it. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi coined the term flow for the experience of focused involvement in an activity. In flow you have a greater sense of clarity and timelessness, with your passion becoming its own reward. Challenge yourself to live a meaningful life to its fullest by creating flow, knowing that you can accomplish your goals. And experience love by making a commitment to act on what you feel.

Love who you are. It's not always easy to love yourself, is it? Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies, seeing our faults more clearly than our strengths. Other times we over estimate our strong points, seeing ourselves through rose-colored glasses. Two thousand years ago, Socrates entreated each of us to Know Thyself. Your challenge today is to recognize your authentic being. When you embrace your frailties and at the same time encourage your growth and the development of your abilities, you can begin to truly love yourself. Learn to feel comfortable in your own skin - accept and be true to who you are.

We hope you enjoy your day of love next week - whatever object of your affections you choose to celebrate. Want to tell us about your love? Click on the comment link below and tell us who or what brings happiness to your life.

Learning to Flourish

Now that the kids are back in school and their homework is starting, we've got some news about a book you might like to read yourself. The field of Positive Psychology - with its emphasis on creating a meaningful, healthy life - is especially important to us here at NourishingRelationships. Recently a pillar in the field, as well as a friend and mentor, Dr. Marty Seligman, enlarged on his work with Authentic Happiness and established a revision of his theory in his new book, Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being.


In his revised theory, Seligman has added two more elements to his original three constructs that make up a life well-lived. All five, each with the support of essential character strengths and virtues, come together to create well-being. He uses the mnemonic PERMA to stand for these 5 components of thriving: Positive Emotions, Engagement, Positive Relationships, Meaning and Purpose, Achievement. Lets take a look at each of these to see how they might relate to you:

Positive Emotions involve pleasure and enjoyment, often during a satisfying sensory experience. You may feel a positive emotion while eating a delicious meal, hearing a beautiful symphony, walking on the beach, sharing a hug with your grandchild. Days full of these positive emotions make up what Seligman terms a pleasant life.

Engagement comes with flow, the experience of being so involved in an activity that you lose track of time and place. During this type of total absorption you feel at one with what you are doing. You may be fortunate to experience flow from your work or a hobby that you love. This type of immersion Seligman has labeled an engaged life.

Positive Relationships are necessary for well-being and therefore comprise one of the two new additions to Seligman's theory of thriving. Here on our blog and at our website, HerMentorCenter.com, we give practical tips to develop and maintain positive relationships with your family. When the pressure rises from caring for growing children and aging parents, the deep relationships you have built with a significant other and close friends can help buffer your stress and enhance your well-being.

Meaning and Purpose entail a commitment to something larger than yourself - the circle can include family, community, country, humanity, spiritual guidance. You may be involved in volunteer activities that bring deep satisfaction and the recognition that you can make a difference in repairing the world. Seligman has described this as a meaningful life.

Accomplishment is the second addition in this revised theory and the final tenet of well-being. Striving to achieve a goal strictly for its own sake can motivate a determined person, using her talents, to overcome difficulties. And the sense of triumph that comes from mastery over a challenging test is priceless.

Will these Positive Psychology tidbits encourage you to enjoy your own learning experience as the new school year begins? Knowing more about the constructs of well-being can help you decide how to focus your personal and family life. We hope our efforts together can be the driving force for you to thrive as you live a pleasant and engaged life, connected to others, complete with meaningful and purposeful accomplishments. What could be better?

Career Change Questions Answered

We began this week with a look at what it takes to make a career change and how your passions, skills and resources can help you succeed as you work through the process. In this economy, where job losses are especially prevalent, it's wise to give some thought to planning for modifications in how you spend your day. You may want to sign up for classes from community colleges to help with a career change.

On Wednesday, were pleased to welcome Teresa Burrell, author of The Advocate's Betrayal to our blog for a virtual book tour. An educator, attorney, businesswoman and writer, Teresa graciously answered our questions and also responded to several readers' comments and requests for advice. We'd like to share those with you today:


One reader, Annette, wanted to know more about how Teresa went about making her career changes. She commented: "I am in awe of your courage in starting new careers. I would like to go back to school but I'm afraid to quit my job and start all over from scratch. How much did you have to plan ahead so you'd have enough money to support yourself after your career change?"

Teresa had some practical advice for her: "I did a little financial planning for my career changes, but mostly I just remembered what it was like when I first started attending college. I didn't have anything then and I made it through. And each time it just got better. I've never been one to have a lot of debt other than school loans, and I didn't have any of those until I went to law school. I always knew I could find some kind of work if I had to, so I just dove in. I realize I took some chances but I had to in order to follow my dreams. I do have to admit, the older I get the more planning I do for a career change."

Another reader confessed that she was concerned about her internal motivation to stay on track. Suzanne commented: "I like the idea of working for myself - like you've done as a writer. But I'm afraid I wouldn't have the energy to keep going without someone (like my boss) pushing me. How do you get yourself to stick to your job on your own?"

Teresa shared some of her philosophy about taking responsibility for herself and her career: "Suzanne, keeping on task can be one of the hardest things to do when someone isn't standing watch. Many businesses fail for that very reason. This is a business, just like any other. If you take that approach, things will get done. If you look at it as a hobby, that's all it will ever be. For the most part, you have to schedule it into your day or your week and then stick to it."

One would-be author asked about how to move forward with her manuscript: "I've been working on a book too - a novel, not a mystery. This is all brand new for me. When I finish writing, how do I get it published? How did you decide on your publisher?"

In response, Teresa gave her some of the inside scoop about publishing: "Getting published can be a real nightmare. I've heard some horror stories from many authors, some well known, others not. I didn't have the typical experience. I went to a writer's conference, submitted twenty pages to a publisher, and she asked for my manuscript. My second book was picked up by another publisher who approached me. I think that was because my first book was doing well and they saw how much effort I put into the marketing process. When your book is finished the first thing you have to do is learn how to write a clean query letter and a great synopsis. Both of those things can be done at a writer's conference. And then you start the search for an agent or a publisher. Most of that can be done online or you can attend a conference and submit some of your work. There are a number of writer's conferences that give you that opportunity. Here locally we have the Southern California Writer's Conference which I attended and would highly recommend for both the learning process and for making connections. Just make sure you approach the process knowing there is a lot of rejection in this business and at the same time keep a positive attitude."

Our thanks, again, to Teresa Burrell for her candor and advice. You can learn more about her book, The Advocate's Betrayal, on her website.

Thinking About a Career Change?

This week we'll be hosting a virtual book tour with Teresa Burrell, an author who has worked at several different jobs and has also enjoyed careers as an attorney and a teacher. She's not alone in her journey. According to a national longitudinal study conducted by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, baby boomers in the workforce tend to have an average of about 11 different jobs during the first 25 years of their productive work time.

Although the conventional wisdom has been that people change careers today somewhere between 3 and 7 times in their life, the Bureau has never tried to determine the number of times Americans actually do change careers because it is hard to define exactly what constitutes a career change.

Have you ever thought of making a career change yourself? What are the barriers standing in your way? When you are able to identify some of the challenges ahead, you can begin to outline the steps you need to take to move forward in your quest. You can learn more about how to confront these obstacles by consulting articles on our Her Mentor Center website.

What are your passions? Think about what has defined you, what raises your level of enthusiasm. When you are excited about what you do and the way you spend your day, you will experience the sense of flow that accompanies the energized focus you have in your activity.

What are your skills? You can build on the skills you have already developed as you transfer them into new areas. Brainstorm with friends about how your expertise in one sphere can be expanded into others. And look at the means at hand to educate yourself in new techniques, drawing on your innate abilities and specific aptitudes.

What are your resources? Just as inner character strengths serve as your foundation, you have external supports in the form of family and friends. You don't have to accomplish the transformation alone. Make a list of the reserves available to you and draw on them. It'll be a win-win experience for all of you.

Be sure to check in with us on Wednesday - you can join in the chat with Teresa Burrell about her own career change and the two mystery novels that have come out of it.