Boomerang Kids Moving Back Home After College

Not since the Great Depression have so many fledgling adults moved into the empty nest with mom and dad. This cyclical trend has accelerated along with the economic crisis. So many of our kids are dealing with school loans or debts and can't find a job. It makes sense for them to head for home, where there's the hope of some emotional and financial support.

The statistics have changed markedly over the past few years. Monster's 2009 annual entry level job outlook reports that 40% of 2008 college graduates moved in with their parents and 42% of 2006 graduates were still living at home. A poll from Twentysomething, Inc. indicates that 85% of 2011 college seniors planned to move back in with their parents. This is attributed to a 15% unemployment rate in the 20-24 year old cohort as well as other economic factors that are postponing financial and residential independence. The numbers are even worse for students who attended for-profit college programs (and who may not have even left home in the first place).

The huge boom in boomerangs has generated its fair share of pop culture angst. This phenomenon really doesn't reflect failure on the part of parents or the laziness of kids today. Transition to adulthood just seems to be more fragmented and complicated. And who wouldn't take advantage of a warm, comfortable and familiar port in the storm?

But coddling can stunt development and over-managing isn't the best way to monitor the investment you've made in your kids. Here are some ideas that will eventually help you reap the dividends:

Have a serious conversation. Understand why your emerging adult is moving back and how you feel about it. It will be best for everyone if, early on, expectations are similar. Watch out for triangulation - that is, identifying any one of you as the problem and aligning one against the other. It's common for relationships to shift as you all work to accommodate these changes. You need to be prepared for less privacy and spontaneity as well as new patterns of interacting and parenting.

Establish accountability and boundaries. Negotiate household chores and financial obligations upfront. Having rules in place will ease the transition and smooth out the day-to-day interactions. As your kids have been on their own and independent, clarify issues around curfew, checking in and sleepovers. And set limits together, as adults.

Do you have a boomerang kid moving back in? Click on "Comments" below to share your concerns and solutions. Log on Wednesday for more practical ideas that can help your family make it work.

Revisiting the Courage of Captain Sully Sullenberger

As members of the sandwich generation, you may have your hands full with the challenges of parents growing older and kids growing up. But that's no reason to neglect what you need.

Perhaps there's a goal you've wanted to reach for a long time - start a small business, rekindle an old friendship, run a 5K? When you think about working toward a goal and the inevitable changes that go along with that, you may wonder: How do I access my strengths? What can help me grow? Who will I be then?

There are a lot of people we can look to who have had the courage to reach deep inside and make something happen. Take, for example, Captain Chesley (Sully) Sullenberger, the pilot who landed the passenger jet on the Hudson River. Bravery and humility - often at the heart of fairy tales - are qualities that can inspire all of us to be the best that we can be. And, with the doom and gloom of the economic crisis, we want to feel hopeful again.

Learn to be as prepared as possible ahead of time. Sullenberger was ready. He's a former air force fighter pilot, an expert in safety reliability methods and has 40 years of flying experience. Although you may not need training for an emergency landing, you can become equipped for what lies ahead. If you're making an important presentation at work, setting guidelines for your kidult who can't find a job and is moving back home or talking to your dad about giving up the car keys, learn as much as you can about the issues. Research the subject, write out talking points and get feedback from those whose opinions you value.

This week on the blog we'll be writing short vignettes about people whose names you probably recognize. In their stories, you’ll find practical tips about drawing on your own strengths to create the life you want. Try on these strategies and see how they can work for you.

If you want to read more about Captain Sullenberger and his remarkable act of courage, sign the email list to the left of this post and download our free ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned. And if you would like to stay in touch with him, you can follow Sully on his Facebook page.

A New Age of Anxiety and Stress

The mid- 20th century was known as the age of anxiety - spawning even an epic poem, a symphony and a ballet bearing that name. If you were a Baby Boomer growing up in the '50's, you probably learned to 'drop and cover' or even had a family bomb shelter to help cope with the existential fears of nuclear holocaust.

Now into only the first ten years of the 21st century, anxiety and stress levels have risen again at a monumental rate. A national health survey found that 75% of the general population experiences at least some stress every two weeks, with half of these rated at moderate or high levels. Our fears about terrorism, financial collapse, and global warming are mixed with our reactions to the devastating effects of natural disasters - earthquakes, flooding, hurricanes, and tsunamis.

The result of these real catastrophes is magnified by the 24/7 coverage of them by cable and Internet news services, leaving many of us feeling anxious, stressed and emotionally exhausted. As uncomfortable as you may feel, what you are experiencing is a normal response to an abnormal situation. Stress is a reaction by the body to an enormous demand placed on it. And those in the Sandwich Generation know about the extreme pressures of caring for their growing children and aging parents - all the while trying to stay above water.

There is a wide range of reactions and symptoms of stress and anxiety. Have you noticed any of these yourself?

Physical reactions such as: sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, headaches, body tension - being just plain jittery with a pounding heart and a knot in your stomach;

Emotional responses such as: anxiety, fear, frustration, feelings of vulnerability - the recognition of being unable to control the situation;

Cognitive changes such as: confusion, forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, hyper-vigilance - finding you really can't think as clearly as before;

Behavioral reactions such as: isolation, irritability, restlessness, impatience, aggressive behavior - avoiding or pushing away friends and family.

If you are dealing with these kinds of symptoms, join us this week as we share some strategies and techniques for resolving your stress levels and reducing your anxiety. And click on the post title above to take you to our article, How to Turn a Crisis into a Challenge, on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com.

Financial Uncertainty can Trigger Marital Problems

Are you and your spouse worried in these times of financial uncertainty? During any economic crisis, couples have to face tough financial decisions. This can lead to an increase in stress and exacerbate problems that may already exist in your marriage.



Identify what you are feeling. As a first step, write down the emotions that now regularly surface. What is happening between you and your partner when you are feeling sad, scared, overwhelmed, embarrassed or frustrated? Chances are you have emotions ranging from disappointment to anger, and these are constantly changing. Don't worry - this is perfectly normal. But understanding what you feel and why can be the first step toward improving your situation.

Click on the title of this post to read an article from www.HerMentorCenter.com - Boomer Couples and Change: Re-examining your Relationship.

Relationships and Troubling Economic Times

Troubling economic times like these can take their toll on relationships. You may be worried about ending up like Brenda and Eddie, the couple in Billy Joel's song, Scenes from an Italian Restaurant:

They started to fight
when the money got tight
and they just didn't count on the tears.

But unlike Brenda and Eddie, who 'got a divorce as a matter of course,' that may not be an option. Many couples can't possibly sell their home in a depressed market, pay steep lawyers' fees or make ends meet without sharing expenses.

Of course, a perfect marriage would be free of financial controversy. But during this economic crisis, the reality is that you need to learn new money management skills and face tough financial decisions – while at the same time making your relationship work. Not an easy task. We'll be sharing practical tips all week that will give you and your marriage a better chance.

Get started right now by clicking on the title above - that will take you to www.HerMentorCenter.com and an article about Five Tips for Fighting Fair.

Rediscover Your Values and Lift Your Spirits

All week we've been writing about the impact of the economic crisis on the day-to-day lives of sandwiched boomers - and what you can do about it. Readers have repeatedly told us they're tired of turning on the radio or t.v. or picking up a paper and finding bad news. Is your financial situation wearing you down?

We're going to leave you with a new idea to think about. Spring is on the horizon, so how about planting a garden? It takes some person power but not a lot of money. It's low cost fun that the whole family can enjoy. Working together always teaches you something about others. And it's an excellent way to bond. You may even decide to grow your own vegetables to help feed the family. And a natural extension of that is cooking and eating together.

If life is hard right now, discover an interest that picks up your spirits. If gardening isn't your thing, pursue an inexpensive activity that will bring your family together. One of the most important gifts in times like these is getting back to basic values. Click on the title of this post to read an article about what we can all learn from Tim Russert about values. Why not spend some time rediscovering yours?

Captain Sullenberger and a Need for Heroes

Bravery and humility - often at the heart of fairy tales – are qualities that can inspire all of us to be the best that we can be. And, with the doom and gloom of the economic crisis, we were primed and about ready for a miracle. People want to feel hopeful again.

Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger III safely landed a US Airways flight 1549 with 155 passengers and crew onboard in the Hudson River when the plane encountered problems after takeoff. Everyone survived. A spokesman for the U.S. Airline Pilots Association says that Sullenberger acted 'very calm and cool, very relaxed, just very professional.' Apparently he was the last one off the plane, walking down the aisles two times to make sure no one was left on board. Now that's a hero.

Even in these difficult economic times, there is much to be grateful for. As we appreciate our blessings, we can focus on what we can do as individuals to make our world a better place for all. Today we are highlighting two projects.

Dina Lynch Eisenberg of www.thismarriagething.com has started what she calls The Gratitude Project. She describes it as "my challenge to bring more love and appreciation into the world during a tough time." The idea is to say thank you to your spouse - or partner, friend, co-worker - three times a day for the next 10 days. Then reflect on how that experience has changed both you and your relationship. You can send your comments to her blog as well as to us here. Sharing your appreciation creates good feelings for everyone.

For most of us, the coming holiday season means spending time with family. But what about those who are separated from theirs? Bloggers Unite have created what is a global initiative designed to express support of human rights for refugees. They are supporting Refugees United, which provides an online, highly secure and anonymous possibility of refugees to reconnect with their families. Visit www.unite.blogcatalog.com to learn more about this worldwide problem and what you can do to help.

As Americans, we are especially grateful to the men and women who have protected and served us and our country. We honor them all every day - and especially tomorrow on Veteran's Day - and offer them our deepest thanks.

The effects of the financial crisis continue to spread across America and around the world - mortgages are labeled "toxic," banks are taken over, stock markets roller-coaster up and down with dizzying speed, credit is frozen, and bankruptcies are declared. How will all this affect you? No one can predict with certainty the long-term effects on the economy, but the pundits agree that coordinated efforts will be the best response to the meltdown.

In the spirit of joining together, this week we want to share with you some of the concerns our readers have expressed at our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com. In these uncertain times, you may find yourself in the same situation. Today, we highlight two women who have been dealing with job loss.

Vera tells us she tries to accept what is going on, finds comfort in her spirituality and uses humor to help her cope. "I turned 50 in June. I Iost my job due to the owner selling and the new owner had his own team. It seems that everyone wants a fresh-faced college kid and experience means very little. I am searching and applying for jobs but going through a lot of disappointment. It is getting harder and harder to remain positive as I watch my retirement dwindle to almost nothing and still no job in sight."

Tina says she turns to her family and friends for support and tries to take better care of herself as she pursues her job search. "After losing my job last March, I don't know what to do. I would really like to totally change my career, but with little money and even less of an idea as to what I want to do next I am stuck! I tend to get depressed, but try to at least do some research and get information everyday. I know no one can fix this mess but me."

The process of women coming together and sharing their wisdom has long been recognized as a positive approach for achieving solutions. Do you have any advice for Vera and Tina? What worked for you when you were faced with job loss? Please let us - and your fellow Sandwiched Boomers - hear from you. We are all in this together!

No one can deny that the national conversation has become depressing. Sandwiched Boomers, with the responsibilitty of caring for their children and parents, are scared about the deep economic propblems. Some find it difficult to get up in the morning when all they hear about is tumbling home prices, an increase in unemployment and the falling stock market. Pundits exclaim that the American dream is dying on the vine and that we are all suffering from bankrupt spirits.

Even though our country is going through a very difficult time, the worst thing to do is panic. Cultural pain is common and normal in crisis and, as a nation, we are now being adversity-tested. After all, isn't necessity the mother of invention? As you rise to the challenges this week, we will be offering tips to help you develop your inner strength and resiliency.

You know about physical fitness. Apply some of these principals to becoming more psychologically fit. Examine your usual pattern and begin an emotional training program. In addition to paying attention to nutritious eating and regular exercise, examine the negative concerns that get your attention. Notice how dwelling on these make you feel worse about yourself and the situation. It's time to stop these thoughts. And begin to discover the active steps you can take to change them from negative to more positive - or, at least, find ways to neutralize them.