Sandwich Generation:Single on Valentines Day

Members of the Sandwich Generation have a lot on their plates. And if you're single, you're likely handling the challenges of parents growing older and children growing up by yourself. At times, this can be overwhelming. Is it even more difficult for you when certain days like February 14th roll around?

Valentines Day is a romantic time for couples - a special day to express love. But it can also put pressure on people who, every other day of the year, are perfectly fine with their single status. Are you one of the millions of singles who is lonely on this day? Feeling alienated or insecure may leave you depressed - and worried that you don't have the energy or motivation to do what is in your best interests.

But you don't have to react like that. Although you can't control whether or not you have a romantic attachment at this time, you can control how you handle Valentines Day. Log on all week - we'll be sharing tips that can help you put this one day a year in perspective and take your stress level down a notch.

Want to get started today? Clicking on the title of this post will take to our website, Her Mentor Center, and an article about how to beat the blues.

The Sandwich Generation: 2010 Relationship Resolutions

For the past couple of weeks, we've been blogging about Sandwiched Boomers and the different aspects of the New Year's resolutions they make. So now that we're well into January, how are you doing? You know, setting goals in the love department are just as important as the ones about losing weight or getting your finances in shape. So even though you may already be working toward other goals, don't put your relationship on the back burner.

Instead of accentuating the positives, the advice from couples' research often focuses on minimizing the negatives - don't nag, don't withhold sex, don't overreact, don't try to control. But why not focus your resolutions on the do's instead of don'ts? Positive emotions can open you up to new possibilities.

If you want to actively enrich your love relationship, log on all week - we'll be sharing practical tips on how to go about it. And click on the title above to get started - it will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article about how Baby Boomers can re-examine their relationships.

Making Your Own List

Now that the year is ending and the '00 decade is coming to c close, pundits have been opining about all kinds of topics. You can find a list of the 10 films of 2009 most likely to be nominated for an Academy Award, the 20 most interesting books, or the 50 best songs of the decade. In addition to spending some of your spare time reading through these lists, how about taking some personal time this week to create your own list – of your 10 most important assets?

It may seem unusual for you, a member of the Sandwich Generation, to concentrate on yourself instead of on the needs of your growing children or aging parents. But take a deep breath, put your feet up for a moment and allow yourself to focus on and embrace your own development at this pivotal time.

Creating your asset inventory will give you a leg up on beginning the next decade from a position of power, but how do you begin? To help you, we've created a short list to help you focus on your assets - not the financial ones, which may still be down, but the personal strengths you own. Use this process to discover some of your hidden passions. Reflect on your answers or discuss them with a trusted friend as you create an expanded sense of yourself. Whether or not you're a Sandwiched Boomer, be sure to tune in all week for our tips to get you started.

If you've had trouble in the past taking the first step toward change, click on the post title above. It takes you to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com where you'll find Sandwiched Boomers: 7 Tips on Fighting Inertia, with its suggestions for overcoming these hurdles.

Morocco, Thanksgiving and our Thanks to You

There are so many different ways that the Moroccan people creatively express themselves - through their carpets, jewelry, ceramics, wood carvings, leather goods. The winding alleyways of the souks are full of local artwork. The kiosks are colorful and the vendors thankful for your interest in what they do.

And on this important holiday we have a lot to be thankful for even in these hard times. As always, members of the sandwich generation, we're thankful to have you involved in the work we do. Our heartfelt wishes to you and your family for the best Thanksgiving!

Family Life in Morocco

I'm back from two weeks in Morocco and want to savor the experience, so I hope it's OK if I share some of my photos and impressions with you this week. Please feel free to click on 'Comments' at the bottom of this post and tell us your travel stories as well.

Morocco is the kind of country I love to visit, where the almost medieval-like hustle and bustle is a world away from my own life. The culture is so different from what I know and the sights, sounds, smells and tastes are like a wakeup call to the senses. Here's a photo of a grandfather treating his grandchild to an ice cream cone while he's babysitting.

This one is of three generations of the same family selling ceramic pots in the local market. As you can see, just like in our country, the Sandwich Generation is front and center.

Meet our guide, Jamal, and his wife, Fouzia. Hospitality is a part of the Moroccan culture and we spent an evening in their home in Marrakesh, talking with them and their three daughters. Traditionally men take to the streets and women are in charge of the home. Although Fouzia has a Ph.D. in languages, she sees her primary job as raising the girls. Jamel said that, especially since he travels so much, she holds the power in the family.

Despite the language barrier, women speak a universal body language. And it was apparent that, underneath the traditional clothes, she is much like you and me – working hard, concerned about her children and parents, loving her family.

We want you to know that on Tuesday, November 24 at 10am Pacific/1pm Eastern, Line Brunet will be interviewing us on her Family Focus radio show about the Sandwich Generation. If you want to listen and/or download it afterwards, please log on www.blogtalkradio.com/familyfocuscoach

The Empty Nest and the Sandwich Generation

For those of you in the Sandwich Generation, there are lots of circumstances that lead to an empty nest - your growing children moving to college, moving away to take a job or moving into marriage or a committed life with a partner. And any of these situations may require major role shifts for all the family.

Watch the video below about a transition that unfortunately resulted in problems for everyone. But if you read the August blog posts we suggest, you'll see that that there are solutions.



Accept your ambivalence about the empty nest. Discuss your situation with friends who care about what you're going through. You'll discover that you have a lot in common and that they feel the same about their own experiences. That can be validating and comforting. Practice letting go. Try to visualize one door closing and another door opening.

Clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article about what you can learn from President Obama's Mother-in-law. Then, at the top lefthand corner of that article, you'll see "Return to Home Page." Click on that and then on Newsletter Library and Nourishing Relationships for more tips about adapting to other role changes.

Staycations Our Readers Have Enjoyed

Some great Staycation ideas have been shared with us this week by readers across the Untied States. You are welcome to try some of them out yourselves this summer.

A reader from Los Angeles had a unique Staycation activity. "We took a tour of the subway system in Los Angeles. We got off on each stop and looked at the art work in the station. It was really fun for all of us - the kids thought it was a blast!"

We heard from a Chicago reader who plans to repeat one of her favorite activities from last summer. "My husband and I are planning to take the train downtown for a free concert at Millennium Park. We really enjoyed it last summer."

One reader from St. Louis says, "We like to sit in the "cheap seats" at the back of the Muny Opera. It's a great way to enjoy a summer evening - sitting outside, listening to pretty music, and watching the stars."

Another tip for low cost performances comes from a reader in New York. "In Times Square you can line up to get tickets to Broadway shows at half price for performances that day. It takes time, but it's well worth it to save that much money on the tickets."

A mother writes in about last year's Staycation with her kids. "Last summer we did a staycation for the first time. We had a great time doing all sorts of things. But the best was getting a new family pet for the kids. They wanted a dog but my husband is allergic so we compromised on a fish. We all went to the library and then to the pet store to decide on which one to get. The kids learned how to clean the fish bowl, how often to feed the fish, who they named "Swimmy," and even about the life cycle of fish. It's been a year now and Swimmy is still a part of our family. The kids enjoy him (?) every day. We are planning another staycation for this summer. Thanks for some new ideas."


Sally Wendkos Olds, author of "Super Granny" had visited our blog for a Virtual Book Tour on April 30. Now she has added a Comment about some vacation plans she has with her family next month. "I enjoyed reading your post and also your article about family "staycations." In about 4 weeks we'll be taking daughters and granddaughters for a week's vacation on the New Jersey shore. We'll be going to the same community we've been going to for the past ten years, where we've built memories, created crafts items that we all still use, and given the sisters and the cousins a chance to spend time with each other in a setting where people can pretty much come and go as they please since we're close enough for everyone to walk alone to the beach. Every time we talk about doing something else for the week, we can never come up with anything we like as well."

Now that you have heard lots of good ideas for low cost vacations and Staycations, plan to get out there this summer and enjoy yourselves!

What's the old saying - if you don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going? Being comfortable in your relationship feels awfully good - but functioning on automatic pilot can get you into trouble. For some couples in the Sandwich Generation, the impetus to examine their partnership comes from the different energies that each wants to invest in family, career or leisure.

Don is torn between his own needs and those of his wife: "We're at different junctures right now.She worked part-time in nursing when our children were young. Over the years she has discovered a passion for business and recently started her own medical registry. The problem for me is, now that she's so immersed in her work, I want to cut back and spend more time together. I'm not sure how we can find a balance."

If there is mutual trust in your relationship, both of you can enjoy the freedom of exploring new options and goals. With her husband’s support, Rhonda, for the first time in 22 years, has achieved space within the marriage. "I have arrived at this crossroad with more confidence and trust in my personal choices. I just hope that my being stronger will not weaken our marriage.”

Think about where your marriage weighs in on the scale of transitions. Over the next couple of days we'll be looking at the various mid-life changes that can destabilize or re-energize a relationship.

We want to thank you for helping us achieve our goals in 2007. By your subscribing to our newsletters and reading our blog, we are encouraged to continue speaking out to Sandwiched Boomers. Our very best wishes for 2008 - we hope it's a year where you engage your passion so that your dreams can come true.

One of our most precious commitments, as Sandwiched Boomers, is to embrace and care for family. This holding and nurturance is the biological heritage of women.

During the next few days of reflection, we have the choice of believing in the possibility of change. And at the beginning of this new year, we can join together and reafffirm our resolve. Now is the time to master our personal conflicts, to love wholeheartedly and to support each other as we seek to turn our concerns about family and ourselves into opportunities.