Kick Start a Gratitude Practice

We hope you read Monday's post from our guest blogger, Sherry Belul. She was full of ideas about how to get into the habit of expressing your thanks on a regular basis. If you haven't started your gratitude practice yet, here are more practical tips from Sherry.











Snits
Another great place to introduce gratitude is an unexpected one: when we’re in a snit! It might seem counterintuitive, but when you get to a place in your day where it feels frustrating, depressing, or all-tangled-up, you can take a deep breath, close your eyes, and imagine something you’re really grateful about. Usually for me, I like to think of the last time my son and I shared something really funny or when we’re snuggled in bed and I’m reading to him. Turning my attention to gratitude for something so essential in my life helps put everything in perspective. When I open my eyes, I can more calmly address that computer snafu or the blown-out tire on the car! Sometimes, when I’m feeling really expansive, I’m able to find some gratitude within my fitful situation: “Well, the tire’s blown out, but wow, I’m grateful to own a car.”

Misses
Misses are similar to snits in that these are places in our lives where at first glance it might seem hard to find any gratitude. This is part of the magic. Look for times throughout your day when you feel longing or sadness for something you don’t have, then quick-as-a-wink, you can turn that feeling around by feeling gratitude. For me, it might begin like this: “I’m really depressed that I don’t get to see my mom as often as I’d like.” When I notice that “something’s missing” thought, I turn it around: “I really love my mom. I’m so grateful to have her in my life. I think I’ll call her to tell her I love her.” Bingo. I shifted from “something’s wrong” to “something’s wonderful.”

Wishes
I leaned this place of gratitude from my son when he was three. He was sitting in front of his birthday cake, ready to blow out the candles, when I offered the usual, “Make a wish, honey.” He blew out the candles and I said, “What’d you wish for?” He smiled broadly and proclaimed, “A birthday cake.” Amazing. That moment changed my life. Throughout the days, ever since, I remind myself to wish for things I already have and love. I wish for a witty and fun son. I wish for an apartment in a city I love. I wish for fresh running water. I wish for the ability to do yoga. Watch how fun it is to wish for something and receive it immediately. It’s like having our very own magic Aladdin Lamp!

Gifts
Gift giving occasions are one of the best ways to experience gratitude. And they’re easy ways to include the family. Here’s what you do: next time you need a special gift for someone close to you, set aside ten or fifteen minutes to just think about that person. Let yourself re-experience all the things you love about them and all the shared times you’re grateful for. Let yourself receive the joy of who this person is to you. Then, on your own, or with your family, create a gift that expresses that gratitude. Maybe you all sit around the table together and make a list of what you love about that person and then present it on a scroll or in a hand-made book. Maybe you decide you’re going to each write a letter that includes your favorite memories of that person. Then you bind the letters or you record video of each of you reading them. Maybe you make a book of gift certificates that are things that person needs: help with babysitting or lawn mowing or computer trouble-shooting. There’s an old Jewish saying, “What comes from the heart is received by the heart.” And the beauty of this is that the gratitude you express in your gift will be received not only by the recipient, but also by your own heart.

Email Sherry to tell her your gratitude practice experiences or learn about the one-of-a-kind tribute books she makes at celebrate@Madmoon.com. You can also sign up for Simply Celebrate’s free newsletter.

Giving Thanks - All Year Round

Today, we're delighted to welcome a guest blogger, Sherry Richert Belul. Sherry, mom to a witty and wonderful 10-year-old boy and founder of SimplyCelebrate.net, shares her secrets about giving thanks. Like Martin Luther King, She has a dream - to bring more gratitude into the world.

Some of the best moments of parenthood are those first recognizable words that pop out of our children’s mouths. You know: When ma-ma-mamoo shifts into a solid, “Mama” and it’s obvious that his “dee-dee” refers to the fluffy kitty he is patting with pudgy hand. Usually it isn’t too long after those first thrilling words, that we begin teaching our children the dynamic duo, “Thank you.” (Usually parroted in the oh-so-endearing, “tank-you.”)

Ours is a polite society and it doesn’t take long for children to catch on to saying “thank you” when someone offers them something or does something nice for them. It becomes an automatic response. As well, it’s fabulous that our country has deemed the last Thursday in November as an annual day of thanks. Those two things are so wonderful. But they’re actually just the very tips of the great gratitude iceberg.

In my own life I’ve learned that it’s possible to create an ongoing practice for myself and my family that is a conscious effort to bring gratitude into our lives throughout the day, in a variety of ways. I promise you, if you commit to trying just a couple of these practices for just a couple weeks, you’ll experience the magic of gratitude. Because here’s the secret: every single time we pause to express gratitude for something in our lives, we get to experience receiving that thing all over again. When we’re giving thanks, we’re receiving more of what we’re grateful for. Saying thank you instantly multiples what we have!

Wanna start your own gratitude practice? Below is a “Chinese Menu” of places to begin. These are all simple things that you can incorporate into your day — and suggest to or model for your family. I hope you’ll write and let me know how it goes!

Lists
Gratitude lists are the easiest and most foolproof places to begin bringing more joy into our lives. This is what you do: first thing upon waking or last thing before going to bed, grab a piece of paper or the laptop and make a list of ten things you are grateful for in your life. Could be your daughter’s bubbly laugh. Could be that you can walk, see, or dream. Might be having a fridge full of food. Could be having shared a cup of tea with your friend. Don’t think that the items on your list have to be spectacular, like winning the lottery! In fact, the more we can allow ourselves to feel grateful for the everyday things in our lives, the more things we have to be grateful for!

Lists are a great way to involve your family. In our house, before our meals we go around the table once or twice and each list something we’re grateful for. You can also set aside a time before bed or in the morn when your family writes your list of ten things silently together but then share an item or two that you each wrote down. (Or if the kids are small, you can go around in a circle and share verbally!)

Glitz
Something go your way? Did you get some praise or a raise at work? Find a parking spot at the busy shopping center? Your four-year-old eat some broccoli? You slipped, but didn’t get hurt? Take a moment to offer thanks for these kinds of sparkly moments. Lots of times, I’ll just stop for a few seconds, look at the sky, and whisper “thank you.” Not only does it offer us a chance to truly experience our good fortune, but also I’ve found that it reinforces my desire to look for or create more glitzy situations!

Log on again Wednesday – Sherry will tell us lots more ways to express our gratitude.You can sign up for Simply Celebrate’s free newsletter at www.SimplyCelebrate.net. And learn more about Sherry's ebook, "Present Perfect: It Really is the Thought That Counts," that includes dozens of no-to-low cost gifts that are fun to make and full of love.

Is it Hard for You to Express Gratitude?

You can type it out in a few keystrokes. It's just one short syllable. Why, then, is it so difficult to say thanks? We are often focused on ourselves - Galileo may have proved that the earth revolved around the sun but most of us secretly believe that the world itself revolves around us. It is sometimes hard to pull out of that orbit and become more aware of the contributions of others. And we all tend to take good things for granted. Humans instinctively pay more attention to threats to their safety than they do to situations of security and pleasure. We are less likely to notice supportive behaviors, so positive acts are often ignored.

Other times we think that, by recognizing family members for their generosity, they are less likely to notice what they could appreciate about us. But giving thanks is not a zero sum game. Actually, expressing gratitude leads to positive effects for both the sender and the receiver. But any change in behavior is difficult - and establishing life-long habits takes conscious repetitions. It may be hard to make the commitment to building this new skill, but it is well worth the effort.

We offer our own thanks to Barbara Friesner, generational coach, for hosting us on her radio show, Age Wise Living, on the Voice America Talk Radio Networklast week. To listen to the whole show, click on the title above. You can hear our discussion of Healing the Rifts in Family Relationships on your computer or download it to your mp3 player or itunes. And let us know if you have any questions or comments about our interview - it highlighted some major issues for those of you in the Sandwich Generation who are caring for aging parents.

How was your Thanksgiving?

How was your Thanksgiving? For many Sandwiched Boomers, Thanksgiving was spent with family and friends gathered around the table. Most spent a few moments expressing their gratitude for the gifts of love and friendship they enjoy as well as for the many blessings bestowed on them. Saying thank you is one of the first phrases parents try to teach their children, but as adults - especially in this cruel economy - it is often difficult for us to express our gratitude.

We know that in 1621, the Pilgrims first spent a day of giving thanks for their abundance in the "new world." But it took over 100 years, not until 1777, when all of the 13 colonies joined together in a one-time thanksgiving celebration. And it was another 12 years later, in 1789, that President George Washington proclaimed a National Day of Thanksgiving. Why did it take so long - 168 years - to establish a holiday that now seems to be the favorite among Americans? Maybe it's harder than you think to say, "thank you." We'll look into that all this week.

Even with the harsh economic news - jobless rates way up and the stock market remaining somewhat down - we can still find a lot to be grateful about, especially during the holidays. Families and friends traditionally draw together for support in times of crisis and this year is no different. The gift of appreciation - a heartfelt thank you - can be a daily present this holiday season for those you love. And the cost won't cut into your tight budget at all.

If you want to make some changes in the way your family and friends celebrate the holidays this year, click on the post title above. You'll find some tips for creating new holiday rituals in our article, What the Sandwich Generation Brings to the Holiday Table.

Captain Sullenberger and Gratitude

Captain Sullenberger landed the plane in the Hudson River near two ferry terminals. Rescue boats appeared within minutes to take the 150 passengers and five crew members to safety. When the pilot got official confirmation that everyone had survived, he felt like "the weight of the universe had been lifted off my heart."

Express your gratitude often. One airplane passenger, on a rescue raft in the frigid cold, went up to Sullenberger, grabbed his arm and said 'thank you on behalf of all of us.' Those are the moments in life that create a lasting impression. Try it yourself. Say thank you to a family member, a friend or a colleague. You'll see that others will feel more valued and you'll benefit from putting your appreciation into words. Studies show that gratitude helps you attain a better mood, increased self-esteem and a greater sense of connection to the world.

Several days ago the crew met some of the passengers and their relatives at a reunion in Charlotte, N.C., the destination of Flight 1549. "More than one woman came up to Sully and told him "Thank you for not making me a widow" or "Thank you for allowing my son to have a father."

The comment by one of our readers about The Gratitude Project, got me thinking. Laneris said, "To my mind appreciation and saying thank you is of high priority in a relationship. You should try show it to people not for the next 10 days but for all your life."

It started me wondering, Why is is so difficult to say thank you? Why do we need to be reminded to be appreciative for a mere 10 days of the year? As Laneris noted, of course it would be relevant to always express your thanks to someone with whom you share something as meaningful as a relationship. It would seem that your good feelings about that person would spill over into your consciousness and make it more likely for you to notice and acknowledge positive behaviors by him or her. Yet the truth is that we often fail to recognize what our significant others do for us. Let's look at some reasons why:

We take things for granted.Humans instinctively pay more attention to threats to their safety than they do to situations of ease and security. We are less likely to notice a supportive behavior so positive acts are often ignored.

We are often focused on ourselves. Galileo may have proved that the earth revolved around the sun but most of us secretly believe that the world itself revolves around us. It is sometimes hard to pull out of that orbit and become aware of the capabilities and needs of other's around us.

We view the giving of thanks as a zero sum game.It may seem that when you are thanking your partner for the generous way he or she treats you, they are less likely to notice what they could appreciate in your behavior. In truth, the expression of gratitude leads to positive effects for both the giver and the receiver.

Any change in behavior is difficult. Building life-long habits takes conscious repetitions. It may be hard to make the commitment to building this new skill, but it is well worth the energy it takes.

Let us hear from you about your reactions to expressing your thanks. Tune in tomorrow for some tips about bringing gratitude into your life. And check out The Gratitude Project at www.thismarriagething.com yourself.

Yesterday we introduced you to The Gratitude Project, a timely idea created by Dina Lynch Eisenberg, who blogs at www.thismarriagething.com. Join her in conscious appreciation of those who bring joy and meaning into your life. Here are some additional tips she passes along to help you participate in spreading gratitude around and enjoying the feelings it creates.

Say a sincere thank you to your spouse, partner or someone significant in your life three times per day for the next 10 days. Your goal is to catch him or her doing something helpful, wonderful, kind and say thanks right then. Observe how doing this changes your feelings about yourself and your spouse. Be alert for how this impacts your relationship and let us know.

Keep track of any extra hugs, kisses or affectionate pats. How great would it be if the Gratitude Project resulted in a wave of love? Don’t forget to include that in your comments.

Share your experiences and thoughts about the Project here on our blog. We will do a roundup of responses on or around November 18th and pass them on to Dina. We expect we'll learn a lot from each other about this experience.

Tell other people and ask them to join the Gratitude Project. Forward this post to friends and family as well as to your social network. The more people, the more love- and we all know what a force for good love can be, right?

Why not take the experiment even further? Try thanking random strangers! Increasing our sense of connection and kindness to each other is part of how we’ll survive through the current crises.

Be sure to visit www.thismarriagething.com to hear more about the Gratitude Project and how it is affecting the participants.

We want to thank you for helping us achieve our goals in 2007. By your subscribing to our newsletters and reading our blog, we are encouraged to continue speaking out to Sandwiched Boomers. Our very best wishes for 2008 - we hope it's a year where you engage your passion so that your dreams can come true.