Grandmothers Value Special Holiday Celebrations

Now that we are into December, the holiday season has begun in earnest, prompting grandmothers into action as they search for ways to prepare for holiday celebrations with the grandkids. Chanukah begins tonight and Christmas and Kwanzaa are just over three weeks away. So we've got more tips today about how to enjoy the holidays with your grandchildren, whether they live close to you or far away.

When your grandkids live nearby, you benefit by being an integral part of their lives. You likely have the chance to spend time with them weekly, participate in significant events and learn first-hand about their latest interests and achievements. The main concern then becomes boundaries - on all sides. It's vital for you not to undermine your adult children's authority, even if you pitch in to help with child-care. And it's just as imperative for you to retain your own personal identity and not become submerged in the role of grandmother only. You'll enjoy the relationship more when you also have some separation from it.

When you are part of the special kind of grandmothering that is becoming more common today, flexibility is the key. If you son or daughter has divorced, you might lose some contact with your grandchild, especially if the situation between the parents is strained. You may need to maintain a relationship with your child's ex in order to spend time with your grandkids - it helps to discuss this with your own child, as this can be a touchy subject. Your time with the grandkids is likely determined by which parent has them that day, not when you want to see them. So you'll need to be flexible in your planning. Divorce is difficult for everyone and your grandkids may blame themselves and act out behaviorally, making it difficult for you to manage them. Or they may withdraw from you, afraid that you will leave too. Help them adapt by accepting their feelings. Avoid criticizing either parent to your grandkids so they don't feel their loyalty is being tested when they are with you. You can get some ideas about celebrating holidays with your grandchildren post-divorce in an article we wrote for the website Divorce360.com.

Patience is called for if you become a step-grandmother. You will need to give your new grandchildren time to accept you, so begin slowly. They probably have relationships - and holiday rituals - with their birth grandparents so don't try to rush them into considering you in the same way. Let them know that you are not trying to take the place of their other grandparents, but only adding to their circle of caring adults. Learn about them - their early years, their interests and talents, their personalities. Keep your expectations realistic as you build a relationship that leads to love between you. And talk to your children about possibly adding new traditions your family holiday meal that include everyone.

The unifying concept for good grandmothering is respect - for your children, their partners, your grandkids - and for yourself. Show that you appreciate and value each individual's needs and rights - especially at holiday time. When you do that, you set the stage for building strong bonds between everyone in the family all through the year.

Tips for Grandmothers During the Holidays

This time of year, the role of grandmother can be most rewarding, especially if you and you grandchild spend some of the winter holidays together. Ours just visited for Thanksgiving and we all enjoyed being together to celebrate. While buying and giving presents is important, the most significant gift you can give your grandchild is your presence, attention and love. And you know the best gift you can receive back is a great big hug. For some budget-friendly and fun activities to do with your grandkids this holiday season, here's 100 free things to choose from.

'Grand Mothers' come in all sizes and shapes, as well as names - Grandma, Nana, Bubbe, Granny, or whatever special name your grandkids have for you. Grandchildren may live near or far; be in preschool, grade school, college or beyond; from intact or blended families. What grandmothers share in common is a deep desire to maintain a loving bond with their grandchildren. Here are some tips for creating enriched relationships:

When your grandchildren live far away, the most salient issue is developing connections. You probably don't have the opportunity to see them more than every few months, particularly in this economy. You will likely need to enlist the aid of your adult children to help you form the bonds between you and their kids. How you connect will change as they grow and will certainly flow from your own interests and creative talents. Whatever you choose, your efforts will be well worth it when you see how excited they get when you visit. For some new ideas about connecting at a distance, take a look the article on our HerMentorCenter.com website, Create Meaningful Bonds with Your Grandchildren across the Miles.

When your grandkids are babies, help them develop a full impression of you. You can best do this by using all the sensations that babies respond to. Let them begin to identify your voice by cooing to them on the phone or sending them tapes or CD's with you singing, reading or speaking to them. They can begin to recognize your face from pictures of you in their room or on the computer via iChat or Skype. Have a special song or book that you share with them as you cuddle on each visit. Wear the same perfume - or even a dab of vanilla – whenever you visit so that they learn to associate that with you.

Even if you can't spend the holidays together, continue to use phone calls, letters, cards, texting and emails to stay in touch. After a visit, you can create a scrapbook for them of pictures and souvenirs from your time together. Their memories of you will be enhanced when they have something tangible to look at and savor over and over again, like Family Photo Books. You can write them stories or poems about what you do together, with them as the star of the piece.

During the rest of the year, learn about your grandchildren's activities and interests so you can engage with them about topics that mean a lot to them. Pay attention to their friends when you go to their birthday parties, sports events or special occasions - then you can ask about them later when you have returned home. Integrate what you find out and keep up with their changing activities. All of your efforts will help cement the connections between you.

Check back with us again on Wednesday when we’ll have some more tips for you grandmothers to put in place this holiday season.

Thanksgiving is More Than Turkey Day

With Thanksgiving just a week away, are you busy making shopping lists, planning menus and creating seating charts? What about also setting aside some time to reflect? Think about the people, experiences and circumstances for which you are thankful. The stress of preparing for the holidays sometimes stands in the way of focusing on all we have to be thankful for - so take a deep breath and step back for a moment to relish, with gratitude, the gifts of family and friends. To help you begin, you'll find some tips for reducing holiday stress on our website.

Even with a difficult economy, we can still find a lot to be grateful about, especially during the holidays, when families and friends traditionally draw together. Let a heartfelt 'thank you' be your mantra during this season - you can do it without making a dent in your budget. And, having just observed Veterans Day, please remember those serving our country, who are far away from home during these holidays.

As we pay more attention to the contributions of others and learn not to take good things for granted, we are more aware of all we have to be thankful for. And conveying your gratitude can help you feel happier as well as the person you thank. Sonja Lyubomirsky and other psychologists studying happiness have found that after expressing gratitude you'll experience more contentment and improved self-esteem as well as closer connections - you'll even sleep more soundly.

If you decide to express your appreciation for what you have by giving back to your larger community, you can check your local paper or the Internet to find out what the needs are. Some families are adding a new Thanksgiving tradition this year by volunteering at a homeless shelter, serving a holiday meal at a soup kitchen, preparing or driving dinners through a meals-on-wheels program, or visiting those in hospitals and nursing homes who aren't able to celebrate with family. Talk with your family and friends about what they'd like to do.

Visit us again later this week when we'll have some tips about how to focus on reducing your stress and acknowledging your gratitude as you get ready for Thanksgiving this year.

Enjoying Santa's List

This holiday season choose to focus on recognizing everything you are thankful for. We've done that in our article, 5 Steps to Gratitude Despite a Tough Economy - you can access it by clicking on the post title above.

We here at www.HerMentorCenter.com hope you enjoy the family time that his national holiday allows and we wish a very Merry Christmas to those who are celebrating today.

How was your Thanksgiving?

How was your Thanksgiving? For many Sandwiched Boomers, Thanksgiving was spent with family and friends gathered around the table. Most spent a few moments expressing their gratitude for the gifts of love and friendship they enjoy as well as for the many blessings bestowed on them. Saying thank you is one of the first phrases parents try to teach their children, but as adults - especially in this cruel economy - it is often difficult for us to express our gratitude.

We know that in 1621, the Pilgrims first spent a day of giving thanks for their abundance in the "new world." But it took over 100 years, not until 1777, when all of the 13 colonies joined together in a one-time thanksgiving celebration. And it was another 12 years later, in 1789, that President George Washington proclaimed a National Day of Thanksgiving. Why did it take so long - 168 years - to establish a holiday that now seems to be the favorite among Americans? Maybe it's harder than you think to say, "thank you." We'll look into that all this week.

Even with the harsh economic news - jobless rates way up and the stock market remaining somewhat down - we can still find a lot to be grateful about, especially during the holidays. Families and friends traditionally draw together for support in times of crisis and this year is no different. The gift of appreciation - a heartfelt thank you - can be a daily present this holiday season for those you love. And the cost won't cut into your tight budget at all.

If you want to make some changes in the way your family and friends celebrate the holidays this year, click on the post title above. You'll find some tips for creating new holiday rituals in our article, What the Sandwich Generation Brings to the Holiday Table.

Honoring Grandparents

When Marian McQuade worked to institute a day of recognition in the United States for the wisdom of grandparents, she was thinking about how to honor the millions of senior citizens needing loving care. Eventually becoming a grandmother of 43 herself, Ms. McQuade achieved her dream of establishing Grandparents Day. The legal document creating the celebration states that the day be set aside "... to honor grandparents, to give grandparents an opportunity to show love for their children's children, and to help children become aware of strength, information, and guidance older people can offer."

National Grandparents Day has also been designated in Canada by their House of Commons as a day "…to acknowledge their importance to the structure of the family in the nurturing, upbringing and education of children."

If you missed celebrating Grandparents Day this Sunday, you can join with the United Kingdom where grandparents are honored on the first Sunday in October or even wait until March when tribute is paid to grandparents in France. Wherever you are, know that, as grandparents, every day you play an important role of the lives of your family. Enjoy their respect and appreciation - and your official Grandparents Day flower, the forget-me-not!

We know that sometimes grandparents can be caregivers as well. It is estimated by AARP that over 4 million children are being raised by their grandparents today. If you find yourself in this situation as the primary caregiver, click on the post title above for some suggestions about how to support your children and grandchildren.

Grandparents Day

Are you a grandparent? Do you still have a grandparent? Did you know that yesterday was Grandparents Day?

It's not a very well publicized holiday, but for the last 30 years it has been one in the United States, celebrated in September on the first Sunday after Labor Day. When it was first celebrated, there were 17 million grandparents in the country, now there are more than 70 million.

Creating a day to pay tribute to grandparents was the idea of Marian McQuade, who worked with senior citizens for many years. She wanted to honor lonely grandparents in nursing homes and focus attention on their needs. She hoped that by acknowledging these seniors, it would encourage their grandchildren to look at their heritage and seek wisdom from their grandparents.

McQuade, who died last year at the age of 91, worked for eight years to accomplish her goal. Her campaign to initiate Grandparents Day is still relevant today when other private citizens are seeking a way to make their voices heard. She started locally, in her Virginia community, then was able to get the support of her Senator and three years later her Governor made it a day of celebration in the state. In the meantime, drawing on publicity from the media, she worked to encourage a resolution in Congress to commemorate grandparents. Her efforts succeeded and we now have the opportunity, on a national level, to acknowledge the important role grandparents play in family life.

If you too have a goal that drives you, don't give up when you face obstacles and setbacks. It may be frustrating for you as a Sandwiched Boomer when your efforts don't succeed at first, but if you believe in the worth of your pursuit, hang in there and give it your best. The process may be long and complex yet you will find that you gain much from your journey.

And for some fresh ideas about how to forge and nourish a strong relationship with your own grandchildren, even when they live far away, click on the post title. You will be able to read our article, Create Meaningful Bonds with Your Grandchildren Across the Miles, on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com.