Gratitude: A Healthy Thanksgiving Recipe

These are hard times. And life is hectic for all of us - especially around Thanksgiving, when we remember how our families celebrated in years past. Holiday images in the media can be seductive and exaggerated. Before you know it, you're rushing around and trying to conform to unrealistic expectations.

Photo courtesy of Jeff Ratcliff, FreeDigital Photos.net

Perhaps you're worried that old family dynamics will surface as soon as you all get together. Will the cousins wonder why your 35 year old son is moving back home? Or what if your mom's inquisitive nature scares off your daughter's new boyfriend?

Thanksgiving can be lots of fun. But it can also be about confronting old wounds, suffering through conversations with dysfunctional relatives or counting the minutes until it's over. And this can lead to emotional overload.

This year, just try to relax and refuse to focus on negative issues. As they say, 'The rocks come with the farm.' Learn to love those rocks - they make it more interesting. And consider that what you're feeling is pretty typical in all families. Sometimes it takes a holiday get-together to fully appreciate what you do have. When deciding what to bring to the Thanksgiving table, how about a hearty dish of gratitude? And invite your family and friends to join you. I'll get the ball rolling - here are a few things I'm grateful for:

My husband's support
The hug of a grandchild
Inner strength
The people I love
My good fortune
Second chances

Now it's your turn. Click on 'Comments' at the bottom of this post, follow the prompts and share your gratitude with our readers. Or email us at Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com to let us know what you're thankful for. We'll post your comments here on Wednesday. And why not try this idea when your guests gather around the Thanksgiving table?

Grandmothers Value Special Holiday Celebrations

Now that we are into December, the holiday season has begun in earnest, prompting grandmothers into action as they search for ways to prepare for holiday celebrations with the grandkids. Chanukah begins tonight and Christmas and Kwanzaa are just over three weeks away. So we've got more tips today about how to enjoy the holidays with your grandchildren, whether they live close to you or far away.

When your grandkids live nearby, you benefit by being an integral part of their lives. You likely have the chance to spend time with them weekly, participate in significant events and learn first-hand about their latest interests and achievements. The main concern then becomes boundaries - on all sides. It's vital for you not to undermine your adult children's authority, even if you pitch in to help with child-care. And it's just as imperative for you to retain your own personal identity and not become submerged in the role of grandmother only. You'll enjoy the relationship more when you also have some separation from it.

When you are part of the special kind of grandmothering that is becoming more common today, flexibility is the key. If you son or daughter has divorced, you might lose some contact with your grandchild, especially if the situation between the parents is strained. You may need to maintain a relationship with your child's ex in order to spend time with your grandkids - it helps to discuss this with your own child, as this can be a touchy subject. Your time with the grandkids is likely determined by which parent has them that day, not when you want to see them. So you'll need to be flexible in your planning. Divorce is difficult for everyone and your grandkids may blame themselves and act out behaviorally, making it difficult for you to manage them. Or they may withdraw from you, afraid that you will leave too. Help them adapt by accepting their feelings. Avoid criticizing either parent to your grandkids so they don't feel their loyalty is being tested when they are with you. You can get some ideas about celebrating holidays with your grandchildren post-divorce in an article we wrote for the website Divorce360.com.

Patience is called for if you become a step-grandmother. You will need to give your new grandchildren time to accept you, so begin slowly. They probably have relationships - and holiday rituals - with their birth grandparents so don't try to rush them into considering you in the same way. Let them know that you are not trying to take the place of their other grandparents, but only adding to their circle of caring adults. Learn about them - their early years, their interests and talents, their personalities. Keep your expectations realistic as you build a relationship that leads to love between you. And talk to your children about possibly adding new traditions your family holiday meal that include everyone.

The unifying concept for good grandmothering is respect - for your children, their partners, your grandkids - and for yourself. Show that you appreciate and value each individual's needs and rights - especially at holiday time. When you do that, you set the stage for building strong bonds between everyone in the family all through the year.

Tips for Grandmothers During the Holidays

This time of year, the role of grandmother can be most rewarding, especially if you and you grandchild spend some of the winter holidays together. Ours just visited for Thanksgiving and we all enjoyed being together to celebrate. While buying and giving presents is important, the most significant gift you can give your grandchild is your presence, attention and love. And you know the best gift you can receive back is a great big hug. For some budget-friendly and fun activities to do with your grandkids this holiday season, here's 100 free things to choose from.

'Grand Mothers' come in all sizes and shapes, as well as names - Grandma, Nana, Bubbe, Granny, or whatever special name your grandkids have for you. Grandchildren may live near or far; be in preschool, grade school, college or beyond; from intact or blended families. What grandmothers share in common is a deep desire to maintain a loving bond with their grandchildren. Here are some tips for creating enriched relationships:

When your grandchildren live far away, the most salient issue is developing connections. You probably don't have the opportunity to see them more than every few months, particularly in this economy. You will likely need to enlist the aid of your adult children to help you form the bonds between you and their kids. How you connect will change as they grow and will certainly flow from your own interests and creative talents. Whatever you choose, your efforts will be well worth it when you see how excited they get when you visit. For some new ideas about connecting at a distance, take a look the article on our HerMentorCenter.com website, Create Meaningful Bonds with Your Grandchildren across the Miles.

When your grandkids are babies, help them develop a full impression of you. You can best do this by using all the sensations that babies respond to. Let them begin to identify your voice by cooing to them on the phone or sending them tapes or CD's with you singing, reading or speaking to them. They can begin to recognize your face from pictures of you in their room or on the computer via iChat or Skype. Have a special song or book that you share with them as you cuddle on each visit. Wear the same perfume - or even a dab of vanilla – whenever you visit so that they learn to associate that with you.

Even if you can't spend the holidays together, continue to use phone calls, letters, cards, texting and emails to stay in touch. After a visit, you can create a scrapbook for them of pictures and souvenirs from your time together. Their memories of you will be enhanced when they have something tangible to look at and savor over and over again, like Family Photo Books. You can write them stories or poems about what you do together, with them as the star of the piece.

During the rest of the year, learn about your grandchildren's activities and interests so you can engage with them about topics that mean a lot to them. Pay attention to their friends when you go to their birthday parties, sports events or special occasions - then you can ask about them later when you have returned home. Integrate what you find out and keep up with their changing activities. All of your efforts will help cement the connections between you.

Check back with us again on Wednesday when we’ll have some more tips for you grandmothers to put in place this holiday season.