Friendships Over the Years

The end of summer, with its back-to-school activities, has me thinking about my own years in school and what these memories mean to me now. Last spring we had our 50th high school reunion and ever since, group emails have been flying back and forth every day. Reconnecting has been like uncovering an old scrapbook - even with whiffs of mildew, it's a real treasure trove of memories.

With all the chaotic financial news, it's nice to be able to reminisce about simpler, more innocent times. Have you noticed how the flavor of your own reunions changed over the years? While the early ones were mostly about individuality - your accomplishments and how thin you looked - the 50th was all about the group - our connections and shared memories.

All our reflective emails have been like tuning in to the oldies but goodies radio stations - a real blast. Although many of us hadn't spoken to each other in 50 years, it's been amazing how quickly old relationships have been renewed. Conversations spontaneously spring up and no one has missed a beat. The older we get, the more we enjoy looking back - way back. When we're not going over what happened in high school, we're backing up all the way to grade school.

What most of us recognize from our reunion aftermath has been the most significant life lesson of all - about importance of enduring friendships. Not only do they create nostalgia for simpler days when we were young, naive and carefree, but more important they bring meaning and sense of belonging to us.

We've made full lives for ourselves in the 50 years after high school but nothing can take away the warm feelings about the times we all spent together. The links that were forged then grew as we did, without us even being aware of the foundation they created. We could begin to define who we were then because we felt secure with and grounded by each other.

As one of my old friends put it in a recent email, Dear New/Old/Very Special Friends, The afterglow continues. It has been such joy to receive all these heartfelt messages. I have been mulling over all the information, the remembrances and stories, trying to understand why this reuniting of friends and classmates has such significance to many of us. I think we see ourselves as we were through the eyes of those we knew when we did not often know how to verbally define ourselves. We have all lived our lives apart but we are bringing forth the essence of ourselves as we knew each other in our formative years. It is so interesting, at this point, to tell our stories, stories we couldn't articulate when we were young as well as the stories that we have developed over the last 50 years.

We missed the sharing of so many truly world shaping events, socially and politically, and we are interested in knowing how the others viewed these events. We started out together, we parted, we want to review all those years in between. It is fascinating, it is fun, it is touching. We are now seeing who has developed or retained a nostalgic sensibility. Thank you, email, for making this reconnecting possible. Thank you, high school, for making us all learn to type so we can now use our previously unused secretarial skills to free associate with one another. All those enticing but unfinished conversations at the reunion shall continue!

How about you? Has your reunion letter or email come to reawaken your memories of distant days? If you've already had an important reunion, you can share your experiences with us here through "comments" below.

And for a glimpse into one woman's unusual story, please join us on Wednesday, August 24, 2011, when Maureen Hancock visits our blog for a Virtual Book Tour. Her memoir, The Medium Next Door: Adventures of a Real-Life Ghost Whisperer follows her experiences as she strives to balance raising her children and speaking with the deceased.

Sleep-away Camp: Ambivalence for the Kids and You

My first memories are of Girl Guide camp in Canada, where we slept in tents and cooked our meals over an open fire. After many experiences at camp, I met my husband when we were both counselors in the mountains of North Carolina. And camp has been a family tradition ever since.

What about you? Just as you're settling into the lazy days of summer, are you shifting gears to get the kids ready for sleep-away camp? If this is a first, there may be ambivalent feelings all around. In new situations, there are many unknowns, and it's easy to let them get the best of you. Yet camp can be a great opportunity for kids to develop their independence, strengths and interests. 'Camp is full of possibilities,' says one dad who is savoring memories as his sons talk about their summer at camp.

But, like any new experience, the anticipation leading up to departure can cause anxiety for your kids and for you. Because you focus so much on their needs, it may be hard to step back and not worry: What if the girls in her bunk are mean to her? What if he doesn't shower regularly? Perhaps you'll find it easier to let go if you feel your kids are well prepared. So after you check off the items on the packing list, sew the labels in all their clothes and give instructions about reapplying sunscreen and staying hydrated, read this. Here the Centers for Disease Control provides tips for kids to stay safe and healthy at camp.

You know your kids and what will set their minds at ease. Talking to others about the fun times of camp can be reassuring to a child who's not sure what to expect. Perhaps if they're aware that feeling lonely the first couple of days is normal, they won't be surprised if it happens. Why not write a letter that will be waiting for them at camp, as well as pack a special item from home, so they'll realize that you're thinking about them? And know that the counselors will help them get into the flow of the program. This PBSkids article sheds light on the subject of homesickness.

See this as the first day of the rest of your family life. At camp your kids will gain confidence while making new friends and developing lifelong skills. Trust that they can take care of themselves. In this article about how to love your kidults by letting go, the focus is on emerging adult children. Consider that you're getting a head start - today sleep-away camp, tomorrow college!

The Masks that Hide You fromYour Partner

As members of the Sandwich Generation facing the challenges of aging parents and growing children, there's often not enough time or energy left to attend to your love relationship. During such stressful periods, problems in your marriage can seem insurmountable. And perhaps it feels like a masquerade. As hard as it may be, take off your masks and try to understand what each other is feeling. Make a commitment to talk honestly about what's going on and what you can do to change the situation. Recreate balance so you can nurture this most important relationship - you won't regret it.

Accept the changes both of you are making. By redefining your relationship, you will begin to feel more connected. And as your relationship grows, you will both be able to go from being afraid of your future to feeling excited about what’s ahead.

Seek out the support you need, often. It can be difficult to do it alone. Spend time with friends who understand what you're going through or who have had similar circumstances. See a couples therapist or talk with family members whose opinions you respect and trust.

Scroll down to "Comments" on the lower righthand corner of this post and share your relationship tips with our readers. And click on the title of this post to learn more about Boomer Couples and Re-examining Your Relationship.

The Empty Nest and the Sandwich Generation

For those of you in the Sandwich Generation, there are lots of circumstances that lead to an empty nest - your growing children moving to college, moving away to take a job or moving into marriage or a committed life with a partner. And any of these situations may require major role shifts for all the family.

Watch the video below about a transition that unfortunately resulted in problems for everyone. But if you read the August blog posts we suggest, you'll see that that there are solutions.



Accept your ambivalence about the empty nest. Discuss your situation with friends who care about what you're going through. You'll discover that you have a lot in common and that they feel the same about their own experiences. That can be validating and comforting. Practice letting go. Try to visualize one door closing and another door opening.

Clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article about what you can learn from President Obama's Mother-in-law. Then, at the top lefthand corner of that article, you'll see "Return to Home Page." Click on that and then on Newsletter Library and Nourishing Relationships for more tips about adapting to other role changes.