Send Your Kids to Camp and Improve Your Marriage

Does the thought of sleep-away camp stir up anxiety for your children and for you? Of course, there are unknowns in any unfamiliar situation. Yet camp is a great opportunity for kids to develop their interests, confidence and independence.

And believe it or not, sleep-away camp can be the best thing for your marriage. As a member of the sandwich generation, caring for parents growing older and kids growing up, your life is more than full. I bet it’s been quite a while since you had meaningful time alone with your partner. So here are four tips that can help you relax into the comfort of a totally adult relationship:

Invest in each other. When you’re managing an active family and a demanding career, your marriage often ends up on the back burner. Now you can focus on your relationship, just as you would any valuable asset. You’ll feel treasured as the emotional dividends grow.

Give the gift of time. Take turns planning activities you'll both enjoy. Rent a bicycle built for two, walk on the beach or take a hike in the woods. Sneak away from work and meet at a museum or enjoy a picnic in the park. Surprise each other and be spontaneous with your affection.

Act like kids and laugh a lot. When the kids are around, all the organizing, cooking and laundry add to your stress. Let off steam, have fun and be playful. It’ll remind you about who you are at the core and why you fell in love.

Create romance and intimacy. If this has been on your 'to do' list for a long time, here's your chance to make it happen. No need to make love on the run. Turn on the music, light candles and share that bottle of wine you've been saving for a special occasion.

Time flies--before you know it, your campers will be home, talking about new friends and the good times they had. Throughout the school year, remember to savor the memories of your brief second honeymoon. And save your mad money to hold a place for them in camp next summer.

Sleep-away Camp: Prepares You for the Empty Nest

The longer your kids are at sleep-away camp - and with more time for yourself – are you developing a different perspective? Not having to orchestrate their daily activities or worry about their self esteem, you may be realizing that your protective instincts keep you on edge.

Time apart can help you re-evaluate your role as mother. And when the kids come home, you may be ready to start back on a different footing - perhaps expect them to be more responsible and do their chores without being told. After all, camp is a maturing experience. And although you want to treasure the growing up years, it's never too early to help your kids build strengths and skills that will lead to independence.

This newfound freedom you've discovered, after years of non-stop mothering, may very well have given you a taste of what the empty nest can be. This article from the NBC website, LifeGoesStrong.com, offers tips for soon to be empty nesters - because you, too, need to prepare for greater selfhood.

There was a recent segment on the Today Show about how you can love your children and hate your life. Dr. Gail Saltz discusses how raising perfect children has become a competitive sport, complete with pressure to succeed and guilt about not doing enough. Watch this video. And then commit to nurturing yourself as well as your kids:

Enjoy your family. Bring humor into your daily life and laugh together. Discovering activities that are new to all of you allows each of you to enjoy the process without being critical or competitive. You can laugh at your errors as you learn together.

Use cooperation and compromise. Be flexible in resolving your family issues. Negative feelings are difficult to face head-on, but the rewards can be more honesty and a renewed sense of trust. Resist holding on to resentment - learn to forgive and to apologize for your own mistakes.

Give compliments freely. Sometimes it seems easier to criticize than to praise and acknowledge positive behavior. Adjust your antennae to be more attentive to the actions you want to reinforce. When you are thinking something positive, say it out loud to your partner and children.

Build basic trust and loyalty. If you are devoted to your children and to your marriage, your behavior will reflect this deep commitment. Knowing that you are dedicated to the needs of your family can give you the confidence to pursue your own personal goals out in the world.

Work to create balance. Once you have decided what you want for yourself, let your priorities determine what is realistic. And go for it! Know that you may vacillate between enthusiasm about your new plans and sadness about what you are leaving behind.

Sleep-away camp can be life changing for your children and for you. Embrace it. And as you welcome your children home from camp, be grateful for their wellbeing. July is National Make a Difference for Children Month. Why not celebrate your kids' homecoming and set an example by giving back as a family to children in need. What could be better for everyone?

Sleep-away Camp: Ambivalence for the Kids and You

My first memories are of Girl Guide camp in Canada, where we slept in tents and cooked our meals over an open fire. After many experiences at camp, I met my husband when we were both counselors in the mountains of North Carolina. And camp has been a family tradition ever since.

What about you? Just as you're settling into the lazy days of summer, are you shifting gears to get the kids ready for sleep-away camp? If this is a first, there may be ambivalent feelings all around. In new situations, there are many unknowns, and it's easy to let them get the best of you. Yet camp can be a great opportunity for kids to develop their independence, strengths and interests. 'Camp is full of possibilities,' says one dad who is savoring memories as his sons talk about their summer at camp.

But, like any new experience, the anticipation leading up to departure can cause anxiety for your kids and for you. Because you focus so much on their needs, it may be hard to step back and not worry: What if the girls in her bunk are mean to her? What if he doesn't shower regularly? Perhaps you'll find it easier to let go if you feel your kids are well prepared. So after you check off the items on the packing list, sew the labels in all their clothes and give instructions about reapplying sunscreen and staying hydrated, read this. Here the Centers for Disease Control provides tips for kids to stay safe and healthy at camp.

You know your kids and what will set their minds at ease. Talking to others about the fun times of camp can be reassuring to a child who's not sure what to expect. Perhaps if they're aware that feeling lonely the first couple of days is normal, they won't be surprised if it happens. Why not write a letter that will be waiting for them at camp, as well as pack a special item from home, so they'll realize that you're thinking about them? And know that the counselors will help them get into the flow of the program. This PBSkids article sheds light on the subject of homesickness.

See this as the first day of the rest of your family life. At camp your kids will gain confidence while making new friends and developing lifelong skills. Trust that they can take care of themselves. In this article about how to love your kidults by letting go, the focus is on emerging adult children. Consider that you're getting a head start - today sleep-away camp, tomorrow college!