Role Models on Presidents Day

Presidents Day, honoring George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, reminds us to look to strong role models for inspiration. Mount Rushmore, in the Black Hills of South Dakoka, memorializes Presidents Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Roosevelt. These men reflect goals to strive for - courage, freedom, compassion and conservation, among others.

But you don't have to look only to U.S. Presidents for motivation and guidance. In the past here on our blog, we've focused on many role models, both for ourselves and for our children. They can stir us to greater efforts and success in our family, community and work lives.

When Randy Pausch learned that he had terminal cancer, he gave and then wrote The Last Lecture as a guide for living rather than dying. He stressed the importance of living each day fully, striving to achieve dreams and expressing gratitude for those gifts that you have. He encouraged his students, children and readers to stretch and take creative risks as they reached for goals.

Olympic swimmer Dara Torres and singer Susan Boyle have pursued careers about as different as they can be. Yet they are both role models of courage for women who have a dream and work hard to accomplish their goals. The mother of a toddler, Dara believed she wasn't too old to compete in the Olympics in her 40's and defied the odds by winning 3 more medals in Beijing. Susan was 48 and unknown when she competed on Britain's Got Talent, stunning the audience with her powerful voice. A short eight months later she had the world's best selling album of the year, with 9 million copies purchased. As our blog post indicates, both women successfully created their personal best through dedication and drive.

A teacher at heart, John Wooden was a life coach incarnate, not just a basketball coach. The Pyramid of Success he created for the men's UCLA basketball team works just as well for women balancing family and work life. His home grown aphorisms - Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do; Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are - can motivate you to work toward your personal best in any area of your life.

Elizabeth Edwards was a source of inspiration for many, fighting to maintain her dignity as she battled breast cancer and sought to protect her children. In an interview shortly before her death, she said that she wanted to be remembered as someone who stood in the storm and, when the wind didn't blow her way, adjusted her sails. You can read more about how Elizabeth Edwards took charge of defining her life by reading our blog post after her death.

Syndicated columnist Amy Dickinson, known as "Ask Amy," writes about the value of using other women as her role models and support in her book, The Mighty Queens of Freeville. For more insight about how we can empower ourselves and prevail through tough times by learning from our women friends and family, read how Amy answered our questions during her Virtual Book Tour on our blog.

Just a few of other role models we've blogged about are those women who return to the workforce and those who use their personal strengths as a means of centering themselves.

If you are looking for some more positive role models for success, look over other past blogs and be sure to sign up for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones. When you do, you'll receive our free ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals. You'll find inspiration there to make this the best time of life.

And please visit our blog again on Wednesday, February 23 when we welcome Pamela Madsen for a Virtual Book Tour. She'll be discussing her new book, SHAMELESS: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner.

Syndicated Advice Columnist, 'Ask Amy' Launches Her New Website and Invites You to Join Her

Do you know Amy Dickinson, the national syndicated advice columnist and best selling author of The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them? She likely writes a column in your local paper.

This is what WashingtonPost.com has to say about Amy: "She comes across very much as you'd expect an advice columnist to: smart, humorous, commonsensical, not prone to deep self-analysis and - despite having lived in London and Chicago and worked in New York as a television producer - a passionate proponent of small-town American values."

We featured Amy in our monthly Virtual Book Tour in June, 2009. And you can read the entire interview if you go to 'Archives' to the left of this post, click on June, 2009 and then scroll down to June 11th and 12th. Here's what Amy had to say about why she wrote this book:

I’m a syndicated advice columnist, 'Ask Amy', and by far the most common question I’m asked when people meet me is "How do you know what to say to people?" People are understandably curious about my qualifications to tell others what they should do.

My book is the answer to the question of how I know what I know. It tells the lessons of a life spent watching, doing, and learning from my own mistakes - and I’ve made plenty of those. I didn’t go to school to become an advice columnist (I was an English major), but I have been well-schooled in the fields of relationships, marriage, divorce, and raising my daughter Emily as a single mom. I’ve been in debt and clawed my way out. I’ve picked up and moved households several times. I have been on too many bad blind dates.

Fortunately for me, I haven’t had to take my winding journey alone. Along with my daughter Emily, I am blessed to be from a large family of funny, inspiring, and opinionated women. These are the women Emily christened the "Mighty Queens," and these are the people who helped teach me what I know.

Rather than write an "advicey" book, I decided to tell my own story. In the course of writing the book, I returned to live in my little home town of Freeville, New York. After living in London, New York, Washington DC and then Chicago, coming home to a village of 458 people has been an adjustment and a joy.

This week Amy is celebrating the release of the paperback edition of The Mighty Queens Of FReeville. Over the past few months she has been traveling around, capturing real life stories that highlight Second Chances, a major theme of her book.

From book club parties to libraries, book stores, auditoriums and church basements, women are gathering to draw strength from each other and share their stories.

On Amy's new website, MySecondChanceStories.com, you can join the virtual hometown community, watch inspiring interviews by Amy, browse book club discussion questions, view photos and "bring Amy to your hometown" with live chat, podcasts and book signings. Go check it out - you'll be glad you did.

ReadingGroupGuides.com will be hosting a contest where book club members can tell their 'second chance' story in 100 words or less, and Amy will select readers to win a paperback copy of her book for their group.

If you need some encouragement in order to write your story, join our email list to the left of this post and download your complimentary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned.

Learn About Virtual Book Tours

We've been keeping our Virtual Book Tours a secret for too long. Over the past year and a half, here at NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com, we've featured more than 15 authors and their recently published books. You may be wondering why this sort of event has come to be known as a Virtual Book Tour. Because it's like the old book signings, but you don't have to take off your bunny slippers.



Do you see "Archives," to the left of this post? Scroll down to the month you want and click, and then click once again on the specific date of the Virtual Book Tour that interests you. Here's a list to get you started.

2008:

May 22 - "Distress Free Aging: A Boomer's Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life"
June 19 - "Too Young to Retire: an off the road map to the rest of your life"
July 31 - "A Journey Well Taken: Life after Loss"
October 23 - "Live your Road Trip Dream"

2009:

January 21 - "You Want Me to do What? Journaling for Caregivers"
January 29 - "Wild Things"
April 30 - "Super Granny: Great Things to do with Your Grandkids"
May 28 - "The Blue Cotton Gown: A Midwife's Memoir"
June 11 - "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, A Daughter and the Town That Raised Them"
July 23 - "Second Chance at Your Dream"

Enjoy your reading - and we'll keep you posted on when the next Virtual Book Tour is coming up.

The Men in Our Lives

Last week, we enjoyed Amy Dickinson's visit to our blog and her look at the important role women in her family - "The Mighty Queens" - have played. Now, with Father's Day just a week away, we turn our focus toward the men in our lives - fathers, brothers, husbands, lovers, sons, teachers, grandsons, even colleagues - and consider our relationships with them. We play a vital role in nourishing "our men" and are nourished by them as well. But how much do we really understand them?

John Gray has written about communication problems between men, from Mars, and women, from Venus, encouraging both to come together, celebrate their differences and understand one another. Gray describes men as "Mr. Fix-it," ready to offer solutions to problems without necessarily listening to the whole story and validating the feelings behind them. Women, on the other hand, are more attuned to talking about what is bothering them and are more likely to feel loved and cherished when the men in their life connect with them in this way. These different styles of communication can also mirror different needs for intimacy. Gray describes men as "rubber bands," who draw close and then pull away in their expressions of love. This snapping back and forth can leave women confused and hurt.

So how do we gain understanding of "the guys" and learn how to get what we need from them? Stay tuned in this week as we look at positive ways to experience the men around us. And, to learn more about how men in long-term relationships view communication, click on the title above to take you to an article on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com, entitled "Father's Day, Boomer Men and Communication."

Tomorrow we start by taking a deeper look at how differences begin early in children's development.

Amy Dickinson Responds to NourishingRelationships' Readers

Plenty of nourishing relationships' readers and sandwiched boomers tuned in yesterday to take part in our interview with Amy Dickinson. We had a spirited discussion with Amy, author of The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them. Our thanks to Amy for being so generous with her time.

You can still read all of the responses, in full, through yesterday's "comments" link at the bottom of the post. Here's a sampling.

Several Readers had concerns relating to their teenagers:

"I too have a daughter and to get a vote of approval like you did from Emily would shock the hell out of me. She’s only 15 so what you say gives me hope."

"I'm raising two teenage sons alone and sometimes I get frustrated and discouraged. What gives you the strength besides the women in your life?"

"I loved how you get to the heart of the emotion in your book. Your daughter has been in college for a couple of years now, I think - mine will be leaving in a few months. A few words of wisdom?"

Amy's thoughtful replies:

I struggle for words of wisdom about letting a child go when its time to go to college, except to say that if everybody has done their job and the relationship is good and solid, I think it’s easier to let go. I miss my girl but, well, she's happy and as a parent that has always been one of my goals. And we write letters back and forth, which has been nice for us.

I guess I get my strength, if you could call it that, from my faith and my sense of humor, from friends, and from the occasional bottle of wine and box of kleenex. Sometimes, like Scarlett O'Hara, you just have to tear down the drapes and make yourself a new dress. Enlist your sons in the effort to help them raise themselves. And make them help you with the dishes.

Another reader, a nurse asks:

"You write about such serious subjects in your advice column, like the woman today whose classmate attempted to rape her. Do you ever find it hard to leave your work at the office? I'm a critical care nurse and it's often hard for me to clear my head and relax."

Amy here:

It is very hard to leave some of these painful topics behind at the end of the day --especially when a kid writes in with a serious problem. But I'm reminded of something Ann Landers' former editor told me. Ann's words of wisdom on this were something like, "I try to remember that these people's problems aren't my problems. I've got my own problems." That helped. And as a nurse of course you know that in order to do your job, you need to be rested and as non-stressed as possible. Thank you for the important work you do.

Others made comments that reflect Amy's experience as well as their own:

"Having so many wonderful and supportive women around you is a gift. Not all women have that, but for those who don't, creating their own circle is so important. It took me too many years to realize that.

"The energy of women together is always a wonder to behold. How great for you and your daughter to have had that support. I have not read your book therefore ask if your daughter was exposed to any positive male influences as well?"

"Now that your book has been published, is there anything that you would change? Did you omit something that you would include if you were submitting your work for publishing today?"

"I found the interview enlightening and affirming of the wisdom of caring, supportive women. Common sense, sincere interest and the perfect balance of honesty, sensitivity and tact are your hallmarks, Amy. Thank you for sharing that each day in your column. I look forward to reading your book!"

Amy here:

Answering the question about whether I would change anything in my book -- honestly I don't think I would. It's not perfect, but mainly I feel like I said what I set out to say. I feel it's honest and heartfelt, quirky and charming. I still like it when I read it, so that's probably a good sign. Thanks for asking.

Amy mentioned this morning that she's working on another book and appreciates the support of readers -- "this is one of those books that women are passing around and sharing with one another, and that makes me so proud and happy!" Click on the title above to go directly to Amy's website.

If you want more of these sort of events, please add your comments here or email us at Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com. And visit our website by clicking on the first link on the left below, "Her Mentor Center."

You can sign up for our newsletter, Stepping Stones, by clicking on the link below marked "FREE Newsletter." We publish a monthly newsletter that focuses on helpful strategies for coping with personal and family issues. Our May newsletter gave tips on how mothers-in-law can improve their relationships and learn from President Obama's MIL. Our June Stepping Stones highlighted how Susan Boyle, an unlikely role model, can be a guide to an emphasis on inner beauty and nourishing oneself.

"Ask Amy" Talks with Sandwiched Boomers

Today we are delighted to welcome advice columnist Amy Dickinson to our blog for sandwiched boomers. Amy is the author of “The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them.” In her book, according to washingtonpost.com, Amy “comes across very much as you'd expect an advice columnist to: smart, humorous, common-sensical, not prone to deep self-analysis and - despite having lived in London and Chicago and worked in New York as a television producer - a passionate proponent of small-town American values.” Now see for yourself:

Nourishing Relationships: Why did you write this book, Amy?

Amy Dickinson: I’m a syndicated advice columnist (“Ask Amy”), and by far the most common question I’m asked when people meet me is “How do you know what to say to people?” People are understandably curious about my qualifications to tell others what they should do.

My book is the answer to the question of how I know what I know. It tells the lessons of a life spent watching, doing, and learning from my own mistakes - and I’ve made plenty of those. I didn’t go to school to become an advice columnist (I was an English major), but I have been well-schooled in the fields of relationships, marriage, divorce, and raising my daughter Emily as a single mom. I’ve been in debt and clawed my way out. I’ve picked up and moved households several times. I have been on too many bad blind dates.

Fortunately for me, I haven’t had to take my winding journey alone. Along with my daughter Emily, I am blessed to be from a large family of funny, inspiring, and opinionated women. These are the women Emily christened the “Mighty Queens,” and these are the people who helped teach me what I know.

Rather than write an “advicey” book, I decided to tell my own story. In the course of writing the book, I returned to live in my little home town of Freeville, New York. After living in London, New York, Washington DC and then Chicago, coming home to a village of 458 people has been an adjustment and a joy.


NR: What’s the downside to writing a memoir?

AD: It’s always a challenge and a risk to tell a deeply personal story. And because my own story is littered with incident - many comic, but some sad or serious - the decision to lay it all out there was not taken lightly. Sometimes I cried as I wrote, and sometimes I laughed out loud - and readers tell me that they respond to my book with the same range of emotions I felt while writing it.

I was inspired not only by my own story, but by the many people who write in to me for advice. My readers share with me their deepest dilemmas and their saddest life stories. They also reveal a stunning goofiness from time to time. I share many qualities with the people who trust me enough to write to me for advice, and I wanted to demonstrate that it isn’t necessary to be perfect to live a perfectly good life.

My biggest concern was not about my own privacy, but that of my family’s, because their story intersects with mine. If there is a downside to writing a memoir, it is the fear that I somehow wouldn’t be able to honor other people’s sensitivities. My family is still speaking to me. Of course, it would be very challenging for them to stop speaking - to me or anyone - because we’re big talkers and don’t shut up easily.


NR: How have people you wrote about responded to the book?

AD: “The Mighty Queens of Freeville” has created quite a sensation locally - and otherwise - and local people tell me they scan the book for their own presence in it. One person I went to high school with and mentioned in the book was not happy about her presence in my story, but otherwise it has gone very well. My family members have all been amused by their new-found celebrity and I think they’ve enjoyed it. It’s nice, once in awhile, to be able to cut to the front of the line at Dunkin Donuts.

Most importantly, the two women in my life who are central to my story - my daughter and my mother, Jane, have offered their hearty approval. Emily is now a sophomore in college and when others ask her if she’s mortified that her mom wrote about her, she has responded to them - and to me - that she is proud. My mom said I “got things right,” which is very high praise coming from a woman who led a very tough life, but has almost always gotten things right, herself.


NR: How has the book impacted your life?

AD: I didn’t set out to inspire people. My goal was to tell my own story. But my book has become one of those special books that women pass around to each other.

Every day I hear from people - women especially - who tell me that my story resonates with them and has inspired them to look at their own lives in a new way.

I receive letters addressed to me and sent to “Main Street, Freeville, NY” (I receive them all because it’s just that kind of town) telling me that mothers and daughters are sharing this book, talking about it in book groups, after church, or at the local diner. This is an incredibly gratifying surprise, and I absolutely love it. The themes of my own life - of learning from and laughing at one’s mistakes, women’s empowerment, small town values, and prevailing through tough times - are themes that run through many lives. Women see themselves in my story, and they are nice enough to tell me so.

I’ve also been busier than I thought possible, traveling around the country and meeting readers and book sellers. I’ve always been a reader and so meeting with and talking to other people who read has been a joy.

NR: Thanks so much for joining us today, Amy – and for your honesty and humor. Your tribute to some of our most important relationships is like a breath of fresh air.

We’re also grateful to all the readers and sandwiched boomers who have dropped by. Click on the title at the top of this post - that will take you to Amy's website where you can learn more about her and "the Mighty Queens of Freeville."

If you have questions for Amy - about the most valuable words of wisdom she's given her own daughter, how to find a support network of women, embarking on a new career as a single parent or even the process of writing such an intimate memoir - please click on "Comments" and let us hear from you. Log on again tomorrow - we’ll be summarizing your questions and Amy’s feedback.

Baby Boomers, Retirement and New Possibilities

Retirement Finds a New Purpose

• Out of the Ashes, New Possibilities - A new and, in some ways, more optimistic vision for retirement is emerging. 60% of Americans now say they view retirement to be "a new, exciting chapter in life" contrasted with 52% last year. And, 70% want to include working in retirement as a way to contribute, remain stimulated and pay the bills.
• Sage Elders Needed - Three-quarters of all respondents think our country would benefit in important ways if retirees were more involved in contributing their valuable skills and experience to our communities, with the most enthusiastic response coming from retirees themselves (83%).
• The Emergence of Philanthropreneuring - With growing interest in civic engagement, the majority (57%) of respondents would prefer a volunteer activity that makes use of their full range of work and life skills and experience - rather than basic service and support tasks.

According to Dr. Ken Dychtwald, CEO of Age Wave: "There's no question that this past year has been a time of struggle and worry. At this point, most of us are taking a deep breath, assessing the damage and trying to figure out how to move forward. As we reviewed the results, we couldn't help reflecting that this study demonstrates the fortitude and resilience of our country as we re-think the funding, timing and purpose of retirement. Though the study uncovered anxiety and uncertainty necessitating shifting plans and priorities, it also revealed a hopeful outlook as a new, more engaged and sustainable model of retirement is being envisioned."

This concludes our review of the 'Retirement at the Tipping Point' study.

Please log on tomorrow for our Virtual Book Tour, featuring "Ask Amy" syndicated columnist, Amy Dickinson and her book, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them."