We have received several interesting comments to our recent blogs, two of which we want to highlight today. They represent the range of issues we Boomer Sandwich Generation women are dealing with these days.

Audrey, a college admission counselor, knows that when our offspring leave for college, we parents have many reactions to the empty nest - sadness, relief, loneliness, satisfaction, the realization that our hands-on parenting days are over. We also have more of a valuable commodity, free time. She has created a program which takes advantage of the increased availability of our time, energy and interests. Through her new program called "Back to College for a Day," she has organized interesting lectures on a variety of topics by Los Angeles area professors. If you want more information about her program, set for October 27, 2007, visit her website at www.backtocollegeforaday.com.

Then there is the other end of the spectrum.


Concerning our interview with Carol O'Dell, one woman expressed the complex challenges of caring for an emotionally difficult aging mother while still trying to honor the needs of her own family. As she put it, "I feel badly for her but am not prepared to put the quality of my family life on the line."

Just as in the aptly named children's game, tug-of-war, we may feel like we are in a battle zone - pulled simultaneously from both sides and stretched to the limit in the middle. It is a struggle for each of us to sense our own breaking point – which we must do if we are to learn how to protect ourselves for the long haul. It's not easy to put limits on the connection with your aging parents, but you may need to place that relationship in the context of the rest of your life. Trust yourself as you design a plan that works for all of you, yourself included.

Let us know how you are grappling with these same kinds of issues in your own extended family - we can all learn from each other.

Have you bought into the commercialism of Father's Day, thinking fancy ties and expensive tools would bring you closer - only to find that you still want better communication with the important man in your life?

According to research findings on the effectiveness of marital therapy, communication was one of the most commonly reported and difficult to manage problems in marriage. It is well known that discrepancies in how men and women talk to each other can lead to further conflict as the partners begin to focus blame on themselves, each other or on the quality of the relationship.

Regardless of differences in attitude and opinion, long term partnerships often credit their relationship success to positive verbal interactions. Here, over the next couple of weeks, we'll share what a random selection of men had to say in a recent poll we took.

• Stuart indicated that it took a lot of attention and conscious thought to improve communication with his partner. “We need to give each other space because when our arguments escalate we have little resolution. Empathy is important, and I’m working hard on developing that. When I don’t think my wife’s criticisms are justified, I get defensive and upset. Often I don’t want to let her down so I try to fix it, whatever the problem is. Eventually the issue is resolved and we both get over it.”

• Paul and his wife have been married for thirty years and they have gradually learned how to deal with one another. “We can sense each other’s moods and we communicate well most of the time. We try to understand, even if we disagree. On occasion we both are stubborn and see things only our own way. We usually don’t change our opinions very much. But while we are fighting the battles, we think about the war. What is this all about? Is it really that important?"

• Tim was sensitive to criticism and sometimes shied away from confrontations. “Usually I can say what I’m thinking and what I want. I feel comfortable communicating without being demeaned or laughed at by my wife. If we have an inconsequential argument, one usually gives in or we compromise. But when we have significant disagreements I withdraw first and then we talk later. In the kinds of situations that can lead to further misunderstanding, sometimes I don’t totally share my feelings.”

Let us know your thoughts and stay tuned for more next week.