9/11 Ten Years Later

Ten years ago, this photo took my breath away. Just like the pictures of the collapsing towers and the fliers with the smiling faces of lost loved ones. What powerful images of despair, suffering and the staggering losses of 9/11. But there were also stories of rescue, heroism and survival.

At dinner the other night, my 5 year old grandson was amazed by his brothers' conversation about terrorists seizing control of planes and crashing them into the World Trade Center. Being so young, how could they understand the impact? But as adults we know that the world changed dramatically that day.

After the heroic acts of police, firefighters, emergency responders and recovery workers during the disaster, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome became a public health issue. Survivors with PTSD continue to struggle with intrusive thoughts triggered by a plane overhead, the sound of sirens or nightmares. Flashbacks, depression or anxiety continue to haunt them. And others suffer from chronic health problems or respiratory and allergic reactions from exposure to toxic dust.

Partners, parents and children still feel the void and mourn the loss of family members. For many who were lucky enough to survive the tragedy, there often remain feelings of helplessness, sometimes accompanied by shame, guilt, or a sense of responsibility. In fact, the whole world reacted. And each anniversary of 9/11 triggers frightening memories and painful emotions.

How do you move forward without forgetting? It can help to weather tragedy in the midst of family, friends and community. Like in other traumatic situations, support for discussing the events and sharing feelings can relieve pain and suffering. Putting energy into giving back to others who are struggling can be a source of comfort. And pulling together is a classic coping mechanism. The civility, cooperation, support and goodwill in New York were instrumental in healing the national psyche.

While some people remain vulnerable, others are resilient and can regain psychological balance more quickly. They tend to bounce back to the same strengths, anxieties, hopes and bad habits - and are grateful for a return to normalcy.

Some are too young to remember, others can't forget. Many at yesterday's ground zero memorial were there to find more closure so maybe they could, at last, enjoy a measure of relief. And all over the country, thousands upon thousands gathered to unveil monuments, pay tribute, pledge allegiance and celebrate resilience. May this strength be an example to all of us.

Answering Kids' Questions about Good and Evil

Differences of opinion surrounding the death of Osama bin Laden are rampant. And your kids may still be asking questions that are hard to answer. On Monday we shared tips that may be helpful in explaining the situation. What follows are a few more:

Talk about good and evil. The death of Osama bin Laden is complicated. Your kids may wonder why he was killed and not put in jail. Tell them these were extremely unusual circumstances. The idea of celebrating his death is another contradictory message. Point out that it was at odds with the solemnity of the moment. Speak from your heart about patriotism. Help them understand that a lot of people were celebrating the possibility of peace and feeling safer.

Teach them to appreciate ethnic, religious and cultural differences. Be a good role model, tolerant and open-minded. Radical terrorists don't represent or speak for Islam. Help your children understand and respect others who are different than them. Give examples they can relate to, like, isn’t it interesting when someone at school dresses differently, speaks English with an accent or likes really different foods than you?

Work toward a more equitable world. It's our job as a nation not to pursue revenge but to seek justice. On a personal level, it's about how we see our responsibilities. You may want to frame bin Laden's death as an opportunity for furthering peace and in terms of justice for the victims of 9/11. That it's a relief that evil had been overcome. Model positive moral development for your children. You can have a primal reaction to a threat and still behave in a more evolved manner. Compassion is a complicated concept to understand.

What people are really celebrating is relief from fears that undermine their feeling in control. Hopefully bin Laden's death will lead to the further dismantling of a terror network that causes suffering worldwide. This is about restoring hope for progress against a frightening force. If Osama bin Laden's death makes kids feel safer, that's a good thing.

How to Answer Kids' Questions about the Death of Osama bin Laden

Osama bin Laden, the founder of Al-Qaeda, was an evil man who masterminded the attacks that cost the lives of nearly 3,000 people on September 11, 2001. For almost 10 years, Americans have been waiting for him to be caught and punished. On May 1, 2011, he was killed in Pakistan by Navy Seals in the US armed forces. After President Obama's somber announcement about it, people cheered around the world.

It can be upseting for children to see Osama bin Laden's death celebrated when they have been taught that killing is wrong. Many kids, as well as parents, are confused and wondering what to think or feel and how to react. Here are some practical tips about how you can help your kids or grandkids understand this very complicated issue:

Answer their hard questions in simple, straight forward terms. Then take your cues from them. See what they know and what they want to know. Be specific as you give them the least amount of information that will satisfy their curiosity. Try to shield them from TV programs, photos and others who may be talking about the situation. You want to be available for follow-up.

Make it clear to them that hatred can result in terrible acts. This conversation may lead to other difficult questions: Will Al Qaeda followers seek revenge? Should I be afraid of what will happen next? How can we protect ourselves? If children suggest killing more people like bin Laden, remind them that we try very hard not to kill. We want to put bad people in jail where they can never hurt or kill again.

Model reasonable and appropriate attitudes. Use this as a reminder of the 9/11 national tragedy and the hope for a safer future for all of us. Reassure your kids that you're there for them and will keep them safe. Let them know you'll protect them the best you can because you love them.

Explain that this is a part of history. Put it in context. Once again, stick to the facts and take into consideration the children's age and maturity. They will also learn about it in school and from classmates. Frame your reaction as a patriotic response to uphold American values about freedom and the rule of law.

If you're having conversations with your kids or grandkids, let us know their concerns and what you're saying to reassure them. And log on here Wednesday for more tips about how to answer kids' tough questions.