Stand By Your Man or Hire a Divorce Lawyer

Arnold Schwarzenegger has joined the ranks of political leaders who are known to have cheated on their spouses. When a husband is unfaithful, most women immediately feel outrage, disappointment and betrayal. Yet some wives stand by their man. Others re-evaluate their lives.

There are many possible factors that motivate the humiliated wife to stay. Initially she could be in shock and using the defense of denial to avoid reality. Perhaps she's protecting her husband's political career. Or she's concerned about the children and putting them first. Because of her low self esteem or dependency, she could feel she has no option. It may even be love - plain and simple, a long history together or a desire to keep the family together. Whatever the reasoning behind trying to save the marriage, it can take as much courage to stay as to leave. And the road to healing is long and hard.

When Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger announced their separation, it was revealed that she had moved out of the family home and into a hotel. A Kennedy woman, many of whom have been accused of turning the other way, she has suffered several transitions. Shriver gave up her own successful journalism career when Schwarzenegger became governor of California. And amid allegations of affairs that threatened to derail his political career, she had his back and stood by him. Over the past 2 years, she has lost both her parents, followed by the disclosure of her husband's infidelity and deceit. Since their separation, perhaps she's questioning the value of her life and how she wants to live it now.

Over the years, from Roosevelt to Kennedy to Clinton to Edwards, many have wondered, why do their wives take it? Finally, Jenny Stanford broke the mold when she divorced the Governor of South Carolina. Her reaction to her husband's infidelity did not follow the posture of other political wives. She was independent and true to herself, an example for hurt spouses of philandering politicians.

By ignoring the potential consequences of his acts and the people he would hurt, Schwarzenegger raised huge questions about his character as well as his moral development. Maria's statement says a lot: "This is a painful and heartbreaking time. As a mother, my concern is for the children. I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal." It seems as if Maria Shrive gets it. Having hired a high profile divorce attorney, she's moving on, for her family and herself.

Please log on here tomorrow when Erica Goodstone, Ph.D. joins us for a Virtual Book Tour. Her book, Love Me, Touch Me, Heal Me: The Path to Physical, Emotional, Sexual and Spiritual Reawakening, leads readers on a path toward loving … truly loving, from the center of their being.

Elizabeth Edwards: A Source of Inspiration

Elizabeth Edwards, diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004, died Tuesday at the age of 61. She often said she wanted to be in control and define her own life, not be defined by cancer or her husband's affair. After their separation, she figured out a new way of interacting with her estranged husband that was healthy for her children. Because for years she had been preparing them for what was to come. What Elizabeth called her 'dying letter' was really a lesson in living.

At one point Elizabeth wrote, "The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful."

A source of inspiration, hers was a struggle of extraordinary dimensions. Elizabeth lived with high political ambition, marital betrayal, advancing cancer and optimistic determination. Her lasting legacy was that she weathered life's storms with fortitude and grace.

In a recent interview she said that she wanted to be remembered as someone who stood in the storm and, when the wind didn't blow her way, adjusted her sails. Elizabeth Edwards was a role model for all of us.

Even in the holiday season, the news media thrive on streaming information - and gossip - about the exploits of high visibility couples. The general public has been well informed about the on-going splits of Hollywood couples, the infidelity of John Edwards, the visits to call girls by Eliot Spitzer. Polls report that approximately one-third of marriages have experienced an affair by one of the partners. How then do the other two-thirds resist the temptation to stray? As Paul Newman, married over 50 years to Joanne Woodward before he died, explained it, "I have steak at home, why go out for hamburger?"

Recent research has identified some functions of the brain that make it easier to remain monogamous, particularly for women. When placed in a situation where an outside flirtation is possible, a subconscious alarm is set off and women react by not paying attention to the appealing threat. Instead, they express more commitment to their relationship. Men's brains do not automatically protect their relationships in the same way but can be trained to do so by visualizing and planning how to avoid the enticement. Additional studies have shown that when strong love is at the forefront, it is harder for the brain to pay attention to, perceive and recall the appeal of an attractive outsider.

Are you ready to learn how to keep the romance alive in your relationship and keep you and your partner from straying? With physiology and love on your side, tune in this week for tips to make it easier for you and other Sandwiched Boomers to stay faithful.

How do you like being called a "good liar? " A new book portrays women as better liars than men - more clever and successful. How does this feel to you? Is it an accomplishment or a criticism? Does it seem to be true or a sexist stereotype? Is this just another hit on beleaguered Sandwich Generation Boomers?

Women have several reasons for lying according to author Susan Shapiro Barash. Some lie to protect themselves - for example, to better their financial position or to cover up taboo behavior. A variation of this is the "competitive lie," through which a woman seeks to rank herself and her family on a higher level in terms of accomplishments. Others say they lie to benefit others - not telling their children about their own wild teenage behavior or not confessing to their husband that they had an affair. Women may even lie to themselves when it seems too painful to admit the truth.

The author had an unusual manner of recruiting interviewees for her study - she placed adds on Craigslist. Perhaps because her respondents were drawn from a shopping site, she found that the subject women lied about the most was how much money they spent. She also found that more than half of her sample cheated on their husbands and lied about it. Many stay-at-home mothers told her they were not always honest about the satisfaction they experienced due to their choices.

Does this all sound like some other manipulative woman - or have you been in a situation yourself that brought out a little white lie? Do you think it was justified? What was the effect of the lie? How would things have turned out differently had you told the truth? If you could go back and change your behavior, would you? How?