Stand By Your Man or Hire a Divorce Lawyer

Arnold Schwarzenegger has joined the ranks of political leaders who are known to have cheated on their spouses. When a husband is unfaithful, most women immediately feel outrage, disappointment and betrayal. Yet some wives stand by their man. Others re-evaluate their lives.

There are many possible factors that motivate the humiliated wife to stay. Initially she could be in shock and using the defense of denial to avoid reality. Perhaps she's protecting her husband's political career. Or she's concerned about the children and putting them first. Because of her low self esteem or dependency, she could feel she has no option. It may even be love - plain and simple, a long history together or a desire to keep the family together. Whatever the reasoning behind trying to save the marriage, it can take as much courage to stay as to leave. And the road to healing is long and hard.

When Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger announced their separation, it was revealed that she had moved out of the family home and into a hotel. A Kennedy woman, many of whom have been accused of turning the other way, she has suffered several transitions. Shriver gave up her own successful journalism career when Schwarzenegger became governor of California. And amid allegations of affairs that threatened to derail his political career, she had his back and stood by him. Over the past 2 years, she has lost both her parents, followed by the disclosure of her husband's infidelity and deceit. Since their separation, perhaps she's questioning the value of her life and how she wants to live it now.

Over the years, from Roosevelt to Kennedy to Clinton to Edwards, many have wondered, why do their wives take it? Finally, Jenny Stanford broke the mold when she divorced the Governor of South Carolina. Her reaction to her husband's infidelity did not follow the posture of other political wives. She was independent and true to herself, an example for hurt spouses of philandering politicians.

By ignoring the potential consequences of his acts and the people he would hurt, Schwarzenegger raised huge questions about his character as well as his moral development. Maria's statement says a lot: "This is a painful and heartbreaking time. As a mother, my concern is for the children. I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal." It seems as if Maria Shrive gets it. Having hired a high profile divorce attorney, she's moving on, for her family and herself.

Please log on here tomorrow when Erica Goodstone, Ph.D. joins us for a Virtual Book Tour. Her book, Love Me, Touch Me, Heal Me: The Path to Physical, Emotional, Sexual and Spiritual Reawakening, leads readers on a path toward loving … truly loving, from the center of their being.

Powerful Men Who Cheat on their Wives

The media spotlight this past week has been on Arnold Schwarzenegger, the former Governor of California, who fathered a son with a long time member of his household staff. He has a reputation for behaving badly and, in the past, there have been allegations of him groping and harassing women. And this time there are two betrayals, infidelity and deception. Married to Maria Shriver for 25 years, with 4 kids, Arnold has created a heartbreaking tragedy for his family.

Personal pain on display for all to see has played out time and time again in the political arena. It's been said repeatedly that high profile men have a predisposition for risk-taking, love a challenge, thrill or conquest and can be reckless. Whether these characteristics are a part of their DNA or the result of early learning, power is accompanied by opportunity and confidence. A study to be published in 'Psychological Science' reports that the higher men were in a business hierarchy, the more likely they were to consider or commit adultery. Just like narcissists, as many of them very well may be, these men believe that ordinary rules don't apply to them.

Haven't you heard the disclaimers by men in power who live in their own world of privilege and entitlement? Or mea culpas such as, 'I failed to live up to the standards I set for myself.' Power seems to erode the social restraints for some men. Whether or not their admiring follower and office staff are chasing after them, these men think they're above the law. Theirs is an abuse of power and betrayal of trust. Whatever happened to family values?

Our ethical standards become engrained by the role models who influence our lives. In a democracy, we elect politicians to represent us and our values. It's a privilege to serve and those in leadership positions should be held to a higher standard. Henry Kissinger, an acknowledged statesman of our times, once said, "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac." This may be true. And, if so, what does that say about the integrity and morality of our leaders?

Click on 'Comments' below and let us know your thoughts about men in power abusing their trusted positions. And log on tomorrow when we'll discuss whether the betrayed wife should stand by her man or, like Maria Shriver, hire a divorce lawyer.

A Woman's Nation: Weeklong Reporting

On the Today Show, Maria Shriver said that the impetus for the Woman's Nation report came from the 2008 California Women's Conference, attended by over 25,000 women. For years participants have been discussing how difficult it is to balance work and home life and how these problems have not been reflected in the media.

Yesterday one of our readers commented: "....women have been struggling with these issues for years and years." But now this dilemma could have legs as it's no longer just a woman's issue but an American economic issue.

A major point in the Shriver report is that women feel isolated even though they're out of the home and in the workplace. They feel stretched and constantly under pressure, still mainly responsible for the household responsibilities including child and possibly elder care. On CNN 360, Arianna Huffington, Suzie Orman and Faye Wattleton discussed what keeps working women feeling stressed: guilt about not having the time to parent well, fear of asking for a raise (women earn only 78 cents on the dollar compared to men), sleep deprivation because of too much to do, frustration about having to make hard choices between family and job goals.

So what has to give in order for the American Mom to have more balance in her life? Some say that all institutions - from the family to business, from schools to the government - have to adapt to the changing needs of the American family. Others recommend that collectively, as a society, we set more progressive, realistic and flexible goals so women can be successful at work and at home. For sure, if we value families that are making it work and highlight companies that are family friendly we'll begin to foster changes to meet the dynamic needs of today's family.

A Woman's Nation

Yesterday First Lady of California, Maria Shriver, spoke about 'A Woman's Nation' on Meet the Press. According to this new report, close to 50% of women - compared to less than 30% in 1950 - are in the work force and 2/3 of mothers are breadwinners or co-breadwinners. With this growing dynamic in our society, the question at round tables and kitchen tables becomes: how do we relieve the stress on families?

This is the quintessential Sandwich Generation issue. As you well know, women have been struggling for years, trying to balance the needs of children growing up and parents growing older with the demands of the job.

The Shriver report, supported by the Center for American Progress, sheds light on this subject and puts the challenges that families face front and center. Apparently the battle of the sexes may be officially over. It's time to renegotiate the rules of the household with regards to childcare and eldercare. And a lot of men are already onboard.

As a Sandwiched Boomer, what do you think women need in order to be successful in the workplace and at home? Let us know your thoughts - just click on 'Comments' at the bottom of this post and follow the prompts - you can even sign in as Anonymous.

This conversation will be going on all week, on NBC, Facebook and Twitter and we'll be following it. Tune in tomorrow to stay informed.