Tweens and Social Media

Now that Facebook has finally gone public and lawsuits have been launched about the process, will the media frenzy about it subside? Attention is already being paid to other social media sites – including those aimed at kids, tweens and teens. With summer beginning and school out in the next couple of weeks, soon your kids will be having more time on their hands. Are you concerned about how they may be spending it?

Parents try to keep an eye on how and where their children are on the Internet, but the kids seem to be one step – or click – ahead in their search for freedom. And they're beginning younger and younger. While most don't have their own mobile phones until they're teens, 15% of children under 11 now have them. Although the age limit on Facebook is 13, many tweens have their own pages there. Kids are using Viddy, a video-sharing app, on their pages and they've learned to use sites such as Instagram, a photo-sharing app, to text each other.

As a parent, you want to protect your children from online predators, bullies, inappropriate advertising or their own naïve sharing of personal information. At the same time you recognize that the Internet is a part of their social and academic experience and you want them to learn how to use it responsibly. Now there are educators attempting to do just that. Playground is being developed by the Annenberg Innovation Lab at the University of Southern California to teach kids about Internet responsibility and privacy in addition to how to create content.

We've blogged here before about on-line safety and supervision – you can check out some of our tips for talking with your kids about the Internet. Of course you'll want to do your own homework before you decide which websites you'll allow your kids to use, if any. The American Academy of Pediatrics gives some suggestions for talking with them about time limits, your expectations for their behavior and rules they need to follow.   

If you want to get a jump on the process, here's a look at some of the virtual sites where your tweens may say they want to hang out this summer:

On the social media site KidzVuz, kids are encouraged to make and share their own videos -reviewing books and movies as well as food and clothes. They can't conduct private messaging and there is careful monitoring of comments to keep them in the protective guidelines.

Everloop is a social media site just for tweens where they can design their own pages, join groups that interest them, chat and play games. There are safety controls built in and bullying or bad language is not allowed by the monitors.

Tween girls who are interested in fashion may spend time on FashionPlayte. They can design and then order these clothes for themselves or their dolls on the site.  

Disney owned, established-site Club Penguin has activities and games for younger children to play as well as the opportunity to connect and chat with each other. With its embedded safety controls, it doesn't allow them to share personal information or treat each other with disrespect.

Now that you have some more ideas about what's happening on-line for your tweens, you can get back to planning how to get them away from the computer and outdoors this summer.

Anthony Weiner and Parenting in the Digital Age

Although Anthony Weiner stated that the women he corresponded with on Facebook and Twitter were all over the age of consent, recently more compromising photos have emerged and information has come out about a 'friend'/'follower' who is in high school. Although he may not have sent her any lewd photos or messages, this highlights the dilemma for parents of teens - how much to monitor your kids' online experience. On the one hand, you want to protect them from danger before it becomes inevitable, on the other, you want to allow them to develop their own autonomy.

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

With Facebook, twitter and other social media being such a large part of the connections in young people's experience today, parents need to set standards for their teens about how to use these interactive technologies. In a blog post this spring, we talked about the risks stemming from teen's sexting and what parents could do to help their kids protect themselves.

In that post, we pointed out the importance of being concrete with teens about the potential consequences of all risky behaviors - especially because of the slow development in their brain lobes responsible for functions such as good judgment. Sexting in particular can be an impulsive and dangerous activity and it may be impossible to completely erase a post from the Internet. Representative Weiner found this out when he attempted to delete his message after realizing that it was sent to everyone following him, not just the intended recipient.

Weiner has decided that, due to his inappropriate behavior, he requires a "course of treatment to make himself well." It's unclear what his treatment will address but for teens, with peer pressure being such a strong influence, parents can work toward helping their kids increase feelings of self-esteem and develop a respect for their own worth.

As a parent, the goal is to be present in your children's lives without overwhelming them with your input - it's a fine line. Just as you recognize their need for independence, you're also aware of the value of supervision at this stage of their development. You'll find more parenting tips for raising children in the digital age on the website of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

And lets hope that soon this poor example of role modeling by a public official moves off the front page so we can get back to talking with our teens about getting summer jobs rather than about lying and sexting.

Dangers for Teens on the Internet

With the release of David Schwimmer's new movie, Trust, parents are once more put on notice about the importance of educating their kids about the dangers of Internet sex predators. Schwimmer directed and produced the movie about what happens when a 14 year-old girl begins communicating with a stranger in an online chat room. The entire family feels the damaging effects of the girl's victimization by an adult male posing as a teenage boy.

Photo by Keerati

Facebook and other social media, chat rooms and smart phones are a big part of young people's lives today. These interactive technologies give them a chance to stay connected with friends but also open them up to risks from the adult world. According to a survey conducted by the University of New Hampshire's Crimes Against Children Research Center, three-quarters of Net-initiated sexual exploitation victims were girls, aged 13 to 15. And three-quarters of the offenders were age 26 or older. Chat rooms were the most likely places for the relationships to start, with three-quarters of them beginning there. Most of the couples progressed to face-to-face sexual encounters with 93%of these involving illegal sex.

Many parents have also been concerned by the sexting that goes on among many high school students. Several states have proposed laws that are aimed at limiting this behavior by treating it as child pornography.

About the reaction to his film, Schwimmer has said he hopes "that viewers leave wanting to engage in more dialogue about Parenting in the Age of Technology." Have you begun a dialogue in your family about the net with your children or grandchildren? Here are some areas you may want to discuss:

Address the consequences of behavior early on so it's a topic they've heard before. Teens are often naïve about the long-term results of their actions. The sections of their brains responsible for good judgment have not matured enough for them to avoid dangerous situations. You'll need to spell out the possible outcomes to activities that seem innocuous but may be risky.

Talk specifically about the potentially serious end result of sexting. Teens are often impulsive and caught up in the excitement of acting on a dare without considering the consequences. While they are not able to process the potentially negative end point, it's up to you to remind them that once they've put something out on the Internet, they can't erase it, no matter how many times they hit the 'delete' button. The American Academy of Pediatrics offers some suggestions for helping you speak about the problem of sexting with your kids.

Discuss the importance of privacy and self-respect. Peer pressure is an especially strong force at this developmental stage but give your teens the tools to avoid going along with the gang when they feel uncomfortable. Reinforce the value of their opinions as they make decisions that are appropriate for their safety.

Have regular family meetings to keep your communication open and honest. As a parent, be present in your children's lives without overwhelming them with your input. Encourage them to share their concerns with you and listen without being judgmental. You'll all need to practice cooperation and compromise as you come up with solutions that take everyone's needs into account.

Walk the fine line between knowing when to let go and when to keep an eye on your teen. Give your teens the freedom they crave within the confines of your supervision. If you believe their health and safety is being threatened, you may need to draw on 'tough love' and shut down your kid's Internet access.

As a parent, when you monitor your teenager's online usage, you'll be aware of potential threats before they get out of control. Even if your teen is in a chat room with someone she knows, it may lead to sexual exploitation since Net-initiated sex crimes are actually more common among acquaintances than strangers. The American Academy of Pediatrics has just released a new report about the impact of social media on kids. You'll find more useful information and parenting tips on their website to help with your important role of raising children in the digital age.

How to Get Your Kids Unplugged from TV & Video Games

Even when it is clear what you want to do, how do you begin to separate your kids from their video games and TV? Can you turn their attention to other pursuits?

It's not a simple process, but you can start by talking about why it's important to reduce your kids' electronic screen time. Help them see that watching less TV is not a punishment, but rather an important part of their growth. Convince them to buy into the value of unplugging, and you can all brainstorm together about other stimulating activities.

If you are a Sandwiched Boomer, single parent or working mother, you're likely already stressed by all the responsibility and may be tempted to use television as a baby sitter.

Instead, encourage your children to help you while you are doing chores around the house - bring them into the kitchen to make dinner, let them fold their own laundry, create a game to see who can straighten up faster. Talk with your kids while you're doing your tasks and make them a part of the process.

Set aside time for them to play outside with their friends. Learn more about after school activities in which your kids can participate - at school, in your local community center, at the park. Check into summer reading competitions at your local library. Even with cutbacks due to the poor economic climate, you can find available creative and physical outlets.


Encourage your children to read instead of watching television or playing video games. With young children, read to them at night before bedtime. Think about how you can make reading more interactive and interesting for your older kids. Set an example - have a good book of your own handy so that you can sit down with them and read together. Help set up a children's book club for them and their friends.

You'll find some additional tips for creative activities with your family this summer on our website www.HerMentorCenter.com - feel free to explore it and let us know what's helpful to you. We welcome your comments, here on the blog and on our new Facebook fan page, Nourishing Family Relationships. Please let us know what's on your mind. And tune in later this week for more practical tips and strategies for success.

A Woman's Nation

Yesterday First Lady of California, Maria Shriver, spoke about 'A Woman's Nation' on Meet the Press. According to this new report, close to 50% of women - compared to less than 30% in 1950 - are in the work force and 2/3 of mothers are breadwinners or co-breadwinners. With this growing dynamic in our society, the question at round tables and kitchen tables becomes: how do we relieve the stress on families?

This is the quintessential Sandwich Generation issue. As you well know, women have been struggling for years, trying to balance the needs of children growing up and parents growing older with the demands of the job.

The Shriver report, supported by the Center for American Progress, sheds light on this subject and puts the challenges that families face front and center. Apparently the battle of the sexes may be officially over. It's time to renegotiate the rules of the household with regards to childcare and eldercare. And a lot of men are already onboard.

As a Sandwiched Boomer, what do you think women need in order to be successful in the workplace and at home? Let us know your thoughts - just click on 'Comments' at the bottom of this post and follow the prompts - you can even sign in as Anonymous.

This conversation will be going on all week, on NBC, Facebook and Twitter and we'll be following it. Tune in tomorrow to stay informed.