Family Relationships

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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Setting Guidelines with Boomerang Kids

Readers of the article by Tina Peng on boomerang kids, "They're Baaack," had lots of comments about how to make the situation work for both the parents and the kids. Here are just a sampling:

Headface sets the stage for a new realationship when kids move back home. "I think there should be a new set of rules involved. The kids should have to pay part of the rent/mortgage, the same for groceries, do their share of chores, etc. Any parent who lets the dynamic regress back to when their kids were 10 isn't being a supportive parent; they're just being a sucker...and doing more harm to their children than good."

Burbank also encourages family discussions around the issues coming up when kids boomerang back. "If your child moves home after being on his or her own after college or a job loss, then you should remind them that they cannot just come and go as they please. They need to understand that they are not in college any more and that they can help with or do things that you did before they left the first time. Laundry, house cleaning, and being responsible for their behavior to include respect for house rules now that they moved back home. You don't have to treat them like children and they, in turn, must act like responsible adults."

Bradley focuses on how parents can protect themselves in the process. "I think the line needs to be drawn when kids come home and expect food to be put on the table, free rent, and have other daily life expenses covered. That absolutely constrains parental freedoms." Alwaysamom adds her comment, "I agree with the couple in the article that you have to have very clear expectations when adult children return home. They seem to try and fall back into that role where they're dependent and that is not healthy for anyone involved. Communication is very important to not have resentment from anyone." Another parent, Bsolue sums it up, "Hey, our kids will always be our kids. I'm 52 and I have a 21 and 18 year old. If they want to move back home, cool. As long as I can introduce them to the mower and vacuum cleaner, I'm happy."

To read our tips on launching your boomerang kidult, click on the title above.

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