Conflict Resolution in Your Marriage

Need some help with conflict resolution in your marriage?

Limit your arguments. If the situation between you and your partner is tense, small annoyances can seem bigger than before. When you argue, allowing bad feelings to fester only makes it worse. Don't turn your quarrels into something more or attach your reactions to another issue. Agree that you will together explore the problems in your relationship. And spend time learning about conflict resolution, direct communication and active listening skills. There's a lot of information available through relationship workshops, on the Internet and in the self help section of the bookstore.



Begin a process of serious talking. Can't do it alone? If you really want to work out your differences, you might consider consulting with a marital therapist or joining a couples' support group. When you each understand more about the other's needs and capabilities, you'll be clearer about the compromises you have to make. Then it will be up to both of you to decide whether or not you're willing to do the hard work. That may include efforts to change your current expectations, redefine what marriage means to you and create new goals for the relationship.

In the meantime, if the conflicts and arguments are getting you down, click on the title of this post to read an article from HerMentorCenter.com on Six Ways to Beat the Blues.

Gloria and Marilyn's article, in closing, suggests that you keep the channels of communication open. Dialoguing and sharing experiences requires listening, not necessarily agreeing. Each party needs to be heard and wants to be understood. The challenge lies in working it out in a way that is respectful to family members. The reality is that being gracious takes less psychic time and energy, and you may indeed grow to like, even love, your parent's new spouse or partner. Family harmony often means only relatively minor changes in long held perceptions or entirely new perspectives that genuinely reflect your own maturity.

Most of the Sandwiched Boomers who have made comments over the past few days tend to concur with these observations. Although some of them struggled with questions such as, Will this person take my place? What will happen to my mother's treasured possessions or my inheritance? Will I still be special and loved? Yet, despite initial ambivalence, they want their parent to be happy and are relieved that someone else will share the responsibility as their parent ages.

If your family has already made this sort of transition, share your experiences with others who are facing it now. And if you widowed parent is beginning to date, think about what you can do to take care of yourself and still understand your parent's position. How can you grow to know and accept your parent's new relationship - and still savor the memories of your parent who has died. By giving yourself permission to be open, it's a gift to both of your parents and yourself.