Gloria and Marilyn's article, in closing, suggests that you keep the channels of communication open. Dialoguing and sharing experiences requires listening, not necessarily agreeing. Each party needs to be heard and wants to be understood. The challenge lies in working it out in a way that is respectful to family members. The reality is that being gracious takes less psychic time and energy, and you may indeed grow to like, even love, your parent's new spouse or partner. Family harmony often means only relatively minor changes in long held perceptions or entirely new perspectives that genuinely reflect your own maturity.

Most of the Sandwiched Boomers who have made comments over the past few days tend to concur with these observations. Although some of them struggled with questions such as, Will this person take my place? What will happen to my mother's treasured possessions or my inheritance? Will I still be special and loved? Yet, despite initial ambivalence, they want their parent to be happy and are relieved that someone else will share the responsibility as their parent ages.

If your family has already made this sort of transition, share your experiences with others who are facing it now. And if you widowed parent is beginning to date, think about what you can do to take care of yourself and still understand your parent's position. How can you grow to know and accept your parent's new relationship - and still savor the memories of your parent who has died. By giving yourself permission to be open, it's a gift to both of your parents and yourself.

The comments from Sandwiched Boomers yesterday were thoughtful and, in some ways, similar. Readers felt uncomfortable initially when their widowed parent began dating - then more positive, seeing them involved and happy. What follows are some tips from Gloria and Marilyn on how you can make this transition a smoother one, for yourself as well as others in the family:

With a life of your own and different priorities than when you were younger, consider what’s really important and allow the small things to fall by the wayside. Establish weekend visits, holiday meals, occasional celebrations, perhaps vacations together in a new way. So what if your parent's choice is not ideal. Be appreciative that someone cares for your father. Consider these suggestions:Try to put yourself in your parent’s shoes and consider how difficult it might be for them, caught in an emotional tug-of-war between their new love and adult child.

Don’t put your parent in the position of having to choose between your love and that of their new mate when both are important to their sense of well-being.

Don’t discuss issues such as family inheritance, your late parent’s possessions, and your feelings of being pushed aside by their new love.

When you're angry, try to understand where your feelings are coming from so that you can calmly discuss your concerns with sensitivity and caring.

Keep reminding yourself that your parent is an adult and has the right, and smarts, to choose their new mate.

Gloria Lintermans & Marilyn Stolzman, Ph.D., authors of "The Healing Power of Love," have written an article about an adult child's perspective when a widowed parent re-marries. Over the next few days, we'll be sharing their thoughts with you. As Sandwiched Boomers, many of you have likley been in this position.

Chances are you grew up in a two-parent family, went away to college, married, had children of your own. And then, tragedy struck and one parent passed away, leaving the other widowed. He or she has mourned their loss and, while still embracing the memories of their late spouse, met someone new and fell in love - ready once again to enjoy a full life, perhaps to even re-marry. And you find yourself exchanging parenting roles as you concerns are not unlike that of your parents when you dated and eventually married. While their expectation is that you will be thrilled that they found happiness in re-marriage or have someone special in their life, it is seldom that simple.

It could be that you have been protective of your parent since he became a widower and are uncomfortable with someone else taking over for you. Perhaps this new partner is assuming the role of your much-loved deceased parent or you perceive her as competition for your parent's time. Maybe you have difficulty thinking of your parent as a sexually active person, especially if their involvement is with a younger woman.

Although the choice of mates is solely that of your parent, he will, naturally, be influenced by your opinion, suggestions, feelings and certainly your actions. As such, be aware that the more accepting you are, the easier it will be to deal with the problems intrinsic in blending families. You can lessen the pain of assimilating new people into family gatherings, for example, by being welcoming and flexible, with a willingness to establish new family traditions.

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