Caring for the Caregiver

Yesterday, Susan Levin of 50somethinginfo.com talked about caring for loved ones as they approach death. Here are some of her tips about how to take care of yourself as well:

• Be conscious of caregiver burnout-- Get help from family members (even older children and siblings) and hired caregivers. Oftentimes, it takes more than one person to maneuver another person.

• Keep a visitor on the premises for no longer than 10 minutes (it’s easier on both the patient and the caregiver).

• Consider the dying process a family affair, one that can and should involve older children.

• Educate yourself to know what to expect ahead of time.

• Realize that some comatose patients have the power to hear and respond.

• Call in the clergy for final rituals.

• Rituals are calming.

• Understand that the senses, such as hearing, may become more pronounced near death.

• Grant each grieving person some private time to commune in their own way with the departed.

As Susan says, "Helping someone die with dignity is gut-wrenching. But less so when you participate in the process together."

Our thanks to Susan for her insights and helpful tips. You can visit her at www.50somethinginfo.com for more information.

For some Nourishing Relationship tips for taking better care of yourself while you care for your aging parent, click on the title above. It will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and our article there, How to Shift from Daddy's Girl to Dad's Caregiver. The rest of this week, we will continue to give you Sandwiched Boomers some of our personal thoughts about communicating with your dying loved one in during the difficult process.

The Process of Living and Dying

Yesterday Susan Levin talked learning from her hairstylist. Today she gives some tips about how to help an ill parent through the process of dying:

• Be clear about your parent’s death wishes.

• Give them information (enter key words and learn that the web, in general, and the Hospice of Santa Barbara (http://www.hospiceofsantabarbara.org/) and Visiting Nurse and Hospice Care (http://www.vnhcsb.org/) sites, in particular, are packed with useful information).

• Let them make their own life decisions provided they have the mental faculties to do so.

• Get all affairs including finances in order.

• Discuss any unfinished business and unresolved feelings.

• Make them comfortable (take advantage of various comfort aids).

• Provide privacy (curtains can be hung in crowded quarters).

For some Her Mentor Center suggestions about how to help your aging parents create a legacy, click on the title above to take you to our article entitled, How the Sandwich Generation Can Help Their Parents Create a Legacy of Meaning.

Tomorrow Susan will give you some tips on how to take better care of yourself in the process.

Learning from Friends

We are happy to publish some thoughts from Susan Levin this week. Her website, www.50somethinginfo.com is full of information for our 50-something cohort. Many of us are Sandwiched Boomers, caring for our aging parents as well as our children.

Here's how Susan begins her story:

"Some people go to their hair stylist to get their hair cut. I go for two reasons: one the obvious, to let Lynn Hudson work her magic on my unruly locks; and, two, to get a hearty dose of her common sense and compassion.

About a week ago, Lynn called me to reschedule my appointment and to let me know that her mother had died. Yiayia, at 98 years of age and ailing, had been anxious to be reunited with her husband and her mother in the afterlife.

I learned so much from Lynn, who helped oversee her mother’s last days in her home."

Come back to Nourishing Relationships tomorrow and Susan will share some of what she learned with you.

I, too, have long considered my hair stylist, Jeanne, to be one of the wisest women around. She and I have been comparing notes on husbands, child-rearing, politics, travel, and other women for about thirty-five years now. I look forward to our conversations and sharing our thoughts every few months when I get my hair cut. Do you have that kind of relationship with your stylist?

If you want to read more about women's friendships, click on the title above to take you to an article on our www.HerMentorCenter.com website, Boomer Women and Friendship: The Gift You Give Yourself.