NourishingRelationship and HerMentorCenter Readers Weigh In

Readers of our blog and our website, HerMentorCenter.com, have been having a spirited discussion since yesterday with Patsy Harman, author of "The Blue Cotton Gown." It continues today through the comment section of our blog. Please feel free to keep on sending in your opinions and questions. And our thanks to Patsy for being so generous with her time.

You can still read in full all of the responses that came in through yesterday's "comment" link. Here's a sampling of just some of them:

NR Reader: I loved your book, Patsy, and talking to you as well. Amazed by your candid writing about not only your own reactions regarding your patients, but your own relationship with your rather amazing sounding husband, too . . .a very touching and heartfelt book. Thank you for writing it.

NR Reader: What was the nicest experience you had with one of your patients? How about the scariest one?

PH: Recently a patient told me she really liked my book, "The Blue Cotton Gown"...This was the best review I ever got...I laughed, I cried, I was inspired. Is that sweet or what? The worst experience I've had...too many to mention. Babies that died, teens that overdosed, women that were abused. It is a hard world out there. I do what I can. Patsy

NR Reader: I've been wanting to go back to school to study for a degree in nutrition but I'm afraid that I'm too old. How old were you when you went back to school to become a midwife? Was it hard to compete with younger students? Could you keep up with all the reading and the assignments? I worry that I will become overwhelmed by my classes and not be able to set aside the time I need to concentrate on them with all that is going on in my family life. How did you make it work for you?

PH: I had three kids. I was 37 when I went back to become an RN and graduated with my masters when I was 41. Midwifery is really physically demanding, but I have a lot of energy so I was ok. I also love to study.

If you haven't been in school for a while, I would just look up the courses that are part of the major you are interested in. Maybe take a few classes at a community college. I bet you will do fine. You might even do better than some of the younger students because they are out partying. Never give up on your dreams. Patsy

PH: The life of a working mother is really stressful and with the economic crisis in the US and the rest of the world it's not getting better for any of us, guys included. We need to give each other all the support we can. Peace, Patsy

If you want to have more of these kinds of sessions, please add your comments here or email us at mentors@HerMentorCenter.com. And visit our website by clicking on either the title above or on the first link on the left below, "Her Mentor Center."

You can sign up for our newsletter, Stepping Stones, by clicking on the link below marked "FREE Newsletter." We send subscribers a monthly newsletter that focuses on helpful strategies for coping with personal and family issues - especially in these trying times. Our May newsletter gave tips about how mothers-in-law can improve their relationships and learn from President Obama's MIL. Our June Stepping Stones will highlight how Susan Boyle, an unlikely role model, can be a guide to an emphasis on inner beauty and nourishing oneself.

The Blue Cotton Gown

Today we are happy to welcome to our blog Patricia Harman. She is a nurse and midwife and, with her husband OB/GYN Tom Harman, is the founder of a women's health clinic in West Virginia. A first-time author, her memoir immediately went to several best-seller lists. "The Blue Cotton Gown: A Midwife's Memoir" celebrates the women who she sees in their blue cotton gowns in the examining rooms. She shares their stories as well as her own very personal journey.

NR: "The Blue Cotton Gown: A Midwife's Memoir" is a book about women in trouble. Why did you write this book?

PH: I've always been so impressed with the courage of the ordinary women. Patients of all walks of life come into my exam room and I ask them, "So how are you doing? How's your stress level?" At first they may make a joke about it. "Oh, terrible, but isn't everyone's…." But then I draw my rolling exam stool forward and they tell me their stories. I leave the exam room shaken and in awe by the very difficult situations women are in and the courage they have to have just to march on. Since I had insomnia, I began to get up at night and write down their stories. I felt there was something majestic about them. These women, with all their imperfections, are like all of us, and they're my heroes.

NR: Who is "The Blue Cotton Gown" written for?

PH: I wrote "The Blue Cotton Gown" primarily for other women, but the men that have picked it up have been fascinated. That's partly because one of the male protagonist is my husband, a mild mannered physician, who like the women in the stories has his own troubles. I think, in addition to women of all ages, the book is interesting to health care providers because it illuminates some of the difficulties of trying to maintain a private practice in the midst of a health care system in crisis.

NR: Did it concern you that you might say more about your patients than they would want you to?

PH: I went to great lengths to disguise each patient. If you were an Asian Teacher I'd make you a Hispanic Bank President. I also let each major patient read her own chapters to see if she wanted them to be in the book, or if she wanted me to change anything. Not one said no. One women spoke for them all when she told me, 'If my story can help another woman not feel alone, I want it to be in there.'

NR: Of all the many problems that women have, and that you address in the book, what strikes you as the most difficult?

PH: Women carry great burdens, often in silence. When I ask patients about their stress level, most of the time it is a 9 or 10. This is not good for their health. I am also concerned that women have so little support and feel alone. All this affects their health. Women take care of everyone else and themselves last.

NR: How did you decide which women to write about?

PH: I chose women who came back to the office several times over the course of a year and women of all ages so there's someone in "The Blue Cotton Gown" that every reader can relate to.

NR: Most people think of nurse-midwives as providers that deliver babies, but you're taking care of women who aren't pregnant, is that unusual for a midwife?

PH: Traditionally midwives did only deliver babies and give care in the prenatal and postnatal period but more and more women see their nurse-midwives for gynecology because they appreciate the respectful, gentle and holistic approach they provide. I have patients that are 10 and patients that are 80.

NR: The book has a lot of information about you and your family. How did your husband, Dr. Harman, and your sons feel about this?

PH: My husband Tom is my partner and back-up physician in our practice. I didn't start out to write about myself, or the practice, the health care system or our marriage and family, but it turned out to be an integral part of "The Blue Cotton Gown." Our story is interwoven with the stories of patients. Tom and my boys were incredibly generous in letting me write about our difficulties and our love. I guess we all believe that honesty is the best policy and that people can learn from other's experiences.

NR: What's been the most rewarding thing about writing and getting "The Blue Cotton Gown" published?

PH: The letters from readers. "The Blue Cotton Gown" celebrates the courage of the ordinary women and all professionals who struggles to survive with their souls intact. I get emails every day from readers who are touched by the book. It makes a difference to their lives.

NR: Thank you, Patsy, for sharing your personal story along with those of your patients.

Readers and Sandwiched Boomers, if you have any questions for Patsy - about how women cope with their medical challenges, her reactions to the stories she's heard, her own personal challenges, or even the process of writing such an intimate book, please click on "Comments" and let us hear from you. Patsy will give you her feedback tomorrow.