Respectful Grandmothers

With Mother's Day just around the corner, we'll be highlighting all you 'Grand Mothers' this week. As you know, we come in all sizes as well as names - Grandma, Bubbe, Granny, Nana, Grams, or whatever special name your grandkids have for you. We have 10 grandchildren between us - living near and far; in preschool, grade school, college and beyond; from intact as well as blended families. What we share in common is our concern for them and our desire to maintain a loving relationship with them. This week we'll be talking about how to do just that.

Today we'll look at the important concerns revolving around grandkids who live nearby; tomorrow, significant issues for those who live far away; on Wednesday, chief relationship matters with step-grandchildren and those whose parents have divorced. On Thursday, we'll host Sally Olds, author of Super Granny: Great Stuff to Do with You Grandkids. And Friday, we'll wrap up with your feedback.

For any and every kind of grandmothering, the unifying concept for you to remember is respect - for your children, their partners, your grandkids, and for yourself. Treat everyone with the respect they deserve and value their individual needs and rights in the relationship. When you do that, you set the stage for creating strong bonds and enriched relationships between everyone in the family.

When your grandkids live nearby, you can enjoy the pleasure of being an integral part of their lives. You probably have the chance to spend time with them weekly, participate in significant events, and learn first-hand about their latest interests and achievements. The main concern here is boundaries - on all sides. It's vital for you not to over-step and usurp your adult children's authority, even as you pitch in to help them with their child-care duties. And it's just as imperative for you to retain your own personal identity and not become submerged into the role of grandmother only. You'll enjoy the relationship more when you also have some separation from it.

Click on the title above to take you to our newsletter, Stepping Stones, for an article with reflections on becoming a grandmother.

How to Care for a Parent with Alzheimer's

Here are some more suggestions for Sandwiched Boomers to improve the way you talk with your loved ones suffering from Alzheimer's. Keeping your communications direct will help them focus better.

Avoid asking questions when possible. If you need to, provide limited choices. Give your loved one the time to answer - don't interrupt them or fill in words.

Tell loved ones exactly what you want them to do. Don't tell them more than you need to. Don't try to reason with them. Provide answers and solutions.

Don't become argumentative. Don't threaten them. Don't correct them even when they say something in error.

Accept that they will repeat their questions and that you need to repeat your answers. Don't say, "I just told you that." If you feel yourself getting angry after the same question is repeated numerous times, take a deep breath, count to ten or remove yourself briefly if possible.

Try to focus on positive topics. Use music as an aid to reaching out to your loved one. Talk about good memories from the past - you both will enjoy it.

Schedule in respite care to refresh yourself. Just as the airline stewards remind us, you need to put on your own oxygen mask before taking care of others who depend upon you.

Clicking on the title above will take you to an article on www.HerMentorCenter.com with some ideas about how to treat your aging mom, not only on Mother's Day but every day, Nurturing Your Mom on Mother's Day with More Than Chocolates.