Sandwich Generation: Self Care for the Holidays

As card carrying members of the Sandwich Generation, do you ever come first in your long list of daily responsibilities? Make an exception over the week between Christmas and New Years. Take some well-deserved time just for you.

Photo courtesy of Nina Matthews Photography - Flickr.com

Ask for what you need. Pronounce the Christmas meal potluck and don't feel guilty about it. If they insist, let your family help with the dishes after the holiday dinner. Accept your friend's offer to bring an appetizer - or even the main course - to the New Year's Eve party. Everyone will be glad to play a more active role and you'll have more time and energy to participate in the festivities.

Give yourself a break. Arrange for your out of town guests to stay in a hotel - it actually may be a relief for all of you, and the beginning of a welcome new holiday tradition. Instead of worrying about all the desserts you've consumed, use that energy to take a brisk walk in the park. Or pay off some debt rather than taking the family on an expensive outing; they will understand and grow from the experience.

Find emotional support. Are you facing the challenges of college kids coming home, integrating new in-laws into the family, caring for the growing needs of your parents or all of the above? Take a deep breath and call a friend. Share your feelings about what's going on in your family. Relish in getting it off your chest, some positive feedback, a different perspective or a good laugh.

Give yourself a stress-free IOU and relax into the idea of some peace of mind. You really don't have to deal with the mall mob scene. This season give the gift of time together to your family members, and tell them it's the perfect gift to give back to you. It's a present that will let you all know how much each other cares, and it's sure to be the right size. Have a joyous and relaxing holiday season!

Miranda, a Sandwiched Boomer, feels physically and emotionally exhausted and vows to make some changes in the New Year. "I love my parents dearly and want to help them out as much as I can but I need to be there for my kids too. Impossible as it may sound, the only way to do both is to set aside some time for me too. I know that I'm absolutely no good to anyone if I don't take care of myself."

Like Miranda, you can address your particular concerns and set some goals for yourself. Elizabeth wrote in that she's not making resolutions, just keeping track of some things. She touches on a good point. It's important to make changes in the way that is best for you.

We'll be covering a couple of tips a day that will help you deal with the pressures of the Sandwiched years. Discuss them with others or work with them yourself - and let us know how you're doing.

1. Recognize that you don't have to do it all alone. Decide to get help when you need it from other family members. Be firm about asking your siblings to lend a hand with your parents; clarify your partner's responsibilities in caring for the children. The Internet can be useful in identifying local community resources that are available to you.

2. Use part of the Serenity Prayer as your new mantra. Make an effort to “have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” To remember the phrase, write it down and leave it where you can see it – on your night table, the refrigerator, the front seat in your car, your desk at work.

As Sandwiched Boomers caring for parents growing older and children growing up, did 2007 fly by for you? Are you busy wrapping up the year and wiping the slate clean? Or, now that the celebration is upon us, are you thinking about making new year's resolutions? Some women refuse to even consider the possibility as they regard it as an exercise in futility.

However, there are positive ways to see the beginning of 2008 as an opportunity to set realistic goals. Don't make a long list of what you should do. Think about your dreams and hopes - what's important to you. And then open yourself to the possibilities.

We hope that you're trying to attend to your own needs while still honoring this week of family togetherness. Let your plans for the new year include nurturing yourself. As you begin to lay the groundwork for change, treat yourself to better health by keeping your stress in check.

1. Ask for what you need. Pronounce the holiday meals potluck and don't feel guilty about it. If they want to, let your family help with the dishes and clean up. Accept your friend's offer to bring an appetizer, or even the main course, to the New Year's Eve party. They'll all be glad to play a more active role and you'll have the time and energy to participate in the festivities.

2. Give yourself a break. Instead of worrying about all the desserts you've eaten, use that energy for a brisk walk in the park. Or pay off some debt rather than taking the family on an expensive outing; they will understand and grow from the experience.

3. Find emotional support. With the challenges of college age children coming home, integrating new in-laws into the family unit and caring for the growing needs of your parents - take a breather and call a friend. Share your feelings about what's going on with your family – relish in getting it off your chest, gaining some positive feedback or having a good laugh together.

You've worked hard to make the holidays special for all the family. Now receive, from yourself, a virtual stress-free voucher - relax into the idea of some relaxation and peace of mind.