Valentine’s Day and Emotional Intimacy

This year we began early, focusing Monday's post on a more satisfying Valentine's Day. Now that February is officially here, what else can you do to set the tone for the day of love? We know how busy you are, but reading these two easy-to-use tips will only take a minute:

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Inject humor and laughter. Lightheartedness is often the first casualty of a hectic family life. Keep fun alive by joking around, sending silly texts or using pet names. Making time to be playful and engaging with each other can often lead to greater satisfaction and deeper intimacy.

Stay connected. A gentle touch or quick hug can release oxytocin, a hormone that facilitates bonding as well as reduces blood pressure and stress levels. When you're feeling tense, an affectionate moment can help you feel closer, loved and even more relaxed.

By now you must know that you can't change your partner. But you can impact his reactions if you shift your own attitude, feelings and behavior. Then, as your union becomes stronger, he may decide to make some changes in himself - and that will benefit the relationship.

You see, positive emotions can open you both to new possibilities. Try to let your heart do the talking and commit to little changes that mean a lot. When you bring out the best in each other, you create a reservoir of goodwill. Look at is as an investment in your emotional bank account. And on Valentine’s Day, be ready to start cashing in the dividends.

Spending Time in Nature makes you Nicer

Research findings indicate that those who feel a strong connection to nature have a more caring attitude toward others.
Participants in the study were asked to rate the importance of life goals. Those exposed to scenes in nature placed a higher value on connectedness and community as well as a lower value on ideals that were more self-oriented.

So why would immersion in nature instill feelings of selflessness? According to the researchers, it allows you to follow your interests and gives you an enhanced sense of personal autonomy. Feeling more relaxed, you may experience a decrease in your stress level.

If being at one with nature makes you feel better, it makes sense that it could lead to your being more emotionally available to others.

As Sandwiched Boomers are you facing daily pressures with parents growing older and children growing up? Try your own experiment. See how a walk in the park or a hike in the hills impacts you and your relationships. And let us know the results.

If you have male Sandwiched Boomers in your life who are caring for aging parents, there's a lot you can do to raise awareness:

Advocate for more appropriate and useful accommodations in the workplace: the availability of geriatric care managers, resources for work/home balance and extended paid leave.

Work on expanding the Lifespan Respite Care Act, passed by Congress in 2006. Although $300 million in grants was earmarked to help provide relief to those giving long-term care to family members, the cost of these needs is closer to $300 billion.

Through networking, introduce the caregiver to options like community resources and local services. This can reduce stress while enhancing their ability to maintain control over the care-giving role.

For those who want loved ones to remain at home longer, provide detailed information about homemaker services or meal delivery. And for assistance to the caregiver himself, help with respite care so he can take care of his own needs.

We hope that you're trying to attend to your own needs while still honoring this week of family togetherness. Let your plans for the new year include nurturing yourself. As you begin to lay the groundwork for change, treat yourself to better health by keeping your stress in check.

1. Ask for what you need. Pronounce the holiday meals potluck and don't feel guilty about it. If they want to, let your family help with the dishes and clean up. Accept your friend's offer to bring an appetizer, or even the main course, to the New Year's Eve party. They'll all be glad to play a more active role and you'll have the time and energy to participate in the festivities.

2. Give yourself a break. Instead of worrying about all the desserts you've eaten, use that energy for a brisk walk in the park. Or pay off some debt rather than taking the family on an expensive outing; they will understand and grow from the experience.

3. Find emotional support. With the challenges of college age children coming home, integrating new in-laws into the family unit and caring for the growing needs of your parents - take a breather and call a friend. Share your feelings about what's going on with your family – relish in getting it off your chest, gaining some positive feedback or having a good laugh together.

You've worked hard to make the holidays special for all the family. Now receive, from yourself, a virtual stress-free voucher - relax into the idea of some relaxation and peace of mind.

With the festive season suddenly upon us, we've decided to dedicate the next few blog posts to ideas about how to reduce holiday stress.

If the widespread commercialism is getting you down, here are some ways for Sandwiched Boomers to spend less time racking up credit card debt and more time taking care of yourself:

1. Realize that the anticipatory anxiety you may be experiencing about the holidays is quite normal. Questions about what to do and how to do it - with the apprehension that comes along for the ride - are common for a lot of families at this time of year.

2. If you're traveling home to your parents, remember to pack your patience. Old family dynamics and unfinished business are bound to surface. Make a decision this year to leave behind the baggage that is too large to fit in the overhead compartment.

3. Explore the possibility of your out of town guests staying in a hotel. After the discomfort of bringing up the idea, it actually might be a relief for all of you; and the beginning of a welcome new family tradition.

4. You don't have to be all things to all people all the time. If Aunt Sue doesn't get along with Uncle John's second wife, make it easier on yourself and stagger their holiday visits.

It's important to appreciate the traditions of giving and receiving. But the accumulation of stuff can't hold a candle to the gift that matters most. This year, recreate the joy of simpler days by bringing the priceless gift of relaxation and calmness to your family gatherings.