Finding Peace of Mind

Want to experience a sacred space in your hectic daily life? If technology now has the upper hand, begin to disconnect and find moments of mental tranquility. What follows are some tips on how to decrease your stress.

Begin to journal. Unplug your electronic devices, pick up a pen and start to write. Putting thoughts out of your mind and onto paper gets rid of the noise in your head. By not censoring yourself, you can tap into your unconscious. Writing is cathartic and allows you to release pent up feelings. It’s a great process to help regulate your negative emotions and savor your positive ones.

Consider new priorities. Get out from behind your computer and open up to more meaningful experiences. Trust what you discover - direct ways to resolve conflict, to feel closer, to express yourself. Build actual relationships and feel a real sense of support and connection. You'll have time to take a walk or have coffee with a friend. Enjoy a face to face meeting or business lunch instead of a webinar. And make a commitment to no texting during family time together.

Embrace change. Stop focusing on status updates of friends and mandate time to reconnect with you. Relax and rejuvenate to increase self awareness and tap into your dreams. Get in touch with what you really care about and value. If you take a much needed vacation, you’ll return with a different perspective and renewed excitement. Think about what’s holding you back from living the life you want and begin to pursue goals that are right for you.

Of course technology is here to stay – what would we do without data access? But you’ll give yourself a priceless gift by developing stress relievers to counteract burnout. And take heart as you embrace the calm of the present moment.

Steve Jobs: 8 Practical Insights

Steve Jobs, the technology innovator who created the Mac, iPod iPhone and iPad, died of pancreatic cancer on October 5, 2011. He was born in 1955 to unwed graduate students - they later married and had a daughter, novelist Mona Simpson, whom Steve met as an adult. He grew up an only child and, at an early age, his adoptive parents taught him to read and nurtured his keen interest in electronics.

He dropped out of Reed College after his first semester because he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. But over the next 18 months he continued to audit classes that appealed to him. Apple, his first business venture, was started with a friend in his garage. And curious about Eastern philosophy and Buddhism, Jobs went on a spiritual journey to India. He was a private man but we do know that these are some events that shaped his destiny. They may seem like a nightmare for empty nester parents, but a testament to what can happen when creativity, curiosity, and love for our passion lead the way.

Of course, Steve was human. He was fired as CEO of Apple and denied paternity of his first child but later named a computer, Lisa, after her. Employees have described him as temperamental and controlling. Although some say he had a critical management style, he was greatly respected for his business acumen. And he had an almost mystical ability to predict where trends were headed and what people wanted. Just think about the influence he's had on the way we live, work and play today.

Steve Jobs changed the way we relate to the world - how we see it and how we move in it. He modeled skills that we can all aspire to and there are lessons that apply to all of us:

• When you make promises, be sure to deliver.
• There can be success in failure.
• Under increasing skepticism, believe in a little magic.
• Unleash your creative voice and artistic expression.
• Encourage your kids to explore and ask questions.
• Make it safe to experience unabashed excitement.
• Change can be an opportunity for growth.
• Know that you can achieve personal greatness.

Steve Jobs left a legacy of straightforward designs that demystify technology. Haven't we all, at one time or another, had a love affair with our computers? Of course, it's vital to discover your passion. But let's not live our full relational and emotional lives only online.

Working Parents' Dilemma with Kids on Vacation

Are you already stressing about how to keep your kids busy while you're working and they're on summer break? Don't forget to count on their grandparents who always want to see more of them. And talk with friends who have the same issues and may want to swap one day a week.

Encourage reading. Talk with your kids and listen to what they have to say about their summer reading ideas. Reading is a great habit to nurture. Most public libraries support a reading program with some sort of positive end result if all the requirements are fulfilled. You can build structure by having your teens read to your younger children or even organize an informal neighborhood book club.



Photo courtesy of Photostock


Assign chores. How about having your kids help around the house with jobs that you don't have time for during the school year – clean out broken toys or box up outgrown school clothes. Have them run small errands or go to the corner grocery store. Let them keep the change and buy themselves a treat. They might like the independence and responsibility.

Limit Internet use. You may be tempted to use technology as a babysitter, but try to institute some tech free days. When kids have unsupervised access to media, it can be at the expense of their growth. Emerging research reveals that technology can short-circuit healthy development in socializing and learning.

If you have to spend a little money on your kids' activities, it's in everyone's best interests for a safe, fun environment and your peace of mind. A week of camp can build social skills and interests as well as character strengths - and provides a structured and enriching environment so you don't have to worry about what they're up to.

Your kids have their whole summer ahead of them - no schoolwork or having to wake up early. And you deserve to kick back some too. With the long warm summer nights, relax and enjoy spending some quality family time together.

Helicopter Parents Following Kids to College

Precisely who are these Helicopter Parents? They're the ones who pay such close attention to their children's experiences and problems that it's smothering. And when these over-protecting parents are fearful or worried and restrictive, their kids often become too dependent and doubt themselves. Over time, they don't have the life skills to assess risks, make decisions and take care of themselves.

And what about the parents, themselves? This Washington Post article, written by sociology professor Dr. Margaret Nelson, is called Helicopter Moms Heading for a Crash. She says this parenting style, which she calls "highly personalized care," is extremely time consuming and emotionally demanding, sometimes at the expense of the rest of a busy mom's life.

Such over-parenting can produce children who experience a delayed adolescence and, when the time comes, are not ready to leave home. This can be particularly apparent during the transition from home to college life. Some professors and administrators describe parents' attempts to smooth out obstacles, to the extent that they play an active part in choice of college, roommate and classes.

You may want to look around CollegeConfidential.com, a site that offers all kinds of information and support related to college. The forums for parents contain extensive discussions about the pros and cons of parental involvement in this process.

Of course, we've all had situations where giving up control was an issue, and there can be a multitude of reasons - because protecting our kids becomes automatic over time, we think we know what's best for them, it's not easy to let go of old familiar roles. So if you find yourself hovering, not sure where to draw the line, some of these tips may help you back off:

Being too directive fosters reliance. You may want to be involved with their class assignments, extra curricular activities or job searches. But this is the time when developing decision-making skills is paramount to a strong sense of self.

As they make more of their own decisions, let them deal with the consequences. Be supportive as they negotiate roommate disputes and dating dilemmas. Learning how to cooperate, compromise and accept disappointment are all part of the college experience.

Technology makes it too easy to stay connected. If it feels satisfying to both of you, establish a middle ground. Let them know that you’re there if they really need you but don’t enable their dependency.

Be sure that parents' weekend is on your agenda. During these activities, you'll be able to commiserate with other parents who understand how you're feeling. And meeting with the teachers and administrators is the best way to find out what's going on.

Discover what you feel passionate about. Follow your dream of changing jobs, going to school or volunteering. Join a hiking group or exercise class. Take up bridge or yoga. Now is the time to put you front and center for a change.

There are always two sides to every story. Here's an article from the new NBC website, FamilyGoesStrong.com, that speaks to the need for greater family support in tough economic times. So many adult children have college loans to repay or can't get a job and, according to recent statistics, more of them are moving home than leaving.

Apparently the 20s are the new adolescence and adult children are marrying later. The Today Show interviewed mom, Geri Brin, and her 31 year old son, Colby. She wants to play cupid and is taking a more active role in partner selection - and it's OK with him. She has added a dating component to her website, FabOverFifty. Although some may see that as meddling, Geri says she's just casting a wider net.

We've had a lot of fun this week, exploring separation and individuation within the family. Now it's your turn. Let us hear your thoughts, from helicopter parenting to free range kids and beyond - we know you're out there!

How Rihanna can be a Positive Role Model for Teenagers

Are you a member of the sandwich generation with teenagers still living at home? If so, you may be helping them prepare emotionally to move out and be on their own. And in this day and age, with peer pressure and other distractions, that's not such an easy job.

Growing children today are caught in the crosshairs of modern media. Technology has become their babysitter – reality TV, nude photos on the Internet, bizarre videos on YouTube, seductive text messages. It's time for these young people to be exposed instead to role models who have the potential to inspire them to do the right thing. But instead of symbols of stability, they're finding other adolescents living through their own crises.

On the day of the Grammys, R&B singer Chris Brown allegedly beat up his girlfriend, pop star Rihanna, after an altercation over text messages that Brown received from another woman. Pundits, bloggers and reporters are weighing in. Some support Rihanna and are intent on not blaming the victim. Others want her to face the situation head-on and take a strong stand.

This week we're focusing on how Rihanna can help herself - and all the young people who admire her. Clicking on the title above will take you to www.HerMentorCenter.com and an article about domestic violence.