Sandwich Generation: Resolve to Pay Attention

Whether you're a member of the sandwich generation or not, changes in your love relationship are like any personal change - to be successful long term, you need a clear idea of what you want and a good reason to keep going. What follows are some final tips to help you achieve your 2010 relationship goals:

Celebrate good times. Respond enthusiastically when something positive happens to your partner. Make the most of it by asking relevant questions and being complimentary. Studies have found that celebrating positive events predicts greater relationship satisfaction than commiserating over negative ones.

Stay engaged. It's easy to get stuck in a routine and not notice the changes going on around you. Paying attention to what's different about your partner may surprise you, as well as increase your attraction, motivation and connection.

Bring out the best in each other. Studies show that when partners more closely resemble each other's ideal selves, they fare better as a couple. List your personal goals and the qualities you like most in your significant other. Chances are there's an overlap between the self you aspire to and the aspects of your partner that you appreciate the most.

Although improving your partnership may seem overwhelming sometimes, it's really the little things that matter. Expensive gifts and exotic trips are nice, but they're not as meaningful in the long run as simple acts of gratitude and kindness. Long after you've opened the last present or downloaded the vacation photos, that reservoir of goodwill will keep nourishing your relationship. Commit to sustaining your 2010 love resolutions – you won't regret it.

Sandwich Generation: Resolve to Be Present

As Sandwiched Booomers caring for a family in flux, are there times when you're preoccupied and distracted? And you and your love relationship take a back seat? You may even accept it as the new normal, but it doesn't have to be this way. The following tips can help energize you and your partner:

Express your gratitude often. Remembering to thank your spouse may sound simple but it helps bring to mind their good qualities. Compliments can serve as a positive reinforcement at times when you may be taking each other for granted.

Stay connected. A gentle touch or a quick hug can release oxytocin, a hormone that facilitates bonding as well as reduces blood pressure and stress levels. When you're feeling tense, an affectionate moment can help you feel closer, loved and more relaxed.

Pay attention to you. Investing in your own happiness will take the pressure off the relationship as the main source of your wellbeing. Take positive action in your own life. You'll have a better attitude, be more interesting to your partner, and your relationship will reap the dividends.

If you want more ideas about how to strengthen your relationship, click on the title above. And log on tomorrow and Friday for our monthly Virtual Book Tour - we'll be featuring Susan Shaffer and Linda Gordon and their book about mother/daughter relationships, "Too Close for Comfort." On Saturday we'll finish up this series of posts on love relationship resolutions.

Last night, both Clinton and Obama came into the Democratic debate with a shift in posture. The Today Show called it a love fest, despite the focus on controversial issue. And the Los Angeles Times entertained the possiblilty of them being the dream ticket in the upcoming election. What can you, Sandwiched Boomers, learn from their change in attitude?

If you or your partner has made bad choices or decisions, the emotional damage can endanger your relationship. The buildup of frustration, anger, or disappointment needs to be faced as you make efforts to repair the situation and adapt to a new reality. As you become more at ease, you will go from being worried about your future to feeling excited about what’s ahead.

Finding perspective is a valuable strategy when you are facing transitions. It helps to take a step back and see the present situation from a different angle. As high expectations are always difficult to meet, try to be realistic - and know that you will both grow from the challenges you are facing.

Have you or your partner gone through a mid-life career change? When you're not on the same page about the significance of work, it can impact your relationship. It brings up issues around the division of labor - such as who assumes responsibility for daily chores and who controls the major decisions. Maybe you are once again struggling about who manages the checkbook and who does the laundry, just like you did early in your marriage.

When one of you has been diagnosed with an illness, either acute or chronic, the physical and emotional challenges to both of you impact and threaten the stability of your relationship. You and your spouse may be experiencing shock, fear, anxiety, depression - and at the same time, a sense of deep support and renewed strength.

As Sandwiched Boomers, do you have increased commitments now that either your parents or in-laws are getting older and need more assistance? Perhaps there's conflict about who takes care of what responsibilities or about not having enough time for the relationship or your own needs.

Are any of the above changes or challenges putting stress on your relationship? If so, acknowledge this to your parnter. It can be the start of new awareness and a shift in the relationship itself.

A new study that was discussed on the Today Show indicates that happiness, in large measure, derives from the quality of our relationships. Although we all know that may very well be true, during life transitions stressors can take their toll.

Some eventual disruption in longterm relationships is not uncommon - often initiated by changes in the shared environment or by a more subjective and internal process. what kind of feelings come up as you assume new roles and relinquish the ones that have defined you in the past?

Are you facing an empty nest and trying to adjust to changes in your identity? When your last child moves out, you experience a cascading and wide range of emotions: sadness, the need to hold on, fear, a sense of freedom, the desire to begin the next chapter of your life. Discussing how you feel with your partner and listening to what he has to say can bring you closer during this period of adjustment.